By now the Super Bowl has been dissected in every way. It’s a little bit of overload, don’t you think? Here’s a little preview of your Super Bowl Party.
10:06 AM- The ONE thing you were supposed to remember? Oh yeah, you forgot it. You set out to your local retail store where you are forced into the crowd of angry shoppers you thought you left behind in the holiday season. Name brands at this point are completely out of the question, so you are forced to succumb to generic guac. Less than enthused, you make your way back home to set up for your party.
12:00 PM- Despite your invitation clearly stating that the festivities would begin promptly at 2 in the afternoon, your old college roommate has decided that your house is now his house too. In between setting up your food, you must awkwardly entertain him as he rummages through your belongings.
2:05 PM- The party is now cooking and all your guests have arrived except for one. They arrive soon after and let literally EVERYONE know about the traffic they hit on the interstate. After quick chatting about the weather and other small talk, you try to desperately regain control of your bored party guests with some Super Bowl trivia games.
3:30 PM- Things have taken a turn for the worst. One couple has already left because “something” came up. Your two former frat brothers are no longer speaking after rehashing their beef on whether Run DMC or House of Pain had the sickest beats. The last remaining hope for your party is the game itself. Pregame has begun and it is time to buckle up.
5:30 PM- The remaining survivors of your party make it to kickoff as the Deflatriots jokes continue as they have all week. The one guy who pretends to like sports screams “FIRST DOWN” or “THAT WAS PASS INTERFERENCE” on Every. Single. Play. You notice your food supply is running low so you frantically call Papa John’s in hope of a miracle delivery.
7:00 PM- Just when things were starting to look up, Katy Perry’s halftime show hits your party like a freight train resulting in three injuries and one fatality. The gory scene has discouraged some, but you still have optimism for the second half.
11:00 PM- You wake up, not entirely sure as to how the game ended or where the rest of your guests are. Your old college roommate has fallen asleep in your bed, so he is cemented there for the night. You look up to see the Patriots have won. Devastated, you pick up what’s left of the first floor of your house and vow to never repeat the ritual again.
Happy Super Bowl Everyone!
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