It’s great to back again this week, on Valentine’s Day no less. So, to the straight men out there, I say: enjoy this last little bit of freedom before your night is consumed by a romantic evening either with your significant other or with your preferred hand. That being said, in case you missed them, here’s what’s been making headlines this week in the world of pro sports:
FISH ON SPORTS: Olympic Fever, NBA Rock Stars, and More Cowbell!
SOCHI WINTER OLYMPICS
It hasn’t been the greatest start to the Olympics for NBC, with ratings from the 2010 Vancouver Games coverage still significantly higher than this year’s telecast from Sochi. Although, to be fair, are we really all that surprised that something from Vancouver is “significantly higher” than the rest of the world?
US figure skater Ashley Wagner’s reaction to her short program score went viral over the weekend. Let this be a lesson to all the aspiring athletes out there: even if you work at something for four years and come up short, you can still have an Internet meme more popular than McKayla Maroney.
Speaking of on-ice action, fifteen-year-old phenom Julia Lipnitskaia helped Russia capture the first-ever gold in the new team figure skating event. I don’t think I’ve seen the media fawn this much over a teenage girl since Justin Bieber came out with his first album.
Here’s a funny moment from the past week’s Olympic action: US bobsledder Johnny Quinn had to physically break through his hotel bathroom door after accidentally locking himself in there. It’s so nice to finally see an Olympic athlete breaking barriers with their God-given talents.
Strangely enough, shortly thereafter, Quinn got trapped in an elevator with members of his bobsled team. I know their competition doesn’t start for another twelve days, but isn’t that a pretty drastic example of “team bonding”?
And now a heartwarming Olympic moment: Canada’s cross-country head coach Jason Wadsworth lent a Russian competitor a spare ski so that he could finish the race. Sochi officials disapproved of the gesture – not because of its kindness, but because it involved one man touching another man’s body below the waist.
NBA
Much-maligned first overall pick Anthony Bennett had his first career double-double this week. Unfortunately, it was just at the local coffee shop before the game.
LeBron James said that, if he ever chose to participate in the dunk contest, he’d win it hands down. But, by not participating, it proves that he is missing the key ingredient that makes the contestants so watchable: a pair of testicles.
Speaking of the dunk contest, they’ve made the format more difficult this year. The winning contestant must successfully dunk a ball by jumping over Kanye West’s ego.
NBA commissioner Adam Silver says that there is “no expansion on the horizon for the league”. In fact, he said the only thing he’d like to see grow in numbers is the Knicks’ secondary scoring.
MLB
Yankee legend Derek Jeter says that he will retire after the 2014 season. This is such a classy move – he’s leaving only three years after his legs retired.
Bronson Arroyo reportedly turned down a contract with Baltimore because several of their players failed routine physicals. Orioles’ team officials are blaming this on a bad offseason move – hiring Guy Fieri as their new nutrition consultant.
NFL
Detroit Lions star Ndamukong Suh has reached an agreement with Jay-Z and Roc Nation Sports for representation, marketing and advising. They made a viral video to accompany the announcement: it’s called “I Got 99 Problems and the Commish is One!”
AND FINALLY …
Here’s a funny video to start off your weekend: figure skating enhanced but the sweet, sweet sound of flatulence. Enjoy!
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