This week, I’m going to try and do something I’ve not yet done since the inception of this blog: write an actual joke. With that in mind, in case you missed them, here are the stories that have been making headlines during the past week in the world of pro sports:
NCAAB
It’s every casual sports fan’s favorite time of the year – where someone who hasn’t watched a single game of college hoops all year can fill out a piece of paper blindfolded and potentially get Warrn Buffett to write them a check for $1 billion.
Honestly, my excitement for this year’s tournament was short-lived. I found out the guy can’t come by to install my March Madness brackets until early next week.
A lot of pundits are picking Michigan State to be the winners of the National Championship this year. Some reports even say that the team will do what no other NCAA men’s basketball team has ever been able to do: find the location of Flight 370.
NBA
In other basketball news, Phil Jackson received a standing ovation from the Knicks faithful when he was introduced at Madison Square Garden Wednesday. It proves one thing: New Yorkers will clap for something other than a James Dolan resignation letter.
Speaking of James Dolan, rumor has it that he passes out copies of his band’s CD to prospective free agents. Not only that, apparently the first song is a cover of “Bad Reputation”.
Reports out of NYC are saying that Carmelo Anthony and Jackson are “on the same page”. Unfortunately, that page is the list of teams Carmelo wants to be traded to on Draft Day.
NFL
Jim Irsay was arrested last weekend for driving intoxicated and having drugs in his possession. When asked for his alibi, Irsay said, “Hey, I’m just trying to fit in with the NFL lifestyle”.
Supposedly, Colts ownership knew Irsay had abused controlled substances for years, but weren’t able to get him into rehab. Wait – failing to fix something that’s been headed south for a long time … sounds like we’re talking about the Cleveland Browns ownership.
The good news is that Irsay is now on track to get his life back together. He’s recovering in a place where absolutely no one will bother him –James Dolan’s New York fan club.
NHL
How about the goaltending performances this week? Roberto Luongo makes 28 of his 52 saves in the third period to beat the Sharks, Anton Khudobin made 46 saves in a win over Columbus, and James Reimer played “just okay” in Randy Carlisle’s mind.
Yep, it was a pretty bad road trip for the Maple Leafs. I mean, the last time I saw a Torontonian train wreck of that magnitude, I was watching YouTube videos of Rob Ford.
Here’s a bit of nostalgia for hockey fans: Sean Avery made his debut on “Dancing with the Stars” Monday night. Things got out of hand when he started standing in front of the other couples and waving his stick in their faces.
MLB
The Major League season is almost upon us, and I have a lot of questions. Like, can the Angels get their money back for Albert Pujols if he’s still under warranty?
As much as I don’t like them, I don’t see anyone beating the Boston Red Sox this year. Not in a baseball game though – in a beard-growing competition.
As a Yankees fan, it’s going to be bittersweet watching Derek Jeter’s final season – bitter because they won’t win a game with him at shortstop; sweet because they’ll gain some cap room when he finally retires.
AND FINALLY …
One of my sports heroes, Barcelona superstar Lionel Messi, broke the club’s all-time scoring record this week. It’s proof still that guys who are shorter than six foot can still succeed in this world – you just have to have once-in-a-generation soccer skills.
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