NFL Weekend Update Week 7: Anthony Firkser? I Hardly Know Her

NFL Weekend Update Week 7
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Who knew it would only take two months into the 2021 NFL regular season to change the outlook for numerous NFL teams. As Week 7 of the NFL continues this Sunday, here the weekend update for each team prior to their matchups…

NFL Weekend Update Week 7: Anthony Firkser? I Hardly Know Her

Kansas City Chiefs v Tennessee Titans

Tyreek and the Kansas City Chiefs are showing no signs of being over the Hill. He and Patrick or Treat Mahomes will try to put the Tennessee Titans on Girls Gone Wild. They have plenty of film this season of them taking the tops off of opposing defenses. On the other side of the ball, Derrick Astley Henry is never gonna give up the football. AJ should hopefully be done Browning his pants. The Titans will have to show some Randy Bullocks if they want to win this game. Anthony Firkser? I hardly know her.

Washington Football Team v Green Bay Packers

The Green Bay Packers have been Marquez Valdez-Scalding hot in the air and on the ground. Davante Adams Apple has been playing like a man and the Football Team’s defense best be weary, or they may find themselves in the depths of Aaron Jones’ Locker. The Cheeseheads may be there for Green Bay, but the Cheeseman plays for the Washington Football Team. DC will hope that their Ricky Seal(s)-Jones rose is in bloom, a light hits the gloom on Green Bay.

Cincinnati Bengals v Baltimore Ravens

The Baltimore Ravens are on a five-game win streak that stretches back to mid-September. They’ve been playing like they have Earth, Wind, and Fire on their side. Marqueasy Lover. He’ll get a hold called on the twenty. He’s like no other. Before you know it they’ll be taking a knee. Jessie Norman Bates and the Cincinnati Bengals will have to play like Psychos if they want to stop them. Chidoobie Awuzie and the rest of Cincinnati have been wondering, “Is this love that I’m feeling?” Because Jah’Marr has been providing the bread.

Carolina Panthers v New York Giants

The Carolina Panthers will have to watch their Toney if they want a fair Rhuling when they travel to the courtroom of Judge, Joe. James Wild Thornbradberry and the New York Giants defense must play smashingly and hope that Sam Darnold Palmer plays by golf rules if they want to win. Devontae Booker? I hardly know her.

Atlanta Falcons v Miami Dolphins

Down in Miami, Tua Tagovailoa isn’t laughing at the Deshaun Watson rumors. Matt Ryan won’t be shyin’ away from of his favorite targets this week. The forecast is predicting plenty of Cordarrelle Pattersunshine. Professor Xavien will have to be reading minds if he wants to stop Calvin Riddler. The Tuacide Squad will have to lay it all on the line if they want to Jaylen Waddle their way to a win… and save the world.

New York Jets v New England Patriots

When the New England Patriots came to New York in week 2 they really crapped in New York’s Braxton Berri-Os. Dont’a Man in the Hightower and the Patriots defense dictated the game last time. Kyle Van Meh Hoy Meh Noy and Matt Judoodle Bob will try to erase them from the stat sheet again. This game should be wrapped up quicker than it takes to heat up an easy Mac Jones, but the New York Jets Jamien Sherwood would like to get a win this time. Jamison Crowder? I hardly know her.

Philadelphia Eagles v Las Vegas Raiders

The Philadelphia Eagles have walked five hundred Miles Sanders to bring some brotherly love to sin city. Derek baby you can Drive My Carr has been playing like he’s Day Tripping; he’s having too much fun playing with Ruggs. Maxx Crosby’s silver hammer will try to make sure that the Eagles are dead. Both teams have been working Eight Days a Week, so this game could come down to the kickers. Jake Elliot Rigby knows that kicking can be a lonely job sometimes. Daniel Here Comes the Carlson will be doing what he can on the other end to help his team Beatle the Eagles.

Detroit Lions v Los Angeles Rams

Jared Goff and the Detroit Lions are in the Los Angeles Rams neck of the Robert Woods this week. It can always be a little awkward when exes come to town. The Lions are fully aware of how big Matthew’s Stafford is and Jared isn’t pleasing them the same way. The Lions knew D’Andre Taylor Swift was trouble when he walked in. His song is the slamming footballs. Sneakin’ out the backfield, tapping on the endzone. When he’s on the ground and gets up real slow. Cause it’s late and your momma don’t know.

Chicago Bears v Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Lynyrd Skynyrd Fournette has been playing like a Free Bird with Ronald Jones taking a back seat this season. It helps that the offensive line has been giving three steps on every play. Damien Marley Williams and the Chicago Bears shouldn’t let their expectations get too high this week because Tom Brady will be putting them to bed without a reading of Goodnight Mooney.

Houston Texans v Arizona Cardinals

Finally, Houston Texans rookie receiver Nico Collins will be back from his shoulder injury. That is where the excitement for the Texans ends, as they match up against an undefeated Arizona Cardinals team.  It’s not gonna be a pretty one… for Houston at least.

San Francisco 49ers v Indianapolis Colts

This will be a competitive game on all sides of the ball. As Jar Jar Binks would say, Bosa these defenses know how to get to the quarterback. Jimmy Garapolio is out of the iron lung and back in the gridiron this week. Darius Rucker Leonard will try to stop put a stop to him and Kyle I Only Wanna be with Juszcyk. Let’s hope the Colts coaching staff has the team Eberflossing because they don’t want to fall victim to tooth Deecaybo Samuel. DeForest Buckner? I hardly know her.

 

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