Scientists were celebrating a momentous discovery last night, after unearthing startling new evidence of a Premier League footballer being found in possession of common sense, loyalty and a love of football without thinking of his bank balance. With the incredible news that Aston Villa’s captain Fabian Delph had turned down a move to Manchester City in favour of staying with his current club, academics across the country were heralding a colossal seismic shift in the Midlands region.
An unnamed source from the scientific community said: “This is incredible news, and is right up there with Benjamin Franklin’s experiments of 1752 that was thought to lead to the discovery of electricity and that landmark day in 1876 when Alexander Graham Bell patented the invention of the telephone. To discover a footballer in this day and age displaying such a clear sense of loyalty and proper career development is astounding.”
The signs were not initially encouraging. Less than twenty four hours earlier, Delph appeared to be heading for the city of Manchester, following an illustrious list of Villa stars such as Ashley Young, James Milner and Gareth Barry who had — for various reasons — decided that a move seventy miles north of their Birmingham base would be beneficial. It is unclear why he made such a dramatic U-turn, or even if there was any truth in the rumour in the first place, although Villa had just a day earlier announced the signing of the Senegalese Idrissa Gueye — seen as a direct replacement for the Fabian Delph-sized hole that his departure would have left behind.
Further comments from noted academics continued to display surprise at the turn of events. A leading expert on the topic of loyalty among present day footballers said: “I have to agree with the comments of incredulity coming out from across the country. Mr Delph could easily have afforded a second hand car with the inevitable increase of his wages, and would probably have been able to treat himself to a once-a-month take out as a guilty treat, but to turn that down speaks volumes about the man. I am sure Villa fans will be delighted at the outcome, and rightly so. Here is a man who has put his passion for his club and his football at the heart of his summer.”
Yet there are also suggestions that the 25-year-old was also more than happy to use the exalted position of playing in the heart of Villa’s midfield every single week as a statement of intent surrounding his future England prospects. Fabian Delph has been a rising star during the past twelve months, credited in some parts as being a huge factor in Villa yet again escaping the jaws of the relegation trapdoor, and his progress soon caught the eye of national chief Roy Hodgson, who handed him an England debut in 2014. It is thought that Delph’s continued good form as a swashbuckling marauder in the Villa engine room will give Hodgson little doubt that the Bradford born player could and should play an integral part in the the Euro 2016 championships. This behaviour, known by it’s Latin name as Lookatus Hodgsonus I Am Playingum Greatum Everyo Weekio, is what excited experts after initial discoveries were made.
Although recent examples of such remarkable behaviour were found in studies of Ryan Giggs, Steven Gerrard and Paul Scholes, it is rare for a player whose team recently finished 17th in the Premier League and were dismantled in an FA Cup Final to display such traits. The impact on Manchester City should be negligible. After all, they reportedly have their sights on current marquee signing Paul Pogba which should more than balance out the amazing discovery of recent days, but there is a real belief among the Aston Villa camp that this seminal moment can only lead to much better things after too many years of discontent.
Let us give the last words to those who uncovered this truly remarkable sequence of events. One Professor stated: “This could be one the very last examples of this kind of behaviour among young, gifted, athletic males. It warms the cockles of one’s heart to know that this kind of attitude still exists in an increasingly cynical world. Anyway, I must go, the postman has just delivered my gold Credit Card.”
