Fantasizing about dream match ups is part of being a professional wrestling fan. For years I read magazines like Pro Wrestling Illustrated, Inside Wrestling, and The Wrestler, intrigued by their fantasy match ups. I would then grab my action figures and create my own fantasy tournaments, where I would decide who was the best of all time. It is in that spirit that I write my Fights of Fancy articles. A look inside the arena of imagination where we ask who would win in the match up of…The Cosmic Wasteland vs The Brood
There seems to be a resurgence in three person entities within World Wrestling Entertainment recently. The Wyatt Family has reformed, The New Day are reigning as WWE Tag Team Champions, even the majority of the Divas division has been split into factions. It’s starting to feel like I hopped into a Delorian time machine and travelled back to 1997, when the World Wrestling Federation was entrenched in gang warfare!
One of the most intriguing gangs of the late 90’s Attitude Era was The Brood, a group of gothic weirdos that rose from a pit of fire, spewed blood, and either creeped the hell out of you, or made you feel alive (the late ‘90s were a weird time for everyone). Compare that to their modern day equivalent, The Cosmic Wasteland. They are a group of interstellar weirdos who hail from the stars, scream incoherently, and make you feel confused and intrigued (It’s still kind of a weird time for everyone). Before we get to the bell, we need to examine the fighters. First up, our super villains from the stars.
The Cosmic Wasteland
Comprised of Stardust and the tag team of Konnor and Viktor, better known as The Ascension, The Cosmic Wasteland was first formed out of necessity and hatred for common enemies. Some would also argue that they came together out of a mutual instability, as they aren’t exactly playing with a full bag of marbles.
One thing you can say in favor of the Cosmic Wasteland is their intensity. The Ascension is one of the most intense tag teams in WWE today, and Stardust can just as easily throw a switch and go from raving lunatic to violent madman at a moment’s notice. This intensity can intimidate opponents and gives them great focus, which is likely their greatest asset. While Stardust enjoys toying with the crowd at times, these three men are all business and their razor sharp focus has allowed them to have great success early on in their time together.
Their relatively short time together could end up being the disadvantage that costs them the match. They have yet to test their mettle against battle tested teams who have developed chemistry with one another. We also cannot forget that before forming this other worldly team, both Stardust and The Ascension were not exactly having great success on their own. The key to their success will be determined by how cohesive they can be.
The Brood
The Brood is an odd combination of wrestling vampire Gangrel, and the brother duo of Edge & Christian. Ironically, the Brood started out as enemies. Gangrel and Edge were embroiled in a blood feud (pardon the pun), when suddenly Edge’s younger brother Christian was brought in to aid the vampire warrior against the young upstart. In the end, blood was thicker than water (last one, I swear), and out of nowhere the three decided to put aside their differences and began teaming up together, putting the WWF locker room on notice.
Much like the Cosmic Wasteland, the Brood have a scary intimidation factor. They rise out of a pit of fire for crying out loud! Add to that their pre-match tradition of spewing blood, and their sometimes post-match tradition of soaking their opponents in a blood bath, and the Brood could have you defeated mentally before the bell even rings. They also offer a unique dynamic with Gangrel bringing years of experience to the table, while Edge and Christian had the type of tag team chemistry that only comes with being brothers.
Sometimes all of that wouldn’t amount to much unless the team was elevated by an outside source. That was the Brood’s biggest flaw, that they were easily influenced. When they were battling the likes of the Hardy Boyz, the Brood seemed motivated and eager to kick their game into a higher gear. When they were being led by the Undertaker and his Ministry of Darkness, they had a higher purpose. Without those driving forces however, they often felt a little too in cohesive as a trio in the squared circle.
The Match
In the early goings of this contest, I cannot see anything going the Brood’s way. The Cosmic Wasteland would not be intimidated by the Brood and their theatrics, and instead would capitalize on their size advantage early on by having Konnor and Viktor do the heavy lifting with their size and strength. I could see an early feeling out process followed by the Cosmic Wasteland shifting gears suddenly and getting vicious with Christian, the smallest of the Brood members.
That isn’t to say the Brood wouldn’t get in their licks either. Sooner or later Stardust would get a little over confident, leading to a hot tag and subsequent brawl between all six men. This is where the Brood would shine. While not as focused as Konnor, Viktor, and Stardust, the Brood were agents of chaos. Which meant that when all hell broke loose, they felt most at home. I imagine the two tag teams would pair off and brawl on the outside, leaving Gangrel to battle Stardust in the ring.
With Edge, Christian, and the Ascension fighting on the outside, the final moments of the battle would come to Gangrel trying to put away the younger and arguably crazier Stardust. While Gangrel has an experience factor over the former Cody Rhodes, let’s not forget that Stardust grew up in the business as well, and has quite a bit of experience for his young age as well. In the end, the speed of Stardust would be the determining factor here. Managing to slip behind the older, slower Gangrel would allow him to hit Dark Matter and with no Edge or Christian to help him out, I foresee a manical Stardust picking up the victory.
Winners: The Cosmic Wasteland
Agree? Disagree? Think the match would go another way? Make your voice heard in the comments below and let me know what you think on twitter @AdamContant. Use the hashtag #FightsOfFancy.
