Last week, Jamie Greer referred to me, Ryan Smith, as Mr. Monday Night Raw, and from now on in, that’s what I’ll be referring to myself as, okay? Okay. This week, Monday Night Raw is full of promise! It’s the go-home show for FastLane. Goldberg is in the house! But who cares, because more importantly, we’re getting an interview between Seth Rollins and Michael Cole. Will Seth be back for WrestleMania? Will Finn Balor be back tonight or do we have to wait another week? Read Monday Night Raw Review: Rollins Report to find out!
Read More: Monday Night Raw Review: Emmalina Debuts
Monday Night Raw Review: Rollins Report
Disclaimer: The useless folks at Atlantic Broadband really did me wrong. My TV and Internet went down, and I was on hold for half an hour. So in order to watch Raw and cover it, I activated a mobile hotspot and used the USA Network wesbite. So if I miss any segments, I’m sorry, but I did my best.
Because of Atlantic Broadband, this is how I’m covering Raw tonight. #DIY #NotJustATagTeam pic.twitter.com/GLQjALail9
— Ryan (@RyanSmithLWOS) February 28, 2017
Goldberg and Kevin Owens
The future WWE Universal Champion opened the show. He addressed Kevin Owens and his promo from last week. Dadberg talked about all the people that he made promises to, and that he promised he would become the next Universal Champion. He began to walk out of the ring when Kevin Owens’ music it.
Owens brought up all the people he beat, including John Cena, all three members of the Shield, AJ Styles, and then he brushed off Chris Jericho‘s existence. Owens proceeded to tell Goldberg that he was next.
Goldberg responded that all his promo did was piss him off, and he invited Owens to the ring to fight. Owens fired up and acted like he was going to fight Goldberg, saying they should have a Green Bay Street Fight! Then he paused as he realized Raw was in Green Bay before saying Green Bay didn’t deserve to see it. The segment was about ten minutes long, but it was solid!
Segment/Match Quality- 8/10 Woo’s
The New Day and The Shining Stars
The most confusingly booked tag team in the WWE came out, and yet again pushed their food. They brought up Booty-O’s, and they were talking about their ice cream bars when they were interrupted by the Shining Stars
As the Shining Stars got halfway down the ring when the New Day pulled an Oscar joke, saying it was a mistake, and that they were actually taking on the Big Show later that night. Then Handsome Rusev and Jinder Mahal were announced as The New Day’s real opponents. Funny stuff, WWE.
Segment/Match Quality- 8/10 Woo’s
The New Day vs. Handsome Rusev and Don’t Hinder Jinder Mahal
The first match of the night started 22 minutes into the show. Mahal actually worked most of the match, but eventually the duo were able to isolate Xavier Woods. Is it just me or do the New Day seem much easier to beat when Woods is in instead of Kofi Kingston.
Eventually Big E got the hot tag and earned Woods a break. Handsome Rusev saved Jinder Mahal from being pinned, but an argument between Lana and Kofi Kingston got Rusev’s attention, and Mahal was so distracted that Xavier rolled him up. Can we please get Handsome Rusev something better to do than carry Jinder?
Segment/Match Quality- 6/10 Woo’s
Akira Tozawa vs. Noam Dar w/Alicia Fox
My second favorite cruisweright, Akira Tozawa was in action for the show’s second match, and he faced off against PROGRESS alum Noam Dar. Has Noam Dar won a match since the end of the Cedric Alexander feud? It seems like there’s a tier of cruiserweights just there to take losses.
Tozawa is the only cruiserweight that can consistently get a reaction from the crowd. Akira Tozawa hit his patented snap-suplex for the one-two-three. He was celebrating when the Brian Kendrick came out and attacked him.
He beat him down before cutting a promo about how he should’ve listened. This Kendrick-Tozawa program is interesting, I just hope the payoff doesn’t happen on Monday Night Raw.
Segment/Match Quality- 8/10 Woo’s
Charlotte w/Dana Brooke and Bayley
The four time WWE Raw’s Women’s Champion and her sidekick came to the ring. Charlotte and Dana Brooke came to the ring and ran down Bayley‘s character. She said that she thought Bayley would want to win the title like a real champion. Charlotte compared Bayley to one-hit wonders, before getting a cheap heel pop by calling Brett Favre a one-hit wonder.
Bayley came out to defend her character. Bayley brought up how she beat Charlotte three times and that nobody can do anything about her. Then she brought up how she planned to go into WrestleMania as champion.
Charlotte was running Bayley down when Sasha Banks came out to the rescue. Banks brought up Charlotte’s daddy issues, but Charlotte continued to remind Bayley, and all of us, that Banks had alternative motives for helping Bayley. There was some verbal sparring and it was revealed that there was a tag team match. But Dana Brooke wasn’t Charlotte’s partner, Nia Jax was.
Segment/Match Quality- 7/10 Woo’s
Charlotte and Nia Jax vs. Sasha Banskley
Sasha Banksley? Does that work? Sayley? Slayley? Look, Sheasaro was great, I haven’t been able to duplicate my success. I’m not perfect, I’m sorry.
Anyway, Jax and Banks continued their rivalry as they started the match. I can’t tell if Banks is really good at selling or if Jax is just trying to kill her opponents. The Raw WWE Women’s Champion tagged in, and she also got destroyed.
Jax began destroying both women before dragging Bayley over to the corner and tagging Charlotte in. But… Why? She was destroying Basha. Speaking of which, how weird is it that she’s the only wrestler in this match to never hold the Women’s Championship?
In any event, Sasha and Bayley began beating Charlotte up. Good call, Nia. Eventually, Charlotte tagged Jax in again, and she began destroying both women… only to tag Charlotte back in. Why? If I’m teaming with XX Braun Strowman, I’m not tagging in ever. I’m taking the easy win.
But instead the two kept tagging in and out like Arn and Tully. Eventually Sasha escaped and got to Bayley for the hot tag, who took it to Charlotte. Jax got the tag and eventually pinned Bayley with a leg-drop. Solid match, despite my nitpicking.
Segment/Match Quality- 8/10 Woo’s
Luke Gallows vs. Big Cass
Oh god. This match is not going to be pretty. This is not going to be pretty at all. Last week we had a great match between two big guys. This week? I’m not optimistic. But, as it is, the big guy in the Certified G’s took on the big guy in Raw’s Tag Team Championships.
The Hardy’s are coming, right? Can they hurry up? Please? I’ll pay for the contract myself. It might be the same way that Paul Heyman paid contracts, but… eh?
Luke Gallows started the match on the right foot, literally, by superkicking Big Cass. This match was bad. This match was so bad. Cass got the win, and halfway through this match, Enzo Amore threw Karl Anderson into the stairs.
Enzo Amore, the worst wrestler in the WWE, manhandled Karl Anderson, the most underrated wrestler on the roster. Can you say worst segment? Hopefully Cass went over because the Club are retaining at FastLane.
Segment/Match Quality- 2/10 Woo’s
Titus O’Neil vs. Sheamus
Oh sweet baby J. WWE, get it together. Keep an open mind, Ryan. Sheamus has steadily improved as a wrestler. He’s much better than he used to be. This could be a good match. Two huge dudes? That built WWE, let’s go in with an open mind.
Titus actually showed a meanstreak. He attacked Sheamus before he got in the ring, and was laying the beatdown when Sheamus hit a Brogue Kick out of nowhere! That was hilarious! I’m okay with this.
Lmaooooooo. Well, that happened.
Never shove Vince McMahon, kids! #RAW
— Conner Fleegle (@McFleegle) February 28, 2017
Segment/Match Quality- 7/10 Woo’s
Rollins Report
As we entered the final hour of Monday Night Raw, we were promised plenty of action. A Cesaro vs. Samoa Joe match, another cruiserweight bout, and a Roman Reigns/Braun Strowman contract signing. But first, Corey Graves had an in-ring interview with Seth Rollins.
Total honesty here, I’m a huge Seth Rollins mark. The commercials seem to be taking forever, and having the segment this early is not a good sign. I feel like if it was good news, they’d end the show with it. My heart is sinking like WWE Network subscriptions after each Royal Rumble.
Seth came to the ring on a crutch, and hugged it out with Corey Graves. Side note, Corey Graves is an incredible interviewer. It’s a shame that he never got a main roster run as a wrestler. Rollins brought up how he feels like maybe he deserved to hurt his knee.
He brought up the sacrifices he made, like aligning with the Authority, and like if his injuries were karma. He kinda threw a pity-party, and then Corey Graves asked if he was going to miss WrestleMania.
Seth paused, staring at the ring, deep in thought, before saying that right now, it doesn’t look great. He said it didn’t look like the doctors were going to clear him in time for WrestleMania… and then Triple H came out.
Time To Play The Game
The Game came to the ring, smiling. He taunted Rollins, saying it was good to see him. He was taunting Rollins, and then Samoa Joe miraculously appeared behind him. Triple H told him Rollins was definitely going to miss WrestleMania.
The game affirmed Rollins’ theory that he deserved this. Triple H reminded him that Rollins’ success was a product of the system. It was at this point that Joe stood on the apron, and Rollins begun to brandish the crutch like a weapon. Triple H delivered the line of the century saying that Rollins used to be the future… and now he’s the past.
Triple H warned Rollins not to show up at WrestleMania and challenge him, because if he did, Triple H swore it would be the last thing Rollins ever did in a WWE ring.
Seth Rollins shouted at Triple H, and said that he had nothing left to lose… and that he WOULD CHALLENGE TRIPLE H AT WRESTLEMANIA. OH THANK GOD.
He said that “it might be the last thing I ever do… but it will also be the last thing you ever do”.
Segment/Match Quality- 10/10 Woo’s
The Shining Stars vs. The Big Show
The Big Show pretty much destroyed the Shining Stars. YOU SEE THAT, SHAQ? HE’S COMIN FOR YOU.
On another note, what’s with the beard? Is he auditioning to be the next Wyatt? THE WYATT SHOOOWWWWWWW. See what happens when you don’t turn Big Show face and heel every five seconds, WWE? People like him. At least, I do. Worst booked wrestler ever of all time. Even WCW booked The Giant better.
Segment/Match Quality- 610 Woo’s
Neville and Tony Nese vs. Jack Gallagher and T.J. Perkins
WWE, WHAT DID I TELL YOU? DON’T PUT THESE TWO TOGETHER. Tony Nese and Neville are basically twins! This is so confusion. Anyway, a tag match before the pay per view is nice because you can tease the feud without resolving anything. That’s why Neville and Jack Gallagher are in this match.
Perkins hit the ropes, but he accidentally knocked Gallagher out of the ring and Neville began beating him down. There was a great spot where Neville was holding Perkins down with a knee while mocking Gallagher and his mustache.
Gallagher locked Nese in a submission and Neville was going to save him, but he changed his mind. Nese tapped out and the babyfaces celebrated. Solid bout.
Segment/Match Quality- 6/10 Woo’s
Cesaro vs. Samoa Joe
If I told you this was a high-flying, soft-style match, you’d believe me, right? Well, you’d be stupid because these two absolutely killed each other. To this point, Samoa Joe has left all of his opponents lying in their own mess. Cesaro was able to get Joe off his feet, leaving me wonder why he isn’t booked better, but ultimately Joe took over.
Joe won, but it was kinda awkward. Cesaro was selling a bad knee the entire match, so either WWE is making this Joe’s gimmick or if he’s legitimately out to destroy the roster.
Discount Renee Young interviewed Joe at the top of the ramp, and Sami Zayn came out! Zayn actually laid a pretty decent beating on Joe, including a dive off the stage onto Joe where he almost landed on his head. In any event, this match will be great, be it at FastLane or WrestleMania, and god bless Ring of Honor.
Segment/Match Quality- 8/10 Woo’s
Contract Signing
Roman Reigns is closing Monday Night Raw, are you surprised? Because I’m not. What’s great is that this match could be great, but I have a sinking feeling a certain deadman is going to interrupt. The show was still out to commercials at 10:57, and so I bought tickets to see Kong next Thursday. Good cast, I’m excited.
Braun Strowman came to the ring and demanded that Foley leave. Foley refused and Strowman cut him down, saying he isn’t the man that he used to be and that Strowman doesn’t respect him anymore. He was going to beat Foley up when Roman Reigns came to the rescue.
Believe it or not, this segment was actually pretty good. There was a cool moment where Strowman tried to throw Roman into the stairs and he managed to dive over them before hitting Strowman with a superman punch. He tried to do another one, but Strowman caught him and drove him into the ring post. The brawl spilled into the crowd as Strowman kicked him around.
Reigns speared Strowman through the barricade, and also some poor ring guy. The camera panned on Reigns and the WrestleMania sign for like six years, and as he signed his name on the contract, I swear to God, there was a Roman chant.
Strowman returned to the ring and when Reigns went for another spear, Braun threw him into the turnbuckles with such force that the top rope fell apart. Good gawd, as good ol JR would say.
Segment/Match Quality- 10/10 Woo’s
Best Segment/Match of the Night- Seth Rollins vs. Triple H
Maybe I’m biased here, but that segment was awesome. Seth Rollins seemed to have given up. He seemed defeated, like WrestleMania wasn’t a possibility. Then Triple H came out and cut an obnoxious promo. A blood boiling promo. And it seemed to wake Seth Rollins up, and now the two are destined for WrestleMania.
Worst Segment/Match of the Night- Big Cass vs. Luke Gallows
The wrestling was bad, the psychology was bad, the popcorn sold during this match? Was bad. It wasn’t a long bout, but it really, really felt like it. Enzo manhandling Karl was the last straw. Being booked to job out to “the guy” is one thing, but the discount New Age Outlaws? No thanks.
Show Quality- 8/10 Woo’s
This was a pretty good show. It seems like Seth Rollins is a go for WrestleMania, but they’re leaving the door open in case he can’t. I doubt that they’ll have a match, but instead it’ll be an “unsanctioned fight” like HBK vs. Y2J from a few years back. This is a good thing, because Trips isn’t the wrestler he once was, and the inclusion of weapons will cover up his regression and Rollins’ health. Good stuff. Other than that, solid show, and I’m excited for FastLane… hopefully Owens retains but I’m not optimistic.
