In the blink of an eye, all the speculation about which college quarterback will wind up in the River City and which will wind up in the City of Brotherly Love will turn into speculation about what will happen to the three, four, five, six and 66th picks in the draft.
All of which has been argued about and endlessly analyzed by far greater minds than mine. So I’d like to shift our focus from the Jared Goffs and Carson Wentzs and Laremy Tunsils and Laquon Treadwells to folks a little further down the draft. To the guys picked up when the only people still watching are Mel Kiper and Todd McShay and that guy who always kicks my ass in Fantasy Football every year.
A Modest Proposal for the NFL Draft
I want you to go past the second day and deep into the third day, well into triple digits, where exhausted ESPN analysts are so tired of bringing up the story about Tom Brady being a late round pick (#199 in the sixth round) that even they’ve stopped talking about it.
And I want you to imagine you’re a college football player, and you never counted on being drafted, but you love the game and you work your ass off and you’re just looking for a chance to make training camp. Something that will get the remaining coaches and scouts and front-office personnel who still have a functioning brain cell left to take a chance on you.
For you, I would like to offer this modest proposal.
Change your name.
Now hold on, I know what you’re saying. “My name? The name my parents gave me? That I’ve worn proudly every time I’ve taken the field? That I long to hear NFL Commissioner Roger Goddell call out from the podium in Chicago?” Yes, that name.
Change your name to Nike. Or to Adidas. Or to Under Armour.
Imagine how much one of those companies would pay you for their name to be mentioned during the draft. Not during a commercial which they’re already paying for.
During the actual draft. By the actual commissioner.
And how much they would pay you for every news story that runs that mentions their name?
Now imagine you make it onto the team, and there you are on the sideline, a free little ad for Nike or Adidas or Under Armour to every fan who sees you in the stadium and to every viewer whenever the camera turns your way.
And what if you make it into a game, and the announcer has to actually say your name? “Hand off to Nike, he swings around the left side, touchdown!” How much would a company pay for that, an in-game brand name mention that their competition can’t match. Which is then repeated every time that play is shown on Sportscenter. Or FoxSports. Or the local news. Or YouTube.
For who doesn’t remember “HeHateMe” in the XFL? Oh, how much more money could good old Rod Smart have made had “Nike” or “Adidas” or “UnderArmour” been emblazoned on the back of his jersey! Hell, he was playing for the Las Vegas Outlaws – he probably could have gotten away with a casino name or a beer sponsor!
Cha-Ching!
I’m not saying this will get you drafted, of course.
And I’m not saying it will help you make the team or have a career or any of that. All that’s up to you. I’m just saying it could get you noticed, and make a little cash along the way.
But I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking it denigrates the game. You think having the name of a corporation on your jersey violates the sanctity of the multibillion dollar international sport that is the NFL. Yeah, that’s probably why every soccer league on the planet doesn’t do it. And why the NBA isn’t going to start doing it in 2017.
Except of course, when THEY do it, none of that cash rebounds to the players. And certainly not to any of the late round picks.
Unless your name happens to be Tom Brady.
