It’s Halloween in the NFL and whether it’s mysterious forces at play or just referees, fans are in for some frights this Sunday. Let’s get into it.
Week 8 NFL Weekend Update: Russell Gage the Elephant
Carolina Panthers v Atlanta Falcons
We start in Atlanta where Russell Gage the Elephant was hot enough to light a Cigarette in his return. He won’t have to score in his Daydreams anymore after catching a Cold Cold Cold strike from Matty Ice. Sam Elliot Darnold had us believing A Star Is Born for the first few weeks of the season, but Carolina fans are calling for his Tombstone after he got benched last week. Let’s see if he can bounce back and give DJ Tanner Moore a Full House of catches.
Miami Dolphins v Buffalo Bills
Last week Tagovailoa scored not one-a. Not Tua. Not three-a. But four-a touchdowns in a nail-biter with the Atlanta Falcons. He’ll have to deliver again this week with Josh Tim Allen playing to infinity… and beyond! Devin Singleterrier has found himself in the doghouse because Bills’ offensive coordinator, Brian Sponge Dabob Squarepants, knows that when you’re lost, Zack Moss points to civilization… and touchdowns.
San Francisco 49ers v Chicago Bears
Hey I just Kmet you. Matt Nagy’s crazy. They’ll lose by twenty. And a touchdown maybe. In Chicago, the Khalils are carrying this team on both sides of the ball. The San Francisco 49ers will have to be careful; they can’t be too JaMycal Hasty with the return of some of their players. They’ve been Kittled with injuries all season. When those players return, San Francisco should be able to get the latter half of the season off to a good Jaquiski Startt.
Pittsburgh Steelers v Cleveland Browns
Steeler? I hardly know her. Pittsburgh travels to Cleveland this week where Chase Claypigeon will try to “pull” in a few touchdowns. Ben Franklin Roethlisberger and the Pittsburgh Steelers discovered electricity in their rookie Najee Harris. The Browns are Hungry Like the Wolf, but it may be hard for them to be on the Kareem Hunt Duran game without their top running backs.
Tennessee Titans v Indianapolis Colts
Carson Pete Wentz has been putting on performances that make people Fall Out of their chairs, but Mike For Whom the Vrabel Tolls Seek and Destroyed the Colts when they Entered Nissandman Stadium in September. Tennessee may be a State of Love and Trust, but Jeremy McNichols plans to hit Indianapolis with a surprise left when the Titans get into an Even Flow on the field.
Los Angeles Rams v Houston Texans
The Los Angeles Rams are in Houston this week and McVay or McVay not be the best team in the league right now. Bobby Pickett Woods and the rest of the team will be doing the Monster Mash this Halloween. Even Van Morrison Jefferson has been laughin’ and a-runnin’ all over the field. Tyrod Taylor’s last memories of Los Angeles are of a punctured lung and Aaron Donald may gift him with another this holiday.
New England Patriots v Los Angeles Chargers
Damien When Harris Met Sally will have what the Ravens were having last week when they scored multiple rushing touchdowns on the Chargers. Justin Timberlake Herbert won’t go out without a fight so don’t be surprised if the New England Patriots return home crying a river. This cross-continental matchup is sure to be an Austintatious Ekeler affair.
Jacksonville Jaguars v Seattle Seahawks
In Seattle this week, these two teams wish they could remain Laviska Shenonymous with the state of their play. The individual play has been acceptable, however, with James Meet the Robinsons playing like he’s from the future and D.K. Metcalf looks like he’s from there. I Heard Through the Grapevine that Marvin Gaye Jones is going to be a Trouble Man when the Jaguars and the Seahawks Get It On.
Washington Football team v Denver Broncos
Terry McGyver has been able to patch together some decent performances when all he has is some duct tape and a quarterback with a wet noodle for an arm. It may not be Friday the 13th, but Jason Von-hees Miller is going to be attacking Taylor Heinicke all night. Courteous Samuel is being extra careful with his groin injury and will have to politely excuse himself from this game.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers v New Orleans Saints
Leonard Nimoy Fournette and the Buccaneers look primed to live long and prosper as long as Brady is under center for them. They make the Trek to New Orleans where Alvin Kamara Chameleon was coming and going as he pleased last week against the Seahawks. The original slasher of Tampa Bay, Michael Meyers Thomas, could make his return this Halloween and wants to pick up right where he left off.
Dallas Cowboys v Minnesota Vikings
On Sunday night the wide receiver combo of AC/CeeDee will Shoot to Thrill in an electric matchup with the Vikings. They’ll hope their QB will be Back in Dak and ready for this Sunday. The Minnesota Vikings better be careful because Jerry Jones knows where to get Dirty Deeds Done. Captain Kirk Cousins is red hot and on pace to Shatner his personal bests. If it goes their way, Minnesota will hold a candlelit Nick Vigil for the Cowboys later next week.
Main Photo: Embed from Getty Images