Match Point: Chelsea Green vs Laurel Van Ness (3/10/18)

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Match Point is an on-going series at Last Word on Pro Wrestling, where we look at intriguing matchups in indie wrestling and beyond. They may be dream matches, first-time matchups, or hotly anticipated rematches. Today’s edition transcends all of those labels as it’s time to take a look at the upcoming match from Black Label Pro’s Jar of Flies show, featuring Tough Enough contestant, Chelsea Green, and former Knockouts Champion, Laurel Van Ness. 

No, you didn’t read that wrong. Chelsea Green is in fact about to wrestle her other persona, Laurel Van Ness aka the Hot Mess Express.

Whoever said kayfabe is dead clearly wasn’t prepared for a match of this caliber…well caliber might not be the right word. Professional wrestling has had its share of oddities such as when Kenny Omega infamously wrestled the blow-up doll in DDT or when Vince and Shane McMahon had a tag team match against Shawn Michaels, and the Almighty God himself, but this match tops both of those when it comes to strange. That’s because for likely the first time in pro wrestling’s history, a woman is going to be wrestling herself.

And yes, it would be fun to write this preview pretending that kayfabe is real and that Green and Van Ness are two completely separate people, but they’re not. So instead, this will be written the same way one can only imagine the match will go, with an incredible amount of confusion, intrigue, and a reminder of why wrestling can sometimes be a beautiful albeit convoluted artform.

Here goes nothing.

Who is Chelsea Green/Laurel Van Ness?

Trained by Lance Storm, the 26-year-old Chelsea Green made her professional wrestling debut in May of 2014 for Elite Canadian Championship Wrestling (ECCW), where she spent the first two years of her career. Green also made her WWE debut just three months into her career, appearing as Megan Miller, Daniel Bryan‘s physical therapist who confessed to having an affair with him in the midst of the Brie Bella/Stephanie McMahon feud.

In 2015, Green returned to WWE, finishing fourth among the females in the sixth season of Tough Enough. Green, who was cut on the final day of tryouts, returned to replace Dianna Dahlgren, who was forced to leave the show mid-way through due to personal reasons.

Following her Tough Enough stint, Green made her way to Impact Wrestling, competing under the ring name ‘Chelsea.’ She signed her full-time contract with the promotion in June and made her televised debut under a new name, Laurel Van Ness. Van Ness became a mainstay among the Knockouts, aligning with Maria Kanellis, who at the time was the leader of the division. Alongside Maria, Van Ness, whose gimmick was that of daddy’s little princess, began an on-screen relationship with Braxton Sutter ultimately resulting in the two expected to have a televised wedding. Plans changed however as before the “I Do’s” were said, Sutter, who had only been dating Van Ness because of being blackmailed by Maria, dumped his would-be bride for Allie, who he truly loved.

This led to Van Ness going crazy as she began competing in her trashed wedding dress and carrying around a champagne bottle to the ring. She entered into a storyline with Grado where the two almost got married so Grado could get his green card, but it all fell apart when Grado and his attorney, Joseph Park, realized that Van Ness was Canadian. Following yet another heartbreak, Van Ness moved into the Knockouts title picture and defeated Rosemary for the vacant belt. She asked for her release from the company shortly after, dropping the title to Allie at the January TV tapings.

Photo: Impact Wrestling

In 2016, Chelsea Green also spent time touring for World Wonder Ring Stardom, where she teamed with Santana Garrett for the 2016 Goddesses of Stardom Tag League. Green was undefeated during this tour, up until she faced Mae Young Classic winner and Wonder of Stardom Champion, Kairi Hojo (now Saine). A year later, Green competed in the first ever Queens of Combat Tag Team Championship tournament, where alongside partner Taeler Hendrix, defeated the Lucha Sisters, Leva Bates and Mia Yim (TNA’s Jade), to win the titles.

The Match

One of the best parts of being a fan of wrestling is trying to anticipate how something will be booked or how a certain performer will portray their character. Full disclosure, I have no earthly idea on how this match is going to play out.

Will Chelsea Green go back-and-forth between gimmicks? Will she hit the curb stomp as Laurel Van Ness and then roll out of the ring, come back as Green, and be lying on the mat like the move actually hit her? Will there be grappling? Will there be mirrors involved? Will there be a stand-in or will this actually be a match of Green vs herself?

The styles of the two complement each other exceedingly well because they are the same person, but how that plays out in the ring is really anybody’s guess. All we know for sure is this match is happening and hopefully, some good soul in Indiana records every last minute of it for posterity. The world needs video proof that this happened and a chance to see it because this will likely go down as one of the weirdest matches in pro wrestling’s illustrious history.