Watching Monday Night Raw this week will not be easy. Before last week, there was always a Seth Rollins segment or Emmalina’s debut to look forward to. Instead, Rollins is hurt, and reportedly, WWE creative have no plans for Emmalina. In any event, Goldberg appeared on Raw to respond to Brock Lesnar. Did he say yes, or will it require something more? Here’s the Monday Night Raw Review: Goldberg Responds.
Read More: Monday Night Raw Review (January)
Monday Night Raw Review: Goldberg Responds
Samoa Joe Contract Signing
The show opened with Mick Foley and Stephanie McMahon were in the ring to sign Samoa Joe. Yup. Samoa Joe is on Monday Night Raw. Say it again for the TNA fanboys in the back, Samoaaaaa Joe! is on Monday Night Raw.
Begrudgingly, Mick Foley summoned a suited Samoa Joe to the ring. McMahon hyped up Samoa Joe, and he stared ahead cooly. McMahon proceeded to cut Foley down, because nothing says “entertaining authority figure” like emasculating all the talent.
Joe cut an emotional promo about how he was going to destroy the entire Monday Night Raw roster, claiming the destroyer arrived, and he had Triple H to thank for it.
Who came out? Was it Triple H? Or as it Seth Rollins? The Yeti?
No. It was Roman Reigns. Roman Reigns came to the ring. Fun fact, both of these samoan men share the exact same amount of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson’s blood. Yup. Neither man is even remotely biologically related to the Rock. Hopefully Joe gets a similar superman push.
Watching Joe and Reigns stare each other down is symbolic. One of Triple H’s guys versus Vince McMahon’s guys. Mick Foley however, is our guy, and he made a match for Samoa Joe and Roman Reigns to face off tonight!
Segment/Match Quality- 5/10 Woo’s
.@McFleegle just pointed out what should be obvious. Strowman is going to interfere in that match.
— Ryan (@RyanSmithLWOS) February 7, 2017
Bayley vs. Nia Jax
As always, the first wrestling match of the night started at 8:20, after a winded McMahon/Reigns promo. Corey Graves pointed out that Jax owns all the female weightlifting records at the performance center, and uh, duh?
If you’re a fan of NXT like I am, you’ve seen this match before. If you’re a fan of Monday Night Raw, you’ve also seen this match before. There are five women on the roster, you’ve seen every match before. Raw is missing Emmalina, Paige, Summer Rae, and any potential free agents, and they’re missing them badly.
This is similar to Braun Strowman vs. Sami Zayn, except nowhere near as good or well booked. When these two faced off at NXT Takeover, it was strategic. Bayley wore Jax down, and was ultimately able to submit her. On Raw, she just kinda throws herself and Jax, and Jax proceeds to throw her right back.
Charlotte came into the ring, distracting Bayley long enough for Jax to come in and get the win. What’s going on here? Bayley has a championships chance with Charlotte next week, but she just lost to Nia Jax, who she was fighting to avenge Sasha Banks? The same Sasha Banks that is definitely obviously turning on Bayley next week? Meh.
Segment/Match Quality- 4/10 Woo’s
Braun Strowman vs. Four Nameless Jobbers
Yeah, you didn’t read that wrong. Braun Strowman took on four dudes. Hold on, I’m getting the stopwatch ready.
Strowman destroyed all four men, but sadly, he didn’t do it fast enough for my timer to matter. One of the four nameless jobbers literally got out of the ring and ran away. That was hilarious.
He eventually pinned the three remaining men at once for the win. It was absolutely hilarious. After the match, Braun Strowman cut a promo about how this wasn’t real competition and that he was going to find Foley.
Except no. That’s stupid. Every single time Strowman comes face to face with a big guy, he just stares at them and walk away. C’mon WWE, you’re better than this.
Segment/Match Quality- 7/10 Woo’s
Akira Tozawa vs. Drew Gulak
Dragon Gate’s Akira Tozawa makes his Monday Night Raw debut! This could be exciting. Having someone of Tozawa’s stature between the purple ropes gives the match a little legitimacy.
Tozawa attacked with ferocity and intensity, and made it seem like he actually cared about the fight. It was enough that he actually got a reaction out of the crowd for the match, and that’s saying something. Eventually he hit his patented german suplex and earned a pin on the bridge. Fantastic bout.
The Brian Kendrick ran down the ring and shook Tozawas hand before walking away. Interesting. Did I miss something on 205 Live?
Segment/Match Quality- 8/10 Woo’s
JeriKO and Dadberg
The best friends and Universal United States Champions stood in the middle of the ring as the second hour of Raw started. Kevin Owens bragged about how nobody said he had a chance against Braun Strowman, and yet here he was, still the champion.
Kevin Owens is brilliant, but you know what the problem with his reign is? He’s basically the exact same champion that Seth Rollins was in 2015. He’s the cowardly heel, which Rollins didn’t invent obviously, but, it just feels stale. It’s Chris Jericho that’s keeping Owens live. Jericho is wildly entertaining, and their dynamic keeps Owens fresh.
Anyway, Chris Jericho was brilliant as always. He put Tom Brady on the list because people were calling him the greatest of all time. That was hilarious, and earned a huge pop from the crowd. He moved onto bigger things, challenging his friend to a WrestleMania main event, title versus title match!
Owens was trying to sneak out of it when, sigh… Goldberg came out. Maybe this means they’re about to set up Goldberg vs. Kevin Owens for the Universal Title at FastLane. Hey, in case you forgot, this is a bad idea.
WWE, do not put the belt on Goldberg. I repeat, do not put the belt on Goldberg.
Goldberg decided to stand in the middle of the ring and accept Lesnar’s challenge. Owens congratulated Goldberg, but said that he versus Jericho was going to be the main event, and then he brought up the Universal Championship.
Goldberg challenged Owens for the belt at FastLane, and this offended Jericho. It offended Jericho so much that he went to put Goldberg on the list. Admittedly, Goldberg stole the segment by putting himself on the list.
Jericho stood in between the two, and was challenging Goldberg himself when he chickened out and accepted Goldberg’s challenge. This is garbage. This is pure garbage. Goldberg comes out to accept Lesnar’s challenge, and then because Owens mouths off, Goldberg decides, “meh, I’ll challenge for the belt”. Way to prioritize, WWE.
Segment/Match Quality- 5/10 Woo’s
Sheasaro vs. The Club
Sheasaro and The Club faced off in a title re-match, and hopefully, hooooopefully, this is the last time we see these two wrestle for a long time. Enzo and Cass were on commentary, leading me to believe that A. the dreadful feud with Handsome Rusev and Jinder Mahal is over and B. that somehow, they’re in line for a title picture. Where are the Shining Stars!
Maybe WWE should stop building feuds around Lana, it’s never good.
The match ended when Luke Gallows superkicked Enzo and Big Cass hit him with the big boot, giving them the win via DQ. Womp womp womp.
Segment/Match Quality- 3/10 Woo’s
The New Day vs. The Shining Stars
The Shining Stars were in the ring when we came back from commercial. I take back what I said earlier. They can stay gone. The New Day teased the Shining Stars for being out there every week selling pamphlets to Puerto Rico but… they haven’t been on TV in weeks. Then they claimed that Puerto Rico doesn’t exist.
Well… I certainly haven’t been there.
When we came back from commercial, they were halfway through a match. Alllllrighty then. It was a decent bout, but it felt like filler. Xavier eventually got the pinfall while screaming “ice cream, ice cream”, and that was about it. That was some lazy filler. We’re approaching the final hour of Raw, and the best segment has been a cruiserweight match. Not a good sign.
Segment/Match Quality- 3/10 Woo’s
Sami Zayn vs. Chris Jericho
Kicking off the final hour of the show, Sami Zayn had a United States Championship shot against his former best friend’s future former best friend. Get… it?!
I wish this match wasn’t stale, but we’ve just seen it already. Raw might not be as entertaining without Chris Jericho, but it will be fresher. He’s wrestled everyone who’s anyone since coming back, and he needs some time off. Furthermore, Raw needs to reload and find some new talent.
This was a good match, but it was kinda dull. Jericho distracted the ref, Owens superkicked Zayn, and Jericho was able to retain. It wasn’t the show-changing segment I hoped it would be. Seth, it’s not too late to save the day.
Segment/Match Quality- 4/10 Woo’s
Austin Aries interviews Neville
Austin Aries secured an interview with Neville to announce that T.J. Perkins, Tony Nese, Cedric Alexander, Noam Dar, and Jack Gallagher would have a fatal fiveway to earn a number one contendership for Neville’s CruiserWeight Championship at FastLane.
Neville said it didn’t matter who won, and Cedric Alexander made his way to the ring. Soon all of the contenders made their way to the ring. Neville’s fed-up face matched mine, as it was too late for these shenanigans. Before long, all hell broke loose, and I guess Teddy Long came out during commercial because a six man tag was made.
Segment/Match Quality- 4/10 Woo’s
STOP THE PRESS. EMMALINA DEBUTS NEXT WEEK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Neville, Nese, and Dar vs. Alexander, Perkins, and Gallagher
It didn’t feel like there was enough time for this. The match went well into the final half-hour of the show, and there’s still a Samoa Joe vs. Samoan named Joe match to main event. It was fine, but uneventful. At the end of the match, Neville took his belt and walked away. Nese and Dar yelled at him, but walked off stage. Cedric Alexander eventually got the pin, obviously on Noam Dar. Take that Alicia Fooooooooooooooox.
Segment/Match Quality- 6/10 Woo’s
Samoa Joe vs. Roman Reigns
Samoa Joe attacked Reigns before the match even started, and tossed him around the arena. He battered and beat Reigns so badly that the announcers question if the match would even happen. Reigns crawled into the ring during the break, and the match officially started, but the Samoa Superman could barely stand.
It was a brutal bout, and surprisingly, Joe beat the hell out of Reigns. Even after injuring Seth Rollins, Joe was still far more over than Reigns, and the crowd was letting him know. Reigns spent the majority of the match on the ground, and Joe was just dominating him.
Reigns mounted his comeback, but something stupid happened. Joe was selling like he was hurt, despite the fact that Reigns hadn’t gotten any offense in. Joe looked winded and beat up, but he had been dominating Reigns for the entire match. It just didn’t make any sense.
In any event, Reigns got his comeback in, and used Joe’s momentum to launch the former TNA World Champion into a samoan drop.
Roman Reigns hit Samoa Joe with the most literal samoan drop of all time.
— Ryan (@RyanSmithLWOS) February 7, 2017
What happened next would surprise you if you’ve never watched WWE before. Braun Strowman came out and distracted Reigns long enough for Joe to get the win. I wish that hadn’t been obvious from the beginning of the show.
Strowman powerslammed Reigns, and if Rollins is going to continue making televised appearances on the road to WrestleMania, he didn’t come out tonight. A very predictable main event perfectly caps off a very predictable episode of Monday Night Raw.
Segment/Match Quality- 6/10 Woo’s
Best Segment/Match of the Night- Akira Tozawa vs. Drew Gulak
This is sad. It was a good match, but the best match of the night? It was just such a bad show that this five minute match was the easiest to watch. Bad, repetitive booking ruined this show. Non-finishes, and boring nonsense. Thank god for Akira Tozawa and his snap-suplex.
Worst Segment/Match of the Night- The New Day vs. The Shining Stars
This match was fine, but predictable and boring. That kinda sums up this entire episode of Monday Night Raw, doesn’t it? It was a filler show, desperately lacking in meaningful story-telling.
Show Quality- 3/10 Woo’s
This show sucked. There’s nothing else to say about it. It was a bad show. You could’ve completely missed this Raw, read my review, and had a more enjoyable experience. That’s right, my little review was better than actual Monday Night Raw this week. They even managed to make a bad segment with Heel Neville, who we have established is the best thing on Monday Night Raw.
Remind me again why Seth Rollins isn’t Universal Champion? Because this show was terrible without him. Maybe I’m being harsh, but even when they had something good going, they blew it. Matches we’ve seen a million times that ended either with or by interference. Telegraphing booking for not only this show, but the upcoming pay per view?
