The art of sledging in cricket has often been maligned, but a well-placed humorous comment is probably one of the best ways to break a batsman’s concentration.
The crude, offensive chirp that could lead to a boiling over of emotions is less desirable. One such example was the incident that happened between Australian fast bowler Glenn McGrath and West Indian batsman, Ramnaresh Sarwan. McGrath made an offensive, sexually orientated comment to Sarwan, which Sarwan responded to with a repost that referred to McGrath’s wife. Sarwan had no idea that McGrath’s wife had been diagnosed with cancer and the altercation became an ugly on-field incident, with both players receiving hefty fines.
The best chirps or sledges are those that require a little thought or to which there is no comeback. One of my personal favourites was by Kumar Sangakarra, during the famous 2003 Cricket World Cup game between South Africa and Sri Lanka, where the South Africans forgot about the “plus one” part of the Duckworth Lewis system. When Shaun Pollock came into bat, Sangakarra made comments regarding “the weight of expectations of 42 million South African supporters depending on Shaun Pollock and that he wouldn’t want to let them down”. I am sure Pollock thanked Sangakarra afterwards for pointing out the enormity of the situation.
Another favourite was the altercation between Pakistan’s Javed Miandad and Australia’s Merv Hughes (who seems to feature a lot in lists of sledges). Miandad was batting at the time and told Hughes that he was “a fat bus conductor”. He was unfortunate enough to be dismissed by Hughes a few balls later, who had the last laugh when he ran past Miandad shouting “Tickets please!”.
South African batsman Daryll Cullinan became Shane Warne’s “bunny” in Test cricket. Cullinan was a classy right hand bat with a known ability to play spin bowling, but he could not handle Warne. When he came in to bat, Warne shouted at him “I’ve been waiting two years for another chance to humiliate you”. To his credit, Cullinan won this altercation by shouting back: “Looks like you spent it eating.” Warne dismissed him a few balls later.
Glamorgan bowler Greg Thomas was bowling to West Indian legend Viv Richards and had him playing and missing. Thomas said: “”It’s red, round and weighs about five ounces, in case you were wondering.”. Richards then hit the next ball out of the ground and told him: “You know what it looks like, now and find it.”
A well-known sledge was between Rodney Marsh and Sir Ian Botham. Marsh enquired of Botham: “How is your wife and my kids?” Not to be outdone, Botham responded with: “The wife is fine, but the kids are retarded.”
Australian fast bowling legend Dennis Lillee had a sledge that he used on numerous batsmen. He would start off with “I can see why you are batting so badly, you have a piece of crap at the end of your bat.” If a gullible batsman looked at the bottom of his bat searching for the offending piece of dirt, Lillee would end with: “Nah, wrong end mate!”
On one occasion, Merv Hughes was bowling to Graham Gooch, who had played and missed at a number of deliveries, which prompted Hughes to shout out: “I’ll get you a piano instead to see if you can play that.”
Steve Waugh was playing in a Sheffield Shield match and frustrated Jamie Siddons with how long he took to take guard, who said: “Mate, it’s not a Test match!” Waugh then replied, “Of course it’s not, you’re here.”
Steve Waugh’s brother, Mark, came second when he decided to have a go at England’s James Ormond. Waugh said: “What are you doing out here? You are clearly not good enough to play for England.” Ormond replied, “Maybe so, but at least I’m the best player in my family.”
South African wicket keeper Mark Boucher was never short of a word, but his consistent bullying of Zimbabwe’s Tatenda Taibu when the Proteas were down to one fit seamer in their Test at Supersport Centurion Park and Taibu was still struggling to score is a memorable one. You can hear the entire monologue here.
On a personal note, I was filling in for my club as a wicket keeper. Our first slip turned to second slip and asked him: “Robbie, aside from yourself… who is the biggest tosser in this team?” The umpires were most displeased with how long it took to bowl the next ball……
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