Sports. Honestly. Since 2011

FISH ON SPORTS: Things I Learned While Sitting In An Uncomfortable Bed

After a couple of weeks away from the column, it’s with the deepest sincerity that I say it truly is great to be back. I’m not going to lie to you: I’ve spent the past two weeks suffering from an ailment that kept me from functioning as I normally should. It was long, arduous, painful to watch, and no one could figure out what was causing the problem. Basically, my body was behaving like a Pittsburgh Penguins playoff team.


However, this temporary setback notwithstanding, I still managed to keep tabs on what’s been going on in the world of sports over the past little while. Some stories brought a smile to my face, while others made me beg the on-duty nurse to up my dosage of painkillers. All in all, observing all of these developments in a more detached fashion was a very enlightening experience for me personally. Below are some of the things I’ve learnt over the past two weeks from the batshit-crazy world that is professional sports:


  • In his interview with CNN’s Anderson Cooper, when Donald Sterling said that “he’s never been a racist” it proves one thing: memory really does fade each day as you age.
  • The fact that Sterling said Magic Johnson was “a bad example for kids” is kind of like saying Bruce Jenner’s plastic surgeon made him look more masculine than he already was.
  • Finally, Los Angeles basketball fans that are in favor of equality can rest easy: for the first time all year, the Clippers and Lakers will be playing in the same number of playoff games.
  • Even though Mike Brown got fired for the second time as Cavaliers head coach, he’s trying to stay upbeat by following his tried-and-true Cleveland coaching policy: third time’s the charm.
  • The fact that Michael Sam jerseys are currently outselling those of first overall pick Jadeveon Clowney tell us one thing for sure: being a great player on a bad team won’t help your merchandise sales; being an okay player that ‘plays for the other team’ will.
  • Johnny Manziel was only drafted by Cleveland because they needed someone to count all the fake money they’ll be making off of ex-season ticket holders.
  • If the Lions follow through on current rumors and trade Ndamukong Suh, the city of Detroit will lose its last asset with some value on the open market.
  • The Montreal Canadiens beating the Boston Bruins at the Garden in Game 7 of their series means that Claude Julien will have to wait a whole other year before he can blame his team’s losses on bad playoff officiating again.
  • Milan Lucic is now the poster boy for whatever the opposite of a class act is.
  • In a related story, Lucic’s press release defending his postgame handshake comments makes it official: he only hires drunken frat boys to be writers for his PR team.
  • Speaking of Game 7’s, Anaheim’s opening salvo effort in their do-or-die tilt against Los Angeles had Bruce Boudreau wishing his team would at least exhibit a Washington Capitals level of non-commitment to the game plan.
  • A recent poll revealed that ESPN watchers think the NHL playoffs are more exciting than the NBA playoffs, which makes sense, since we still have another couple of weeks to wait until the start of Heat-Spurs Mark II.
  • The Chicago Cubs losing the franchise’s 10,000th game is a baseball landmark that will stand far longer than an Alex Rodriguez alibi.
  • The Miami Marlins being a ½ game out of first place even after losing their ace to season-ending surgery means that, yes; God really does like to screw with us a bit.
  • The Astros firmly holding down last place in the AL West means that, yes, God may have been portrayed as a dick in that last joke, but hey – he still provides some consistency.
  • Former major league closer Mitch Williams is now to Little League coaches what Woody Allen is to affectionate caregivers.
  • The World Cup beginning in less than a month means that soon the world will be united under a common activity: racially insensitive Internet posts.
  • The final rosters are now set for the participating nations in this year’s tournament, which means we finally know who will fail to get England out of the group stage.
  • Speaking on English football, Manchester City winning the Premiership title for the second time in three years proves that overspending on player salaries just because you can might actually yield results … your move New York Yankees.
  • And finally, this youngster at a recent Texas Rangers game proves once and for all that, no matter how old you are, some guys are just that smoother with the ladies.


For the latest sports injury news, check out our friends at Sports Injury Alert.

Thank you for reading. Please take a moment to follow me on Twitter – @afishcalledmatt. Support LWOS by following us on Twitter –@LastWordOnSport – and “liking” our Facebook page.


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