Another week, another successful avoidance of making Tim Tebow jokes. Here’s what everyone’s talking about from the past week in the world of sports:
WEEK 2: MAKING US WAIT UNTIL THE VERY END.
Lots of last-second victories in Week 2 of the NFL. Chicago scored a TD with ten seconds left, Buffalo beat Carolina with two seconds left, and Gus Bradley was just granted an impromptu 15-week sabbatical.
Yes, everyone’s trying to forget the horror that was last week’s Raiders-Jaguars tilt. It got so bad that a CBS affiliate in Orlando had to publically apologize to viewers for televising the game. I mean, the only way you’d anger more TV watchers at once is if Paula Deen started hosting a show on BET.
To make matters worse for Jacksonville fans, the Seahawks are 19.5-point favorites versus the Jaguars this coming weekend. Even Tampa Bay Buccaneers fans are like, “Even OUR team couldn’t possibly lose that one!”
Speaking of last-second losses, Eagles fans are angry with Chip Kelly for his mismanagement of timeouts down the stretch. They should tell him to stop hanging out with Chris Webber so much.
In more uplifting NFL news, after the Broncos big win in East Rutherford, Peyton Manning was nominated for an Emmy for Best Performance in a Daytime Family Drama.
At least we know what Peyton and Eli have in common: they’re both great as passing to Bronco’s receivers.
In a shocking move, the Browns traded former No. 3 overall pick Trent Richardson to the Colts Wednesday. In exchange, the Browns get a 1st round pick and enough money to pay for therapy for all their fans.
Jim Irsay has already released a statement saying that, if the Colts make the playoffs, he’ll change the team’s slogan to “What the Browns Can Do For You”.
NCAA COACHES GONE WILD!
Nebraska coach Bo Pelini is hoping for forgiveness after a profanity-laced audio tirade against Cornhuskers fans surfaced on the Internet. If he can continue to alienate large portions of the American public with his sound bites, he’ll be the frontrunner for the Republicans in 2016.
In other college football news, Pac-12 commissioner Larry Scott admitted referees from the Wisconsin-Arizona St. game fell short of the “conference’s high standard” of officiating. This is an NCAA first folks: the words “high standard” and “officiating” were used in the same sentence.
MAYWEATHER DOMINATES ALVAREZ
After the bout ended, Oscar De La Hoya’s rehab supervisor recommended that he start drinking again.
Justin Bieber helped walk Mayweather up to the ring before the fight. I don’t get why everyone’s so shocked – isn’t Mayweather famous for hanging out with female celebrities?
IF NHL HOCKEY STARTS AND NO ONE’S THERE TO WATCH IT, DOES IT STILL COUNT?
A picture from Florida’s nearly-fanless preseason opener against Nashville went viral this week. In fact, attendance is so bad that Panthers ownership plans on relocating the team to Phoenix.
The good news for the Panthers is that Tim Thomas has joined their training camp roster. You can tell Dale Tallon is trying to be super accommodating – he just liked a bunch of posts on Thomas’ Facebook page.
SO CLOSE AND YET SO FAR…
The New York Yankees are trying to make the playoffs in spite of a record number of injuries. Seriously, you know it’s bad when you’re forced to use CC Sabathia as a pinch runner.
It’s not all bad news for the Bronx Bombers though. Mariano Rivera was honored at his last appearance at Fenway Park by having the No. 42 from the manual scorecard affixed to the back of his wheelchair.
In other New York baseball news, Jerry Seinfeld joined the Mets broadcast team in the booth for Tuesday’s game against the Giants. The highlight was probably when he called Lucas Duda’s cleanup effort sponge worthy.
NBA NUPTUAL HIGHS AND LOWS
LeBron James married his longtime girlfriend Savannah Brinson this past week. Things got awkward when Eric Spoelstra forced Chris Bosh to catch the garter in the post instead of on the perimeter.
On a sadder note, reports out of LA indicate that Khloe Kardashian’s marriage to Lamar Odom is on the rocks. On the bright side, Odom is now the frontrunner for Sixth Man to Divorce a Kardashian of the Year Award.
AND FINALLY …
Keyshawn Johnson is reportedly unhappy with his role on the new season of “Dancing with the Stars”. Turns out Bill Nye is getting more touches during practice.
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