Sepp Blatter – The Irremovable Stain (Parody)


John Calvin Maxwell, the American author, speaker, and pastor, who has written many books, primarily focusing on leadership, once said: “When you are full of pride on the inside, it makes you stiff, stubborn, and creates strife with others.”

Few quotes have ever fitted Sepp Blatter as appropriately as this one. Now, as if he hasn’t done enough damage to the world of football, the Swiss scrot is willing to stand for re-election as Fifa president. Considering the credibily bar has been lowered by Blatter, practically to the point of non existence, one would assume that finding a fresh faced, more reliable president shouldn’t pose much of a challenge. A new leader was expected to be elected in mid-December, however, there is a chance that Blatter, in true Scrooge fashion, will spoil Christmas 2015 for football fans around the world.

The 79-year-old relic announced he was standing down as the head of FIFA two weeks ago. Less than four days into his fifth term, the promise was met with thunderous roars around the world, 99.9% of them joyous and triumphant.

Now, if world football’s governing body reinstates Blatter, any ounce of remaining integrity will be lost, the damage irreparable. A source close to Blatter, quite possibly his only remaining friend, told a British newspaper that the Swiss swine is set to make an presumptuous push for re-election if no suitable alternative emerges from the shadows. “Just look at Caitlyn Jenner, nothing is impossible. Actually, everything is possible,” said the source.

In his resignation speech on June 2nd, much to the delight of the football community, Blatter said “I shall not be a candidate in the next election. I am a man of my word. What is a man without his word? I’ll tell you what, he’s not a man, merely half a man, maybe even less than that.”

This week will see the self confessed ‘half-man’ sit down with his committee of advisors – quite possibly the most dubious committee since Hitler became a member of The German Workers’ Party. They will shake their Magic 8 Ball and gauge whether or not he should seek a sixth term as president – Blatter that is, not Hitler, although many similarities exist. According to FIFA insiders, unlike a standard Magic 8 Ball, Sepp’s provides only one answer – Yes.

Let’s not forget that Blatter, back in 2011, said his fourth term would be his final term. This man possesses an ability to backtrack like few others. He’s a modern day Ronald Reagan, or should I say, Ronald Renege-an.



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