Just like a sugar and rose addict on Valentine’s Day, it’s great to be here! In case you missed them, here are the stories that have been making headlines during the past seven days in the world of the professional sports:
NBA Emails
Knicks owner James Dolan will not face discipline from the league after he suggested a disgruntled fan was an alcoholic. When reached for comment, the fan said, “What else do you expect to happen to people who continue to watch this team play every week?”
In response to the recent criticism, many supportive comments about Dolan have also surfaced online. No one believes them though, since all of those comments originated from the Twitter account of Brian Williams.
According to a new report out Monday, Michael Jordan apparently misspelled the President Obama’s name on an autographed 50th birthday present. Well, I guess that answers the question “Which celebrity got their name added to the domestic dronestrike list?”
Clippers forward Blake Griffin has been sidelined indefinitely after needing to undergo surgery. The last time the city of LA voiced this much concern about someone going under the knife, Bruce Jenner was still a man.
In order to try and better communicate to some of his players, Nuggets coach Brian Shaw says he’s resorted to reading books on how to deal with millennials. Now, I think all millennials deserve an explanation, so here it is: books are what people used to read before the Internet was invented.
CYCLING Crashes
Lance Armstrong is back in the news after he crashed his SUV into two parked cars after a night of partying. Police took the proper measures and immediately charged him with publicly impersonating Lindsay Lohan.
NFL Passing
Seahawks cornerback Richard Sherman has decided not to have surgery on his injured elbow. When he told doctors that he’d rather pass and hope for the best, they said, “How can you still think that’s a good strategy?”
A report out of Denver says the Broncos are “unsure” if they want Peyton Manning back next year. It’s a sure sign that they’ve finally grown tired of that burdensome pattern of winning over the past few years.
Ravens great Ray Lewis has a new TV show where he tries to tame overly aggressive coaches. I think this is a great idea – I mean, who better to give out anger management tips than a guy who’s previously been brought up on murder charges?
NHL Spelling Bees
An ABC affiliate in Los Angeles managed to misspell Columbus not once, but twice, on the same in-game graphic during a Kings-Blue Jackets game. In light of this incident, there should be a new rule for all stations that broadcast live sports events: keep John Travolta away from the keyboard.
BOXING Social Media
Floyd Mayweather posted a video on Instagram over the weekend where he tried to convince Manny Pacquiao to make their much-anticipated bout happen. The last time this many people were looking forward to watching a black man try to beat up a short Filipino guy, I was in the audience at a taping of the Jerry Springer Show.
Speaking of Mayweather, he recently bought Phoenix Suns guard Isaiah Thomas a Bentley for this birthday. I heard that 50 Cent bought Mayweather the same car last year – he just made sure that the brake lines were cut before the car was delivered.
NCAA Football Commitments
BYU’s newest commit Montekiai Langi is a lineman who is listed at 6’7” and 410 pounds. I don’t want to say the man is overly large, but let’s be honest: if he was any heavier, TLC would’ve probably offered him his own reality show by now.
MLB All-Stars
New MLB commissioner Rob Manfred wants cities interested in hosting future All-Star games to prepare “Super Bowl”-type bids for it. General managers are reportedly on board with the idea, but only if they get a halftime show complete with dancers in blue shark costumes.
Alex Rodriguez and his girlfriend of three years have reportedly split up. Apparently she thought he was getting too big a head, to which A-Rod replied, “I’m telling you, that’s the steroids, not my ego!”
SPORTS MEDIA
The 2015 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue hit newsstands this week. It’s perfect for men who like to look at pictures of half-naked women, but who don’t know you can get that sort of thing for free online.
This year’s issue is the first ever to include a “plus-sized” model. Apparently, she did something that none of the other models would do while at the photo shoot: eat.
The magazine features possibly its raciest cover to date (potentially NSFW picture here). Over 65% of US Weekly readers saying the image is “too pornographic”, and I certainly tried to do my part to protect young, impressionable children from seeing such filth – or, at least that’s what I told the cashier when she asked me why I was buying all the copies they had at the grocery store.
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