Welcome back to Quick Slant, the column that sorts through hundreds of headlines and brings you only the best, most interesting and downright stupid the NFL has to offer. The NFL is a smorgasbord of awesome storylines; some are analytical, others are critical, and some are just down right stupid. It’s the stupid ones I live for – they make my day. I try to offer my own take on the story in as few words as possible – some of us have a wife, kids and a job and don’t have time to read 5000+ word novels! So, without further ado, I give you today’s version of Quick Slant:
In news that borders on insane, Joe Theismann has gone on record saying he sees LeBron James as a serious quarterback. What the —-? Okay, we get it, the guy is athletic, but throwing a round into a basket is not the same as throwing an ovoid one with a 300 lb monster trying to take your frickin’ head off. NOT THE SAME! Stick to the hemorrhoids commercials……Adrian Peterson, in response to his take on gay marriage (why do we care about his opinion? Nonetheless…) says, “That’s not something I believe in.”. In other news, man has walked on the moon!……Aaron Rodgers has said he’s going to miss Brian Urlacher. Awww, how cute and cosy, warm and fuzzy. He said that the LB was his favorite player to play against……The agent for Joe Flacco, Joe Linta, says the Ravens were “dumb” not to have signed Flacco before last season. First, I know you are but what am I? Second, why are they dumb? They saved a boatload of money and won a Superbowl? They were dumb, however, in giving him enough money to buy a small country – but that’s another story……Apparently the Browns are hiring back Jim Brown (cause his last name is the same as the team’s name???) in some capacity. Sources close to me say that there was an opening in the organization for a loud, obnoxious fuddy-duddy that opened and that some former player/freight train interviewed for the position. Sorry, not a Browns fan……The NFL has called for immediate HgH testing. In completely unrelated news, there has been an explosion of hits for “deer antler” and “diluting urine” in the past 24 hours. Go figure……I’ll leave you with some Michael Vick craziness. Vick, on the Dan Patrick Show, has said that he is still has more open-field speed than RGIII or Kaepernick. A race between the three guys has been set-up at SkyDome/Rogers Centre in Toronto to settle the score (viz-a-vis Michael Johnson vs. Donovan Bailey), but Vick is already complaining of a hammy injury.
That does it for today. Check back tomorrow and I’ll have sifted through the day’s headlines and give you what you need to know.
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