The Seven Signs of the Apocalypse are clear: We will be struck by deadly plagues, famines and earthquakes; The sky will turn dark and oceans will turn to blood; Finally, amidst a cacophony of horrific screams, a Great Dane and an American goliath will emerge to shine on the international stage.
Experts decoding this powerful prophecy have come to one startling conclusion: there is now substantial evidence that many of these catastrophes could, in fact, be occurring. After all, didn’t the recent friendly between Denmark and the USA see Jozy Altidore shine and Nicklas Bendtner score a hat-trick?
Jozy Altidore, the ‘prolific’ striker who scored a mighty two goals in 72 appearances for Hull City and Sunderland, put the USA ahead after 19 minutes in Aarhus, but the Danes quickly equalized through Bendtner. As Morten Olsen’s side looked to be running out of ideas, the 27 year old popped up again to grab his second and, deep into injury time, the Arsenal reject grabbed his third. After the talismanic Eriksen playing a deft, diagonal pass, Bendtner brought the ball under control with one touch, before hammering home with an emphatic finish.
The US players, like most people in the stadium, looked around, desperately seeking an answer to just one question: What the hell what just happened?
Before attempting to solve a Bendtner infused equation, let’s briefly look at Altidore.
Joining Toronto in January, the big man was a Premier League flop, but across the Atlantic, he seems to have rediscovered some form. On his debut on the opening day of the MLS season, Altidore scored twice to guide his new club to a 3-1 victory. Moving to Canada as part of a swap deal with Jermain Defoe, Altidore actually produced a Panenka penalty kick in this very game, so perhaps it’s for the best if he continues plying his trade in the MLS.
Although his three seasons in English football were about as productive as a ‘workplace etiquette’ lesson from Jeremy Clarkson. Altidore will look to rebuild a career that once looked so promising.
Enough about Jozy, it’s time to continue talking about the man with magnificent hair and a monumental ego.
“Within the next five years I want to be the top goalscorer in the Premier League and be known as a world-class striker,” the famous words of Nicklas Bendtner back in 2009.
Goals and general consistency are lacking from his game, but, if the above statement is anything to go by, confidence certainly isn’t.
Still only 27 years of age, the former Arsenal man has been involved in some rather amusing incidents, including – A famous bust-up with strike partner Emmanuel Adebayor, stumbling out of a London nightclub, trousers down around his ankles, writing off his Aston Martin, a 2012 conviction for drink driving, and the list goes on.
Just like his trousers after staggering out of the nightclub, Bendtner has seen lofty aspirations fall to the floor. Arriving in London at the tender age of 16, Bendtner went on to leave behind a ten year legacy full of numerous talking points, however, his goalscoring exploits left a lot to be desired (47 goals in 171 games).
What happened to a player who, in his own words, was destined for greatness?
The 2006-2007 season saw the Dane head to Birmingham City on loan. Scoring 11 times in 42 games for the Championship team, Bendtner spectacularly failed to build on this experience when he arrived back at his parent club.
Ironically, One of the player’s highest and lowest points arrived when he spent the 2012-13 season on loan at Juventus. Initially, this was seen as a dream move, a significant step in the right direction. However, the Danish did everything but delight, failing to score once for the Serie A champions. Ridiculed mercilessly in Italy, little changed when he returned to the Emirates. A pantomime villain, the 6ft 3in striker has been the architect of his own demise.
The Seven Signs of the Apocalypse ends with Rebirth, and Bendtner certainly needs to resurrect a career blighted by controversy and unintentional comedy.
