In a classic episode of the 90’s sitcom ‘Friends’, Chandler Bing has something of a crisis about his relationships with women. In clearing the apartment of his deceased neighbour Mr Heckles, he discovers a diary, cataloguing the list of women that the peculiar old man had abandoned down the years, and the ridiculously insignificant reasons for doing so.
The choosiness of Mr Heckles, a lonely old man with seemingly not a friend in the world, reminds Chandler of his own relationships — he never acknowledges the positives of any of the women he’s with, instead focusing overwhelmingly on their minute flaws, the tiny aspects of their otherwise ideal personalities which prevent them from being the complete, 100% perfect partner. He vows to stop this habit, to change his ways and be a more tolerant and forgiving human being.
Now of course, this being ‘Friends’, this lasts all of five minutes before he’s freaked out by his next girlfriend’s laugh, or her haircut, or something equally trivial. And much like every other viewer of this episode worldwide, I was reminded of Nick Compton.
The England selectors’ attempts to find an opener capable of replacing Andrew Strauss, or at least lasting more than two series in the job, are filled with the same “but couldn’t I do better?” attitude that made Chandler among the least likeable of a pretty unlikeable bunch. Nick wanted nothing more than to feel secure in his position, to feel loved, and he did more than enough to deserve that. Sure, a Test average of 31 isn’t going to set the world alight, but he was doing a job. In Dunedin and Wellington he scored back-to-back centuries; three matches later he was dropped.
However, it’s important not to be wise after the event here. A lot of us thought bringing Root in was the right decision: The bold, aggressive decision. Here was a young batsman who had the potential to open the batting for his country for a decade, if not more. Tall, handsome with a boyish grin, and as technically proficient as any player in England, Root was our dream boy, and it all started so well. His 180 at Lord’s in 2013 was accomplished, measured and ultimately match-winning. It seemed destined that he and Cook would be together forever, churning out runs with calm authority for as long as we needed them.
But then we got restless. Beating the Australians wasn’t enough anymore; it had almost got boring. Three Ashes victories on the bounce, winning four out of the last five played, had taken the lustre of merely winning. We needed to dominate, apparently, and Root was seemingly too slow to let us do so. It seems ridiculous now, as we’ve seen him become an integral part of the aggressive new ODI set-up, and a world-beating counter-attacker, but Root was considered a plodder by many who watched him, including, it seems, the selectors. “He scores all those runs from hanging on the back foot and punching through the covers, but don’t you think we can do better?”
So Cook turned up in Brisbane with Michael ‘The Dasher’ Carberry on his arm, Carberry himself resplendent in the Ayrtek helmet which signifies ‘I score tons in the Pro-40’. Obviously, that tour wasn’t exactly a walk in the park for English batsmen, but in the midst of all the meek, unconvincing displays, Carberry quietly scored more runs than all of his team-mates bar The Greatest Ever England Batsman , Kevin Pietersen.
Yet after this horror show of a tour, the selectors looked at those two men and decided that both deserved to be dropped. Now, the Pietersen situation is an entirely different and more pathetic affair, but Carberry is perhaps the unluckiest of all the England openers tried since Strauss’ retirement. He came along at a time when there was a lot of turmoil in the ECB’s personal life, and whilst he did his best to help us struggle through that difficult period, it just never felt right between us. It wasn’t you Michael, it was us. We thought we could do better.
We longed for the solidity and bloody-mindedness that Nick and Joe displayed, but we’d alienated and abandoned both of them, so we sought out the next Saviour of English Batting, the next icon of the game, who turned out to be… Sam Robson?
Now, I know for a fact that Sam Robson played seven Tests for England. It says it on Cricinfo and everything. But I can’t recall a single shot that he played in an England shirt, and perhaps this is why, of everyone in this list, Robson was the least unlucky to be dropped. Whereas Carberry had to face the might of Johnson and Harris on sun-baked Australian pitches, Robson had to face Pankaj Singh on the slow mud-heaps of England, and he fluffed his lines. In earnest, we did our best with Sam. We stuck by him for longer than we did with Michael or Joe, but in the end we all just kind of forgot about him. There was no big break-up conversation, more of a slow, unspoken fade — we’d already got back together with Jonathan Trott, though that didn’t last long before we moved on again.
The One Where Adam Lyth Stays
That brings us to Adam Lyth. In many respects, he is an amalgam of all the others who have gone before him. He had the irresistible County Championship record which got Compton and Robson selected. He’s got the shot-making ability of Carberry, allied with the grit of Root. He’s a dasher, but he can block out the new ball. Yet, after four matches against the two best new ball attacks in world cricket, many fans are getting twitchy. There is a clear and un-ignorable sense that it’s happening again, that the incumbent Lyth isn’t the man for the job. Surely, they say, we can do better than Adam Lyth?
This isn’t entirely without supporting evidence; Lyth has looked uncomfortable against Mitchell Starc in every innings he’s played in this series, and has rarely if ever looked entirely at ease, but this is the Mitchell Starc who bowled Saint Brendan McCullum third ball in the World Cup final. He’s a phenomenal bowler. The ball which got Lyth yesterday was not phenomenal, but it would have got a lot of batsman out. I’m not entirely certain that Alex Lees, James Vince or Alex Hales would have kept it out.
We have become addicted to the idea of the new player, and we have got to end it now. Lyth was the clear and obvious choice four matches ago, and in those four games he has scored a century against Boult and Southee, and helped Ian Bell counter-attack the Australians at the one point in Cardiff where Clarke’s team thought they had a sniff. In the positive spirit of New England, let’s focus on these moments, rather than push them to one side in order to hone in on Lyth’s indefensible weakness against 95mph away swing, because we’ll only be doing the same with Hales or Compton by the end of the summer. England need to stop looking for their dream opener, and let Lyth see what he can do for the rest of the series, because right now, he’s the best England can do.
