Now, we know what you’re thinking, and yes, wrestlers have played other sports. There’s The Rock with his college football career, CM Punk and his on/off love affair with MMA, and, of course, Macho Man Randy Savage and his early life spent in Minor League Baseball. That’s all well and good, but what we’re talking about today is the sports we’d like to see wrestlers play for the pure fun of it. We don’t necessarily want to see them win at the sport or even play well; we only want to have our laughs, that’s all. Poker, table tennis, even snooker; these are the sports that we’d love to see our favorite wrestlers playing.
The Undertaker – Snooker
He’s quiet, he’s moody, and he’s got a death stare that would put anyone off their game. Yes, The Undertaker would look like a grim opponent at the snooker table. We know, snooker is a boring old game at the best of times, but how great would it be to watch the man mountain that is The Undertaker try to deftly stroke the cue ball without putting it right through the cloth on the table. Or breaking it altogether.
Would he have the patience to sit there while his opponent took a decade or so to take a shot? Possibly not, but then anyone who tried to play him would be seriously intimidated by that stare and look to get their time at the table over and done with as quickly as possible. Now, all we need is a commentator that speaks above a whisper, and snooker might become interesting.
Hulk Hogan – Poker
One of the most important aspects of poker psychology is to learn to be a great loser, and we have to say, there are few wrestlers that fit this bill. John Cena would be the obvious exception to the rule, but where’s the fun in that. He’d be far too calm at the poker table for anything fun to happen. In fact, he’d be so cool, calm and collected that he’d probably win.
Nope, we’re going for one of the sorest losers of all time, Hulk Hogan. The man who Chris Hemsworth will supposedly play in a biopic would be the worst poker player ever. He could never handle being on the wrong end of a decision, and we’d love to see him flip a poker table at the World Series of Poker. Imagine he loses and takes the chair he’s sitting on to smash the table and send poker chips flying. It would be nothing short of incredible TV viewing. Can someone please make it happen?
Big Show – Table Tennis
Right as you may have guessed, we’re going for total comedic value in each of these suggestions. It’s between badminton and table tennis for the Big Show, but the badminton court is too big, and the racket way too big. So, table tennis wins.
Now, if you’ve ever met the man himself or seen him up close, you’ll know that the Big Show has hands the size of Thanksgiving turkeys. Imagine for a second, if you will, those huge hands trying to grasp a flimsy little paddle while trying to hit a ball flying at the speed of light. It’s enough to bring a smile to even Vince McMahon’s face.
Stone Cold Steve Austin – Chess
The man with a lot to say for himself has recently heard he’s getting his own chat show, and we can’t wait to watch. But you know what else we’d watch: Stone Cold at a chess board with Garry Kasparov. He’s one of the greatest chess players of all time in case you were wondering.
Anyway, we all know Austin is a smart guy, but patience is not one of his strengths. And watching him try to keep his temper under lock and key would be as hilarious as watching Hulk try to keep that poker face. He might have the smarts to play but waiting for his opponent to move would drive him crazy. Now, chess boxing, on the other hand, might be more his style.
The Rock – Figure Skating
This one is another one where we couldn’t decide between two sports. The choices were ballroom dancing and figure skating but considering that all those “Dancing with the Stars” shows prove that anyone can dance, we thought we’d give The Rock a bit of a challenge. Put The Rock on a dance floor, and he’d probably ace it. Ice, though, is an entirely different ball game.
Ah, how good would he look in one of those one-piece outfits with tassels and sequins? It would be like taking a trip back to the WWF in the early ‘80s. The Rock is, of course, a multitalented guy, but can he dance on ice? We think not. It would be great to see him try something and fail once. You know what though? He’d probably nail it to make us all look stupid.
Any Wrestler – Dodgeball
Here is one sport that wrestlers would be either amazing or terrible at playing. If Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn taught us anything, it’s that dodgeball takes agility, speed and a throwing arm that would make Tom Brady jealous. Agility and power are simple enough, but speed could be the kicker for some wrestlers.
We like to think that most of our favorite wrestlers would be pretty darn good at dodgeball. We can imagine our dream team. Is there room for a hybrid dodgeball/Royal Rumble? Now, that would be the stuff of dreams.
So, have we missed any obvious ones? Paige playing tennis or perhaps Triple H doing a spot of Olympic walking? While we had a little fun here, wrestlers are trained athletes, so the chances are they’d probably do quite well at anything you throw their way. Except for the Hulk and poker, though. That’s never going to work out. Or could it?