I’ve been off for a couple of weeks, but I can say without reservation that it’s great to be back again this week. In case you missed them, here are the stories that have been making headlines during the past seven days in the world of professional sports:
NHL
The Stanley Cup playoffs are in full swing and, for hockey fans, there’s absolutely nothing like it. The hits are harder, the margin for error much smaller, and the fans are nearly louder than Don Cherry’s suits.
Tampa Bay Lightning coach Jon Cooper has accused the Detroit Red Wings of cheating. In response, the NHL disciplinary committee has accused Cooper of being that girl who was a poor loser during your elementary school’s intramural badminton tournament.
Elsewhere, the New York Islanders played their last-home game on Long Island. Teary-eyed fans stood and gave a rousing ovation to celebrate the legacy of a franchise who gave fans something to cheer about thirty-odd years ago.
Listen, I know everyone’s being super nostalgic about the glory days of the Islanders, but let’s be honest: the last time there was a championship-level team on Long Island, David Hasselhoff had a high-profile career in a country other than Germany.
MLB Trades
A game between the Orioles and White Sox was played in an empty Camden Yards on Wednesday due to civil unrest in the stadium in Baltimore. When asked how they prepared for this extraordinary situation, White Sox players were like, “Well, we played to the same type of crowd at our last home game, so…”
A fan at Wrigley Field was hospitalized Monday night after being struck by a bat that flew out of the hands of the Cubs’ Addison Russell. After the game, Joe Maddon told reporters that, “when I told the guys to make we hit something in front of our hook me crowd tonight, that’s not at all what I meant”.
Josh Hamilton has ended his saga in California and is once again a member of the Texas Rangers. You can tell he’s already begun practicing at the Ballpark in Arlington because there are now signs next to the third base line saying “Do Not Snort!”
The Angels are still obliged to pay Hamilton at least $68 million of what remains on his five-year, $125 million contract. Just to give you an idea of how much that is, take the number of people who think Donald Trump would make a good president and add 68 million.
Nationals’ pitcher Max Scherzer thinks that the National League should also adopt the DH. It’s nice to finally see someone in Washington trying to put average, unemployed millionaires back to work.
NBA Offspring
Sierra Pippen, daughter of former Chicago Bulls forward Scottie Pippen, was arrested for urinating in an Iowa City hotel lobby over the weekend. Luckily, she managed to avoid peeing on anyone else – otherwise, people might have mistaken her for R. Kelly.
NFL Politics
According to CBS Sports, Tom Brady may have declined an April 23rd visit to the White House because he’s upset with the Obama administration. I’m surprised – usually, if a US citizen has a deep-rooted hatred for a black man, he becomes a police officer instead of a football player.
Speaking of the Patriots, Bill Belichick was photographed staring at Chrissy Teigen’s derriere at the White House Correspondent’s Dinner. It’s the first time in his career that he’s actually been interested in making sure that a roundish object was properly inflated.
BOXING Rebirth
In a recent op-ed piece, Evander Holyfield said that the upcoming Mayweather-Pacquiao bout could lead to a boxing renaissance. Mike Tyson wanted to echo those sentiments, but he had trouble spelling ‘renaissance’.
AND FINALLY…
A Virginia Beach man was arrested after attempting to ride his bike onto the Richmond International Raceway track. It’s a good thing law enforcement are keeping him away from the premises – otherwise, he would’ve finished higher than Danica.
