Fights Of Fancy: Dean Ambrose vs. Mick Foley

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In my two previous articles I first discussed the idea that World Wrestling Entertainment was trying to capture lightning in a bottle twice by trying to make Dean Ambrose the new Mick Foley.  Then I asked if it was time the original feud between these two from 2012 make a return in 2015.  Whether or not it will ever come to fruition remains to be seen, so until it does this contest remains a fantasy match.  Just because this battle only exists in the arena of our imagination, it doesn’t mean we can’t speculate about who would be victorious in this showdown of sadists.

Usually when writing Fights of Fancy, I tend to pair off competitors in their primes.  However, this edition will take a different approach.  We will do our usual hypothesis regarding the outcome of the fight, but we will also throw in a little fantasy booker here as well.  This article isn’t just to see what could be in a make believe world, but in a real reality era WWE.  This is simply the way I imagine the story playing out in my own head.  It is by no means gospel to the book of Vince McMahon, nor is it the best story. It’s simply the best one I could conceive for the purpose of this article.

The Build Up

It is announced that Mick Foley will be making an appearance on RAW to address the WWE Universe.  It isn’t known why he will be there, except that he has something important he needs to say. When he arrives, Foley will do his usual hokey schtick and pander to the crowd, eventually asking if Dean Ambrose could come out.

The Lunatic Fringe would be happy to oblige and Foley would cut to the chase. In the last few months he has noticed Ambrose become a bit more risky in his offense, using his own body as a weapon in matches and finding a preference for a more hardcore style.  A style that Foley himself once made popular.  He might even point out that Ambrose uses a Double Arm DDT as his signature maneuver, another piece of his arsenal that Foley used first.  At first Mick would come off as flattered that he inspired a superstar as good as Dean Ambrose, but then his tone would become very serious.  Foley would admit he has come out to ask Dean a favor.  One that he knows will be hard to do.  Foley then asks that Dean Ambrose stops.

Foley would go on to explain that having lived through a life of pain at the expense of his career, he knows exactly what he’s talking about.  He will say that he’s concerned about Ambrose not having a future after WWE because the fact that Foley paved the way and is still speaking coherently is a miracle.  Had it not been for his inhuman tolerance for pain, he would be in a wheelchair and although he thinks Ambrose is plenty tough, he’s not a freak of nature like Foley.

Ambrose would think long and hard about his response and tell Foley that although he is touched that Foley cares so much, he knows exactly what he is doing and he is a lot tougher than he looks.  As a gesture of good faith, Ambrose invites Foley to watch his match that night on RAW, which will be contested under hardcore rules.  Ambrose hopes that having an up close look at what he does will reassure Foley about his position.  Foley tries to object, but Ambrose, doesn’t give him an opportunity to respond and exits the ring, leaving fans to wonder if Foley will accept.

Later on that evening, Ambrose is in the middle of his hardcore match when Foley decides to make his way to ringside to observe and offer some perspective via commentary.  Ambrose is in firm control when he decides an elbow drop to the outside onto a prone opponent is the way to finish this contest.  Foley would rise from the table and ask Ambrose not to do this.  After a short argument, Dean’s opponent would get off the table and the match would continue.  Ambrose would regain control again and look to attack his opponent with a chair, when Foley would once again spring onto the ring apron to protest.  This however would be his undoing as grabbing the chair from Ambrose would distract him long enough for his opponent to know Ambrose into Foley, sending him crashing through the table meant for Dean’s opponent minutes ago.  Ambrose would look on in shock until being rolled up for the surprise loss.

As the weeks go by, the WWE Universe continues to receive updates on the condition of Foley.  Eventually Mick gives an interview via satellite, where he says if Dean Ambrose is truly sorry for what he has done, he will change his hardcore ways.  Ambrose comes out and tells Foley that he feels bad about what happened, but it was an accident, and when he thinks about how everything went down, something doesn’t add up.  Foley was the guy who got thrown off Hell in a Cell, but going through a table took him out for weeks?  Ambrose accuses Foley of milking the injury for both attention and to get his way.  Foley becomes insulted insisting that Dean knows nothing about guilt.  Mick would then go on to talk about how he was been forced to watch countless others try to imitate him and get hurt doing so.  The only way he is able to sleep at night is by knowing that none of them ever got to the level of pain he feels on a daily basis.

Ambrose fires back that he thinks Foley is telling a half truth.  He does believe Foley has trouble sleeping at night when he thinks about those other wrestlers imitating him, but not out of guilt.  He is afraid that one day someone will take over his legacy as the hardcore icon and all he’ll be remembered as is the guy who pulled a sock out of his pants.  He is only able to sleep at night because none of those heir to the throne have able to surpass him.  Ambrose would insinuate that Foley hasn’t slept in the last few weeks because he has seen someone who can take his place on top of the hardcore mountain, and his name is Dean Ambrose.  Dean would also go on to say that Foley has asked Dean to stop because it’s been so long since he was in a real fight, he forgot who the hell he is.  If Foley wants to know if he’s still king of the hill, all he has to do is ask for a match and Ambrose will give it to him.

Foley would appear to look angry, but refuse the challenge, and end the interview.  In the coming weeks, Dean Ambrose would come out and challenge Foley in various ways, either through direct promos or by goading him into a fight by wearing Cactus Jack flannel, using more of Foley repertoire, and giving the signature BANG BANG hang gesture.  Finally one night during a Dean Ambrose promo, he is interrupted by the familiar sound of squealing tires and a car crash as Mick Foley makes his way to the ring.  Foley enters and admits that Ambrose might have been right about Foley’s own fears but knows now that he wasn’t ready.  Foley would go on to say that he needs to both thank and apologize to Dean.  Thank him for all the taunting.  It lit a fire inside of him that he wasn’t sure was there anymore, and apologize for the beating he was going to give them in their match.  With that, Foley would attack Ambrose and the stage would be set for the clash of cruelty.  Dean Ambrose vs Mick Foley in a hardcore match.

The Match

Ambrose is younger and faster than Foley, he would no doubt try to stick and move by peppering Mick with fists at the outset.  Foley would show he is still able to take the punishment by getting hit and then asking for more.  Dean would be happy to oblige, but would then get peppered with more than a few of Foley’s own fists.  Dean would stumble into the ropes but bounce off for his Lunatic Lariat, leaving both men floored.  Dean would likely take control after that, bouncing Foley around ringside, throwing him into the steel steps, and clotheslining him over the guardrail.  After some brawling in the crowd, Dean would look to charge at Foley, only to have Mrs. Foley’s Baby Boy hip toss him over the guardrail onto the cold concrete below.

Mick would likely bring the action back inside and show some familiar moves like his running knee in the corner and his stump puller piledriver, before grabbing a steel chair to the delight of the crowd.  Foley would use the chair across the back of Dean a couple of times, but would make a mistake in trying to run at Dean with the chair to pick up momentum.  Ambrose would turn the move into a drop toe hold and send Foley crashing to the mat.  It would now be Dean’s turn to search for plunder, and in doing so would find an old friend of his own in a kendo stick, which he would use to bring up welts all over the body of Mick.  Looking to put an end to things, Ambrose would clear off the ringside table and place Foley on top of it.  Reminiscent of weeks earlier, Dean would climb to the top turnbuckle and leap off, only to have his opponent escape at the last moment, leaving Ambrose to crash and burn.

Seizing the opportunity, Foley would jump onto the ring apron and leap forward, careening into the chest of Ambrose with a Cactus Jack Elbow and his signature BANG BANG war cry.  With Ambrose crawling into the ring, Foley would reach under the ring and grab his trademark weapon:  his barbed wire baseball bat.  Once in the ring, Ambrose would catch sight of “Barbie” and beg for Foley’s mercy.  It would all be a ploy by the Lunatic Fringe who would go low on Foley and hit a Dirty Deeds DDT.  Miraculously, Mick would manage to kick out at the last second, and the match would continue.  It would be at this point Dean would realize he needs to give Foley a taste of his own medicine.  He would jump to the outside and produce a small canvas bag that would send murmurs through the crowd.  Dean would step back into the ring and pour out the contents of the sack:  a sea of razor sharp thumbtacks.

Ambrose would pick up a lifeless Foley for a second Dirty Deeds DDT, this time in the thumb tacks, when Foley would reverse the move, sending Ambrose back first into his own pool of pins!  While Dean struggled to rise, Foley would produce a dirty, sweaty sock from his trunks and apply the mandible claw to a still writhing Ambrose.  Dean would start fading, but manage to kick Foley in the stomach and hit a second Dirty Deeds DDT.  To the surprise of everyone, Foley would kick out again, as Ambrose sat stunned at Foley’s refusal to quit.  In that moment, Foley’s barbed wire baseball bat would catch the eye of Ambrose, and would grab a hold of it, intent of swinging for the fences using Mick’s face as a baseball.  When Foley eventually would make it to his feet, Dean would swing but miss and get nailed with Foley’s own version of the Double Arm DDT!  What should have been the end would only be a delay as Dean would kick out at 2 and a half, leaving Foley lying next to his challenger, wondering what to do next.

Trying to go two for two, Foley would hook in Dean’s arms for a second Double Arm DDT, but Ambrose would spin out of the move, putting him in position for is classic bulldog driver.  Ambrose would raise Foley’s head and drive them both into the pile of thumbtacks below with a sickening crash. With both men squirming in agony, a visibly shaking Dean Ambrose would manage to drape his arm across the battered Foley for the pin fall victory.  After the match, Foley would extend his thumbtacked covered hand to Dean, who would reach out his own pin cushion arm to accept this torched passed onto him.

Winner: Dean Ambrose

Even if this build up scenario played out on WWE television, Mick Foley is all about making guys into bigger and better superstars, so it is doubtful that Foley would be winning this match, even if it was advertised as a match to prove his legacy.  Dean winning here would elevate him into a unique main event talent and it would allow Foley to have a final match with a competitor that could have gone toe to toe with him in his prime.  At the end of the day however, these observations are the opinions of just one man.  If you have a different idea of how things would go down, don’t be afraid to leave your thoughts.  After all, in the arena of your imagination, it’s always no thoughts barred.