Dear WWE fans,
Before I begin, I suggest we listen to Shawn Michaels heartbreaking 1996 Slammy Award nominated song “Tell Me A Lie”. You know, to set the mood.
It was impressive. 2005 to 2014? That’s a lifetime for a lot of people. I’ve heard of relationships I thought were going to last forever and go for less! I remember back in 2005 when I first heard about you two together. It was an interesting time. You were really excited about this strange kid you met from Chicago, who was originally dating some hardcore chick who made money from selling DVDs of herself online. It seemed like he was going to do a lot better getting with you. I didn’t think it would ever work because you tend to prefer the more muscular, clean cut type. But there you were. And there was him. He looked like he was trying to change for you. Look like the muscular types you were used to. But you didn’t want him to change. You liked him just the way he was when you met him. You didn’t even change his name. He was CM Punk.
Eventually things went public when he got to ECW. Maybe it wasn’t the brightest way to showcase your new relationship but in the end it was the right start. Things didn’t always go as planned but eventually he was getting bigger reactions than any of the other boys on the block. You gave him so much attention. Even when he was just a throw-in with D-Generation X at Survivor Series, there you were cheering for him louder than anyone else in Philadelphia. Soon came the gold, and soon came some hardship and disappointment. But he was the fastest Triple Crown winner in WWE history and the first ever two-time Money in the Bank winner. When he turned heel on Jeff Hardy you were mad but, you knew it was for the best.
Even as the leader of the Straight Edge Society and even the New Nexus, you didn’t want to boo him. He was your guy. You had been through so much! By 2011 it felt like he was better than any of your exes and you really wanted him to be the guy. You wanted it so much even when he threatened to leave the WWE and go back to his DVD whoring ex, you still stuck with him. You knew he might leave the WWE but he’d never leave you. And when he beat John Cena and became WWE Champion, he did come back to you. Maybe he should have been gone longer than a couple weeks but damn if anything is going to keep him apart from you!
Fast forward to 2014. Punk is looking pretty tired. It looks like this just isn’t working anymore. But he seems to keep it up and so do you. He isn’t going to leave you, is he? But then it happened. Right after the Royal Rumble, he stopped showing up. But he’s left before. Come on, remember in 2011? It’s okay. He’ll come back. This isn’t over.
Tell me a lie!
And say that you won’t go
Look in my eyes
And hold me even though
I realize you have to walk away
No more yesterdays
It soon came out that CM Punk was spotted outside Chicago airport, waiting for AJ Lee. There were a bunch of photos taken of it. Punk then popped up at a UFC event, octagon side with UFC President Dana White. Was he jumping to UFC? No, Dana said they are just good friends. Oh. It then came out he was going to be on some Seth Meyers show nobody watches but I guess he cancelled. And then he showed up on the Talking Dead show! He looked pretty healthy too. Maybe he’s doing good. Maybe he’s gonna remember the good times, maybe he’s going to OH IS THAT CM PUNK WITH COLT CABANA AT A CHICAGO BLACKHAWKS GAME?
Okay. WWE fans? You see what this is? It’s unhealthy.
He left you. It’s over. Maybe he’ll come back. Maybe he won’t. But you need to let it go. You need to move on. There’s a Daniel Bryan right now who worked hard for your love and support. CM Punk even said it’s his year now. Maybe you should think about that and consider moving on. You’re getting a bit crazy. It’s like you can’t go near a wrestling discussion without babbling on about how CM Punk can return at WrestleMania like he’s the Ultimate Warrior and do a main event run in, or how you have to post every single public appearance he makes. Calm down. Life goes on. There’s plenty of fish in the WWE Universe.
I know it might be hard to think of a WWE without him, since he was such an important part of your viewing ritual for the last several years but there’s nothing else you can do. He’s gone. Leave the memories alone.
And stop stalking him and taking his photo everywhere, you weirdos.
Thank you for reading. Please take a moment to follow me on Twitter – @AaronWrotkowski. Support LWOS by following us on Twitter – @LastWordOnSport – and “liking” our Facebook page.
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Photo by WWE.com
