Big Sam for Carlo: An unlikely replacement (Parody)

Carlo Ancelotti has been sacked as manager of Real Madrid after two seasons in charge of the Spanish club.

The Italian, 55, successfully led Los Blancos  to victory in the Spanish Cup before claiming the club’s 10th European Cup last season. However, with Barca winning La Liga and Juventus knocking the Real out of Europe, Ancelotti and his eyebrows received a red card.

Commenting on the situation, Real Madrid Club president Florentino Perez said: “no comment.” After much persuasion, he added: “What did Ancelotti do wrong? The demands here at Real Madrid are very high. We expect at least 6 trophies a season, even if we are only involved in four or five competitions. Anyway, I can honestly say this, we have found the perfect replacement for Carlo”

Napoli boss Rafael Benitez, the man with about as much charisma as a potato, was the favourite to take over, however, Sam Allardyce has been confirmed as the club’s new manager.

The former Blackburn Rovers, Bolton Wanderers, Newcastle United and West Ham United manager will earn an annual salary of around $17.25m, plus a $1m bonus if he can lead the club to an undefeated run of 800 games.

Big Sam said: “It is an honour to be the new manager of Real Madrid. It is a fantastic club with a great tradition and loyal supporters who deserve to be winning trophies. I hope the fans like the long ball game.”

When asked about potential signings, Allardyce responded: “Gareth Bale leaving, it’s a possibility, I would like to bring in Kevin Nolan and Stewart Downing, I think they would compliment Modric and Ronaldo nicely. Rickie Lambert has had a tough season at Liverpool, he needs games, and Madrid are crying out for a quality frontman.  I wouldn’t have taken this job if I didn’t think we could bounce straight back. More than that, the money is ridiculous. I just bought a yacht.”

While Allardyce claimed there was no other managerial post “like this chestnut,” Ancelotti, on the other hand, is hotly tipped to take over at Derby County.

Commenting on the vacant post, Ancelotti said: “Real and Derby, many similarities exist. They both wear white kits… and, well, that’s about it. Who am I kidding? Is Brendan Rodgers leaving, anybody know? If so, Liverpool wouldn’t be so bad.”