TNA Impact Review: Total Nonstop Deletion

It is finally here.  The long anticipated Total Nonstop Deletion is upon us, and it is sure to be a wild night. Rumors have been swirling for some time about what to expect tonight, but nothing has been confirmed. Let’s just get right to it and see what the “broken world” has in store for us tonight.

TNA Impact Review: Total Nonstop Deletion

The show opened with Senor Benjamin reading a disclaimer that these are professionals and not to try this at home. Reby was shown playing the piano near the lake while Broken Matt was in the dilapidated boat in the water. Brother Nero was using a weed eater to create his logo in the lawn and Senor Bejamin was shown preparing the ring and carrying fireworks. King Maxel even had a cameo where he was shown preparing for his first match.

A fake news broadcast aired that said they have registered seismic activity for the first time in the area due to the deletion tonight. They went live to the scene where a volcano was shown in the background.  Itchweeed was there and took the weedeater up the side of the volcano and back down.

Josh Mathews welcomed everyone to the “Dome of Deletion” while the Broken Hardys made their way down to the ring. Broken Matt said “welcome to the Deletion… I knew you’d come.” Matt said the state of North Carolina has shut down Cameron because of the Deletion. Senor Benjamin was wearing a Ribera Steakhouse jacket.

Rockstar Spud’s music hit and he made his way to the ring. Spud said no one was going to be deleted tonight and that he was sick of Matt, Jeff, his stupid gardener, his wife and his greenhorn kid. Spud said Maxel was taking away his TV time and that he wanted to be the one to wrestle Maxel in his first match. Matt granted Spud’s request. Spud said he will make the kid look good tonight. Broken Matt called for a licensed official and told the official it would be a no disqualification matchup. Broken Matt introduced King Maxel, who came out in a remote controlled Mercedes Benz. The bell rang, Spud was looking at Maxel when Senor Benjamin struck him with a taser from behind. Maxel pinned Spud for the victory.

A pre-taped video showed Bobby Lashley and Eddie Edwards arriving to the Hardy compound.

Rating – 3/10: Wow. If this is what we are in store for tonight, it’s going to be an extremely long night. There was absolutely nothing entertaining about this. The Itchweeed character is just stupid. I guess a positive spin is the got the King Maxel nonsense out of the way early.

The fake news broadcast was back on and said city streets were shut down and people were advised to take shelter. The broadcaster on the live report was talking when the Helms Dynasty showed up and said they were coming through.

The Rock ‘N Roll Express was shown walking up to the Hardy house earlier in the day. Matt answered and said they must be there for Total Nonstop Deletion. Ricky Morton said they were there to prove they were the best tag team ever. Hardy invited them inside. The fake news anchor said he wanted to get his bookie on the phone.

Sienna was in the ring and said she deserved to be the number one contender and challenged anyone in the world. Vanguard 1 came out to the ring. No, seriously. A drone came out to accept her challenge. The referee said a drone could not fight a woman and sent the drone to the back. Sienna said she had to be more clear and challenged any person to a fight. ODB was shown walking out of her BBQ sauce truck and made her way to the ring.

After a short back and forth, the official was accidentally knocked out. While he was down, Sienna grabbed a chair from the outside and brought it in to the ring. Sienna missed and ODB pushed the chair in to her. While ODB was covering, Vanguard 1 came down to the ring in “referee mode” and started making the count before the original referee pulled the drone out of the ring. While the ref was distracted by Vanguard 1, Sienna hit ODB with a chair, hit the Silencer and pinned her to win the match.

Somewhere else on the compound, Broken Matt confronted the Helms Dynasty. Shane Helms said they were there to put an end to this. Broken Matt had a premonition that someone would enter the lake of reincarnation in what would be the most appalling reincarnation ever seen. Shane said they would see Hardy in Apocalypto.

Itchweeed makes his debut next. Oh boy.

Rating – 3/10: This is bad. Really bad. ODB was good for some nostalgia, but the match was less than memorable. Some of this is just too over the top. I get that this may be the idea, but it’s just too much. It’s not entertaining and it is not funny.

Itchweeed made his way to the compound on a riding lawnmower. His opponent is Chet Sterling. Itchweeed put Sterling in a sleeper hold, which put Sterling to sleep. For some reason, Itchweeed also fell asleep for some reason. A few minutes later, Itchweeed pulled a table out from under the ring and laid Sterling on top of it. Itchweeed dove on top of Sterling, which sent both men crashing through the table. Itchweeed rolled Sterling back in the ring, hit the pesticide elbow, and won the match. Itchweeed took the weedeater and acted like he was putting it on Sterling (though the camera was clearly edited to not show any contact). The camera panned back and showed Sterling’s shirt was torn up.

Rating – 2/10: It just gets worse. The Lashley and Edwards match is next. Let’s hope that gives us something better than what we have seen so far.

Lashley made his entrance first followed by the TNA Champion Eddie Edwards. Lashley attacked Edwards and the referee started the match. Pretty quickly, the men fought to the outside of the ring and the show went to a commercial.

Back from commercial, there was some good back and forth action between the two. Edwards hit a very nice top rope enziguri, which sent Lashley to the outside. Edwards jumped on to Lashley, who caught him and power bombed him into a large section of the crowd. The two fought to near the stage area, next to a door. Lashley hit Edwards with a brutal spear that sent both men through the door just before the show went to commercial.

Back from commercial, the disclaimer from the beginning of the show aired again. Lashley and Edwards fought outside and in to the woods. Jeremy Borash said this match will continue, but it is now time for tag team Apocalypto. The Broken Hardys made their entrance. Matt said every tag team was invited. The first ones out were the Helms Dynasty, Andrew Everett and Trevor Lee. The Rock ‘N Roll Express made their way out next. Decay’s music hit and Abyss and Crazzy Steve made their way to the ring. Borash and Matthews said Decay had an advantage because they have been here before.

A lot of smoke filled the building and a voice said “Apocalypto has begun, the public must evacuate the property.” The fans all left, and Borash and Matthews said they had to leave.

Edwards and Lashley were shown fighting outside again briefly. The Hardy’s handed the Express some fireworks to shoot at Decay and the Helms Dynasty. Helms told Lee and Everett they were getting out of there. As they were leaving, Matt showed up in the back of the truck and fought both men. Jeff grabbed the referee and chased the truck on a dirt bike.

At the gate of the compound, a bunch of men were shown and Abyss said this would be painful.

The Bruiserweights entered Apocalypto. Abyss chokeslammed one and Crazzy Steve snapped the neck of the other one and pinned him. Rockstar Spud was outside waiting for his partner when the Bravado Brothers showed up. Spud asked who they were and they introduced themselves.

The Helms Dynasty was shown destroying the Hardys outside of some store. The Ugly Ducklings entered the match, and Decay disposed of them very quickly. The Hardy Brothers and Helm Dynasty fought near some train tracks. While Decay destroyed a couple of teams, the Bravado Brothers walked past everyone and on to the compound. Decay eliminated a couple of teams and then confronted Rockstar Spud outside of the gate. Spud said his partner would be there shortly. Some lights shined on the gate and he said he was there. Abyss showed a worried face as they went to commercial.

The gate opened and the artist formerly known as Hornswoggle. Swoggle and Abyss went face to face, then Swoggle walked off. Trevor Lee had Matt pinned when Skarsgard broke up the pin. Yes. A boat broke up the pinfall attempt. The Helm Dynasty started beating on the boat. Matt pushed Shane into the lake of reincarnation when Sugar Shane Helms showed up and did the old 3 Count dance with Trevor Lee and Andrew Everett. Shane said that his old partners were better and received a double dropkick back in to the water. The Bravado brothers tried to roll up Everett and Lee, but they kicked out.

The Rock ‘N Roll Express was in a ring outside and called for the Hardy Boys, who got into the ring and started to fight the Express. A brief shot of Lashley and Eddie Edwards was shown. Back outside, the Bravado’s and the Dynasty continued to fight and made their way back inside the Dome of Deletion. Back to the Hardy and Express fight outside. Both Morton and Jeff were shown in cherry pickers above the ring before going to commercial.

Back from the break, Morton and Jeff fought in the cherry pickers above the ring while Gibson and Matt fought in the ring below. Morton and Gibson got the better of the Hardy brothers momentarily. Matt was able to kick Gibson out of the ring, then went over and raised Morton’s cherry picker even higher up. Jeff went for a swanton off of the cherry picker on to Gibson, but Gibson moved. Matt picked up Gibson and hit the Twist of Fate to pin and eliminate the Rock ‘N Roll Express.

Back inside the Dome of Deletion, the Bravado Brothers and the Helms Dynasty were laid out. Rockstar Spud and Swoggle made their way in to the ring where Swoggle hit the Bravado Brothers with a chair. Spud pinned one of them to eliminate the team. While Spud was celebrating, Swoggle put Spud down with a power bomb and then a tadpole splash. Andrew Everett covered Spud to eliminate the team of Spud and Swoggle from the match.

Lashley and Edwards were briefly shown again fighting outside. Ricky Morton was still up in the cherry picker when Animal from the Road Warriors asked what Hardy had gotten him in to. Back at the gate, Decay was walking away when James Storm showed up wearing a DCC mask. About eight other masked men entered. Abyss knocked them all away. Another random guy showed up and said he was a member of DCC. James Storm asked who he was before Crazzy Steve knocked out the random guy. Abyss pinned the guy and eliminated the DCC. Storm was not happy and gave the guy a super kick before leaving. Decay said they were going to find more bones to crush as the show took another commercial.

Back from the break, Decay, the Hardys, Lashley and Edwards were all fighting near the volcano when it erupted and sent all of the men flying down the side. Out of nowhere, Hurricane Helms emerged from the lake of reincarnation and said that there would be a reckoning for a betrayal.

The news anchor was shown again and said this might be his last broadcast because Cameron might be no more after tonight.

Back at the compound, Abyss told Lee and Everett to take Matt and Decay would work on Jeff. Lee and Everett roughed up Matt near the large signs of their logos. Back in the ring, Decay got the better of Jeff. Abyss pulled out the two by four with nails in it. As he was setting up to hit Jeff, Vanguard 1 showed up and shot fireworks at Abyss in the ring. Abyss looked like he legit got hit in the eye.

Everett and Lee were about to hit Matt with shovels when Hurricane Helms showed up and stopped them. Matt and Helms hit Lee and Everett with the shovels and covered, eliminating the team of Everett and Lee. They then took the time to bury the duo instead of going to help Jeff. Matt said “even the man with three H’s would be proud of the way we buried this young, promising talent” and flashed a cheesy smile and thumbs up for the camera.

Lashley and Edwards were shown fighting near the front of the Hardy house. Lashley speared a couple of the tag team wrestlers who were defeated quickly earlier. Edwards jumped off of a balcony on to Lashley.

Vanguard 1 shot fireworks at the logo that Jeff worked on earlier and it all lit on fire. In the middle, Jeff fought Abyss and Crazzy Steve. Matt showed up and helped his brother. They all fought their way out of the fire and back to the ring that was outside. Jeff and Steve fought near the volcano. Matt was able to get his hands on the two by four with nails and hit Abyss with it in the stomach. At the top of the volcano, Jeff hit a Twist of Fate that caused Steve to fall in to the volcano, which erupted, and sent Steve in to the ring. Matt pinned Crazzy Steve to win the Apocalypto match. As they were celebrating in front of the volcano, Reby told Matt she was pregnant. The camera panned away as fireworks shot out of the volcano to end the show.

Rating – 7/10: First off, I want to apologize if that came across as hard to follow. There was so much stuff going on in that 45 minutes that it was hard to get everything covered. I absolutely appreciate the effort that went in to this, but overall, the show was a let down. The first hour and 15 minutes was completely pointless. The Apocalypto was entertaining in some aspects with some memorable moments, particularly the jab at HHH. In the end, Decay may have been the overall highlight with their work at the gate and the different teams that they eliminated. Seeing Hurricane Helms and Hornswoggle were noteworthy surprises. It will be interesting to see if these were one offs or not. Some people will be disappointed that some of the rumors heading in to tonight did not come through. Also, we did not get a finish to the Edwards and Lashley match. I’m sure they’ll pick up next week with their feud. Overall, the show would get a five out of 10 from me.

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