A Football-Themed Halloween

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This Halloween, ditch those lame store-bought costumes in favor of something truly original. And look no further than sports for your inspiration. Football is filled with all kinds of colorful characters, an untapped hotbed for Halloween costume creativity. Take advantage friends — no one needs to see another Batman, Ghostface or naughty nurse. It’s been done. With little time left before the big day, here are some costume ideas to get your creative juices flowing.

Al Golden
This one is simple, all it takes to be Miami’s soon-to-be unemployed coach is a pair of khakis, white shirt, orange tie, look of disdain, and a stack of resumes.

One of the Jim Harbaughs
Hit up your local K-Mart to purchase a pair of their finest pleated khakis (because hopefully you don’t actually own a pair of these). Pair your new $8 khakis with either a black or navy sweatshirt, and simply print out a copy of the team logo and affix it to some old name badge you have lying around. Complete your outfit with a sharpie, clipboard, challenge flag, and the angriest scowl you can muster. Glasses are optional; spitting is not. Better yet, get together a group of your closest friends and dress up as a Jim Harbaugh dream team! Last year, I was 49ers Jim and my husband, Matt, was Stanford Jim, but you can also be San Diego Jim or Michigan Jim.

Basic Tom Brady
Slip on a Patriots jersey (it’s my understanding that, by law, everyone in America is required to own one of these), your wife’s jeans, and some basic Ugg boots. Carry around a deflated football for an added cliché.

Mike Leach
Go back in time and don’t get a decent haircut for about two years, steal pants and shoes from a homeless person, and put on a red polo shirt. Bonus points: write CJK5H on your bicep in sharpie.

The Heisman Trophy
Spoiler: this is my costume this year! I purchased white leggings, a white t-shirt, an aviator hat with earflaps, and a football. All were spray-painted bronze/gold. I’m still perfecting my pose.

Office-Inappropriate Lee Corso
You don’t really need a costume per se, because Corso is all about using props to terrify people at his work. You can erratically wave around a sword at your office, terrifying your co-workers. Or, you can drive a motorcycle right through the middle of your office, again terrifying your coworkers. Better yet, pick up a live cat with your left hand and a dog with your right hand, and parade around your office while declaring one of them the winner. You’re the scariest guy at your office today. No question about it.

Arkansas Bobby Petrino
Lie face down on the world’s most unforgiving shag carpet and rub your face on it for approximately 17 hours. Add a neck brace, and you’re post-motorcycle accident Bobby Petrino!

Ed “Guns” Hochuli
Buy a referee costume manufactured for a six-year-old because that’s exactly how Hochuli looks in a uniform made for regular-sized humans. If you’re attending a party, make sure that you play your part by being excessively verbose in response to mundane questions.
Party Host: “It’s great to see you! How have you been?”
Hochuli: “Really great! Three hundred days ago I went sailing. It was a really nice day and I enjoyed seeing the family. We saw birds and fish and crabs and surfers. Two hundred ninety-nine days ago, I took my grandson to the zoo. We saw zebras and elephants and tigers and lions and…”
Party Host: [Has died of boredom]

These are just a few football-themed Halloween costumes, but there are so many more. Go forth and be creative, and have a safe and happy Halloween!
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