Convinced he had no way to chew food and would die of choking or starvation, I sent Brent Burns away for Claude Giroux.
BRAINY SPORTS #1
Hockey is really the finest of the big four. It has elegance, it has rough edges, it has an amazing new 3-on-3 overtime. It has the highest quality of human beings of any of the four sports, and as an American, I think that’s largely predicated on it having fewer Americans than the other three sports. Go figure.
In any event, we thank you for tuning in to the official LWOS fantasy hockey year-end analysis.
THE SEASON THAT WAS
We went with an Original Six concept for our fantasy hockey league. Four keepers per team, PIM and hits in addition to conventional stats. Big rosters, two starting goalies. Six teams means rosters are mostly stacked, but you still need to keep an eye out and freshen up once in awhile; we’ll talk about some of those rare finds below.
The two guys ahead of me auto-drafted from the Yahoo rankings, and as a result when the third pick came to me, I sort of looked in both directions, checked my rear-view mirror once just to be sure, and clicked “Draft Player” while Connor McDavid’s name was highlighted. I couldn’t believe the luck, and a third place finish this year is a little easier to swallow.
Staying in Edmonton, kudos if you had Taylor Hall for the first half of the season. Maaaaaan, did you look smart snagging him in the fifth round. At any point before Thanksgiving you probably could’ve flipped him for Sidney Crosby.
Who could’ve predicted that McDavid’s return would’ve made Hall’s production fall off the table?
Pre-All-Star break 18 goals, 30 assists, and a top ten ranking in most leagues. Since January 31? 8 goals, 9 assists. Dude-man was a probable keeper, the Messier to McDavid’s Gretzky. Now he’s a fifth-rounder. But don’t worry about Edmonton, Alberta, they’ll get first overall again and Auston Mathews will toil in the tar sands for his most productive years.
The Ducks disappointed, then soared, the Sharks and Stars piled on, and the Maple Leafs will go into next season one year shy of half a century since they raised a banner in the city most associated with the sport. They embraced the tank in western New York and it netted them Jack Eichel, who, per this brief interview, was made to play in Buffalo.
DISAPPOINTMENTS
John Tavares
Perspective: His stats at the halfway mark were about the same as Leo Komarov. Anyone take Kommie in the first round?
Smile once in a while, Johnny. If Islanders ownership brought in enough at the gate to give Jay-Z his taste, they ought to spend whatever’s left on some premier wingers for their premier center. For fake team owners, Tavares is that reluctant late-first round pick now (I know, you thought Tyler Seguin might fall).
Rick Nash
The Mets must have had everyone thinking New York might make a run at sports capital of the world again. Until hockey started. Tavares had a slow year without much around him. Fantasy owners are still waiting to hear what Nash’s deal was.
It’s unlikely anyone hurt the master drafter’s ego more than Nash. Inexpensive 40-goal option delivered the same return as Bo Horvat (6% ownership, Yahoo). Nash lost his shot in 2015-16, scoring at a career low 8.6% clip. Get him at the turn of rounds five and six with Taylor Hall this fall.
Bargain/Surprises
Joe Thornton
Looks like the old man took time to ponder getting the “C” ripped off his jersey, because he turned it right on again. He broke 80 points for the first time in seven seasons and ended up a top-ten ranker in Yahoo. A salud, Joseph. He’ll get drafted either way too high or way too low next year. Find the creamy middle.
Brad Marchand
…is the most-loathed player in the NHL per a bunch of articles on LWOS competitor sites that I can’t mention here. Yes. The man probably didn’t skate onto the ice one day and say “Call me Ratface,” but the nickname has stuck. In any case he almost made 40 goals this year, leading the B’s with 36. Good value, not a repeat next year if Boston brings heavy talent in, and finally some context for why Tuukka Rask couldn’t win a thing for me all year.
Evgeny Kuznetsov
The thing you have to remember about “Gene, Gene the Scoring Machine” is that he doesn’t play on Alex Ovechkin’s line. So he’s not just hurling it down the ice for #8 to smash through confused defensemen. He’s doing his thing with Andre Burakovsky and Justin Williams. Streaky, but probably the best that money could buy off the free agent pile this year. In the pre-draft post in October we’ll be calling someone “this year’s Evgeny Kuznetsov,” like the smarty-pantses we are.
BETWEEN THE PIPES/MUSINGS
It appeared a few years back like goalies were going to go the way of running backs in fantasy football. The time was a football team only had tailbacks sharing duties if neither back could really break through. Nowadays bell-cow backs are far more the exception than the rule.
So far the heavy-load goalies are still plentiful, with hosses like Henrik Lundqvist, Jonathan Quick, and Cory Schneider leading the way. That said, many a fantasy team has done alright for themselves down the stretch run grabbing both halves of elite timeshares, i.e. Brian Elliott and Jake Allen (St. Louis Blues) or Frederik Andersen/John Gibson (Anaheim Ducks). If the NHL chickens out and moves towards timeshares being commonplace, well you just remember I mentioned it as a possibility here. And if that does happen, future championships will be predicated on possessing the best tandem.
AND UNTIL THE FALL
Well, the little lady is doing yoga and watching the Chicago Cubs game as I pen this, so perhaps I better do something more productive then spin this yarn for you all. “This is the year,” as they say (x 108).
Let’s catch up come late-September when it’s pre-rank time again. I’m gonna miss you, hockey. Don’t go a-changin’ on me.
Until then I’ll be producing LWOS baseball content at a pace highly-disappointing to our fine team of editors. If you’ve made it this far, please take a moment to follow the main @CultofAmericana Twitter feed or like COA on facebook.
And for the best independent coverage of the epic, mind-numbingly endless slog that is the Stanley Cup playoffs, be sure to follow @LastWordOnSport and @LastWordOnPuck.
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