Great to be back again this week. I almost didn’t get to do a column this week – I had to re-do my circumcision and it took longer than expected. But, now that I’m here, let’s run through the headlines and see what’s been making news in the world of pro sports this week:
NFL – BEST LEGS AROUND
Broncos’ kicker Matt Pratter set a record by making a 64-yard field goal in Denver’s win over Tennessee. Just to give you an idea of how long that is, take the distance that Rob Ford can successfully run without collapsing and add 64 yards.
I know he set the record and everything, but I think it’s completely false to say that Pratter has “the best legs” in the game. That honor goes to Bob Costas.
Robert Griffin III will be inactive for the Redskins this coming Saturday. Sources are saying Griffin is struggling with the toughest setback of his career – Mike Shanahan keeping his job as head coach.
As impossible as it may seem, the Jaguars actually have a shot of making the playoffs. They’re going up against huge odds though – it’s kind of like trying to uninstall Norton Anti-Virus on a PC.
As of this week, the Seattle Seahawks are still the odds-on favorite to win the Super Bowl. Not only that, the Seattle defense is also the odds-on favorites to go through a lot of “random” drug tests before the NFC playoffs.
NBA – GOING TO CALIFORNIA
The big news, of course, is that Kobe Bryant is back playing with the Lakers. The entire city of Los Angeles rejoiced – you couldn’t really tell because of the Botox, but trust me, they did.
Kobe gave himself an “F” grade for his play in his season debut. I think he’s being a little hard on himself. After all, that would put him on the same level as a Dwight Howard free throw.
The Toronto Raptors traded Rudy Gay to the Sacramento Kings late Sunday night. Gay hogs the ball on offense, loafs on defense and is a divisive locker room personality – in other words, he fits the mold of the Kings organization perfectly.
Raptors fans are speculating that this is Toronto’s attempt to tank in the hopes of scoring Canadian kid Andrew Wiggins in the draft lottery. I wouldn’t be so sure – I mean, even if they lose fifty games, that’s probably still good for fourth or fifth place in the Eastern Conference.
In other NBA news, the Clippers have signed veteran wingman Stephen Jackson. I guess they felt their bench players weren’t taking enough bad shots early in the shot clock.
NHL – BACK HOME
Jarome Iginla got a stirring ovation from Flames fans upon his return to Calgary this week. It was amazing to watch – I mean, the last time I heard applause like that, a girl I picked up from the bar was watching me put my clothes back on.
The Florida Panthers were the butt of social media jokes when they replaced a broken pane of glass with a piece of cardboard during a home game. I’m pretty sure they were doing this in the fan’s best interests – that way, no one actually has to watch their team turn the puck over.
MLB – TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN
Robinson Cano agreed to a 10 year, $240 million contract with Seattle. As a result, beer prices at SafeCo field have been raised to $250/pint.
The Angels also traded slugger Mike Trumbo to Arizona. They acquired some rotation help and a forklift to help lift that huge contract off of Josh Hamilton’s shoulders.
I don’t know about you, but the winter free agency period has taught me one thing: the only time you should pay exorbitant amounts of money for big-name has-beens is when you’re recruiting for Dancing with the Stars.
COLLEGE FOOTBALL – THAT’S ALL HE WROTE FOLKS!
Alabama kicker Cade Foster received a handwritten note from George W. Bush after their crushing loss to Auburn. It was poignant, heartfelt, and written in five different colors of crayon.
Speaking of the Crimson Tide, Nick Saban will be working for ESPN during the BCS National Championship Game. He’ll be working the sideline and doing his best Mike Tomlin impersonation after missed field goals.
AND FINALLY …
This high school basketball shot might win highlight of the year. Anyone else going to try and replicate this with an ice cube and the punch bowl at their company holiday party? Anyone?
Thanks for reading. You can follow me on twitter @aFishCalledMatt. While you’re at it, why not give the site a follow too – @lastwordonsport.
Interested in writing for LastWordOnSports? If so, check out our “Join Our Team” page to find out how.
