Behold! The superstar shakeup is upon us! Who stayed on Monday Night Raw? Who moved to SmackDown Live! Please don’t say Seth Rollins? Please say AJ Styles? I guess we’ll just have to wait and see. Rumor has it that Charlotte is headed to the blue brand and that a pair of former SmackDown Live Tag Team Champions were making their way to Raw. Please be American Alpha and not Rhyno and Heath Slater… It’s definitely Rhyno and Heath Slater.
Monday Night Raw Review: Superstar Shakeup
John Cena? Maybe Not!
Not so fast! The show opened with the Miz and Maryse dressed as John Cena and Nikki Bella! They were still mocking the dynamic duo, and Miz’s Cena impression is ah-mazing. They were hyping up their move to Raw when… DEAN AMBROSE CAME OUT? With the Intercontinental Championship!
Ambrose congratulated Cena and Nikki on their engagement, completely ignoring the fact that they were in fact, Miz and Maryse. Ambrose listed all the ways that Cena was better than Miz. Mizyryse (I GET TO USE THIS NOW, SUCK IT SMACKDOWN WRITER), revealed themselves, only for Miz to eat a Dirty Deeds.
Segment/Match Quality- 9/10 Woo’s
The New Day vs. The Revival
The New Day came out… with a puppet Kofi Kingston. Huh. Well, they had to address the fact that the highflyer is injured somehow. The Revival came out, wearing shirts that said “We Broke Kofi’s Angle” and “R.I.P. Ice Cream Truck”. Beautiful.
Because Kofi is hurt, it was Xavier Woods and Big E taking on Cody Rhodes’ least favorite tag team. Is it just me, or do the New Day lose every time Xavier Woods wrestles for them? Just me. Okay.
Well the Revival were able to defeat the New Day for the second straight week, and it looks like there will be plenty of fists, but not as many flips in Raw’s future.
Segment/Match Quality- 7/10 Woo’s
Curt Hawkins vs. Big Show?
Curt Hawkins was in the middle of the ring, rambling, and I kept waiting for someone to come squash him. Who was it? It was the Big Show. Huh. Not what I had in mind, but I’m happy that he’s not retiring!
Big Show came out, hit Hawkins with the WMD, and walked to the back. Alllllllrighty then.
Segment/Match Quality- 7/10 Woo’s
Austin Aries vs. T.J. Perkins
We had cruiserweight action as Austin Aries took on T.J. Perkins with Neville on commentary. The fun thing about Austin Aries leaving the commentary table and returning to the ring is that we get to see cruiserweight match-ups that we haven’t already seen 1,000 times.
My favorite part of this match wasn’t a spot or a move. It was Aries doing the Eddie Guerrero thing on the top rope, before lackadaisically hitting a dab. It was absolutely glorious. Aries was playing head-games with Neville during their match, and the two faced off before he was almost counted out. He mouthed off at the ref before Perkins rolled him up for the win.
After the match, Perkins attacked Aries! He hit the Detonation kick, and thank god! The guy needed a character change, and this could work wonders for his career in WWE!
Segment/Match Quality- 8/10 Woo’s
The Fate of Seth Rollins
Not gonna lie. I’m very nervous. Seth Rollins is (obviously) my favorite wrestler in WWE, and I’m gonna be devastated if he goes to the show I don’t cover. I don’t know if my feeble heart will be able to take it.
The Architect came out and talked about how grateful he was to be back in the ring, and how much work he put into being ready for his match against Triple H at WrestleMania. He knew that he left it all in the ring, and that he slayed the king. He felt relieved that he finally slayed the king and avenged the betrayal from last August.
Rollins said he wanted to stay on Monday Night Raw, and that he wanted to be Universal Champion, but because of what happened to Stephanie McMahon at WrestleMania, he might not get those opportunities on Raw anymore.
He said it would be much easier for him to go to SmackDown Live and to be far, far away from Stephanie, dealing with Shane instead. But he said that he’s taken the easy way out before, and that’s not who he is anymore. He said he wouldn’t leave Monday Night Raw without a fight… and out came Kurt Angle.
Angle told Rollins that Stephanie wanted him gone, but that he saw something in him at WrestleMania, and that he admired his toughness. Angle said that as long as he was GM, Rollins had a home on Monday Night Raw.
I can’t tell you how relieved I am. I really can’t.
However, after the promo, Samoa Joe ambushed Rollins. The two brawled while Angle tried to break them up, but eventually it was Rollins that was left standing tall.
Segment/Match Quality- 10/10 Woo’s
Charlotte vs. Nia Jax
After the post-match brawl last week, Charlotte and Nia Jax had some unfinished business, and they faced off in the first match of the second hour. Did I say faced off? Because I meant that Nia Jax baked some potatoes, boiled some green beans, and ate Charlotte alive. During the match, the crowd was visibly distracted by something, staring into the crowd. It was very distracting.
After being decimated, Charlotte managed to hit Natural Selection out of nowhere, but Jax kicked out anyway. Charlotte hit her moonsault out of the ring, and Jax absolutely completely failed to catch her. Once again, I wish I was related to the Rock.
Charlotte hit a big boot, and was going for the Figure 8 when Jax slammed her into the turnbuckle. Man, I really hope she’s going to SmackDown, because she’s hit almost all of his big moves and Jax is still eating her alive. Jax eventually got the win, and sheesh…
Segment/Match Quality- 7/10 Woo’s
Jinder Mahal vs. Finn Balor
That’s a weird match. Jinder Mahal took on the most polarizing figure in WWE halfway through the show, and it just occured to me that all three members of 3MB are signed to WWE again… Interesting.
C’mon, you saw Jinder Mahal’s name, you know who won this match. Finn Balor had his arm raised at the end, and it just occurred to me that he’s still undefeated on the main roster. Maybe that’s why it’s the trendy thing for the IWC to call him overrated. Don’t worry Finn, when Balor Club finally happens, they’ll all come back and act like they never left.
THEN BRAY WYATT SHOWED UP ON THE TITANTRON. What?!? He mentioned his House of Horror match with Randy Orton, but then he announced that he was on Monday Night Raw?
I DON’T UNDERSTAND.
Segment/Match Quality- 9/10 Woo’s
The Miz w/Maryse vs. Sami Zayn
I have such a crush on Maryse. My job just got so much easier.
I mean, huh? What?
I’m pretty sure this means that Sami Zayn is going to SmackDown Live. I’m gonna miss Sami, because he’s just a freakton of fun, but maybe he’ll get the chances he deserves on the blue brand. Sami did the spot where he teases going for a suicide dive, only to catch himself on the rope and do a flip, as a response to Miz pulling Maryse in front of him.
There was a hilarious moment where Miz had Zayn on the top rope, and he mocked Zayn’s “ole” chant. Zayn went for the Helluva Kick, but Maryse pulled Miz out of the ring. There was a fantastic moment when Zayn somehow reversed the Skull-Crushing Finale into a roll-up, and Zayn got the win!
Segment/Match Quality- 9/10 Woo’s
Roman Reigns Backstage
So I don’t usually cover backstage stuff, but this segment was different. Michael Cole was interviewing Roman Reigns and uh… stuff happened. Braun Strowman interrupted, attacking Reigns. Did I say attacking? I mean brutalizing. He slammed him all over the place. Then EMT’s tried to put him on a stretcher, but Strowman attacked him again. Eventually they got him into the ambulance, and then, uh… I can’t… I can’t…
Braun Strowman flipped the ambulance with his bare hands.
Wow.
Segment/Match Quality- 10/10 Woo’s
The Club & The Shining Stars vs. Sheasaro & The Hardy Boyz
Well this is a peculiar tag team match. Sheasaro are quietly becoming one of my favorite tag teams just because of their gelling as a team. But nothing compares to the rush I get every time I hear the Hardy’s music hit. Am I ten years old again? Because it feels like it when these two come out.
However… the Drifter showed up on the stage. Apparently it was him that was walking through the crowd, distracting them during the Jax/Charlotte match earlier. Matt Hardy doesn’t seem to be broken, but that didn’t stop the crowd from chanting “DELETE” at him.
The babyface team absolutely decimated the heel team, and I’m starting to hope that Gallows and Anderson go to SmackDown. Eventually the Hardy’s hit the Twist of Fate/Swanton Bomb combo for the win!
Segment/Match Quality- 7/10 Woo’s
Sasha Banks & Bayley
We saw Bayley walking to the ring before the break, but when we came back, it was Sasha Banks making her way to the ring. She said she had some unfinished business, but first, she introduced Raw’s Women’s Champion. Bayley made her way to the ring to join a beaming Banks.
Bayley thanked the crowd for believing in her, and for giving her the WrestleMania moment she finally wanted. Banks then said that she’s happy Bayley had her moment, but that it was over, and that she wanted a championship opportunity… WHEN ALEXA BLISS CAME OUT.
Be still my heart!
Alexa was talking smack (again, SUCK IT SMACKDOWN WRITERS), when Mickie James came out! She was making her way to the ring when Nia Jax showed up and destroyed everyone (except Alexa Bliss). Phew.
Segment/Match Quality- 9/10 Woo’s
Kevin Owens vs. Dean Ambrose
If I told you that this was a physical match, would you be surprised? If the answer is yes, you’re obviously new to WWE. This bout took a suspiciously long commercial break right in the middle of the match. There were some really ugly spots, like Kevin Owens throwing Dean Ambrose into the ringpost, almost earning a countout win. There was another spot where Ambrose set Owens on the rope, crotching him, before hitting a lariat.
Eventually Ambrose was able to hit dirty deeds for the win, and Raw’s Champion was deemed the best midcard title-holder! The Lunatic Fringe was celebrating when Chris Jericho returned! He rushed the ring, hitting a Codebreaker on the United States Champion to end the show.
Segment/Match Quality- 9/10 Woo’s
Best Segment/Match of the Night- Braun Strowman Murders Roman Reigns
He flipped an ambulance. What more do you need? Two ambulances?
Worst Segment/Match of the Night- Hawkins vs. Big Show
This wasn’t a bad segment, it just wasn’t particularly great either. On a show that was full of surprises, this was just perfectly okay.
Show Quality- 8/10 Woo’s
What a fun show! Monday Night Raw made off really well in the superstar shakeup. They added some really smart pieces, and Raw has been pretty good lately. It’ll be interesting to see how long the WrestleMania high lasts before the show becomes lackluster again.
