The WWE and Warner Bros. Animation have in recent years formed a relationship, starting with the release of Scooby Doo! Wrestlemania Mystery. That relationship now includes the upcoming release of The Flintstones & WWE: Stone Age Smackdown, the first new Flintstones production in over 14 years.
Anyone who has tried to re-watch features from the Hanna Barbera library will see that not only did they not age well, but it’s a difficult product to even look at from nostalgic glasses. There isn’t much value aside from familiarity in characters like the Flintstones, which is exactly why we’re seeing them return in 2015 with a property like World Wrestling Entertainment. The WWE is a company that’s always viewed with nostalgic glasses from their fans, which makes it a perfect fit with a nostalgic, dated product.
The writing and production of the film must have been done in 2013 since CM Punk has not been with the WWE since January of 2014, yet appears as the antagonist to Barney Rubble. He isn’t named CM Punk though. No, all of the WWE voices get brand new “Flintstoned” names including CM Punk Rock, John Cenastone, Daniel Bryrock, Marble Henry, Rey MysteriOpal (who is also no longer a WWE talent), The Boulder Twins and the only name I think is actually clever, Mr. McMagma. Oh, did I forget someone? Yeah, I forgot The Undertaker. For some reason he doesn’t get the Flintstoned name. I guess there’s some things you just don’t touch. This whole project should have been it, but I guess they just gave up giving him a name.
For those interested in the story instead of me pulling my hair out as to why this was ever made and released two years after the voices were recorded, Fred Flintstone is late for work because he was daydreaming about a vacation. Once getting to work, he doesn’t know how to operate his own crane and nearly kills his boss Mr. Slate. Fred is saved by new worker John Cenastone, who is strong enough to whip around a dinosaur. Mr. Slate destroys Fred’s paycheque, which proves that despite there being a Freemasons group in the prehistoric era represented in the Loyal Order of the Water Buffaloes, I guess there isn’t a union yet. Because of the cheque being destroyed, Fred can’t take Wilma out to vacation, despite her modeling her sexy pelt bikini. Wilma is voiced by the legendary Tress MacNeille, who sounds like she spent 11 hours holed up in a studio voicing over a dozen characters for direct to DVD films and videogames. You’re the real hero, Tress.
Barney and Fred run a carnival game for the Order of the Water Buffalo (The “Boulder Twins” are running a kissing booth) where Barney’s pet Hoppy is a boxer knocking people out to raise more clams (the currency in Bedrock). Everything is going great until CM Punk Rock shows up with his sidekick Marble Henry (Henry is the muscle oaf sidekick, a disappointing use of Mark Henry) to bully and belittle the boxing green kangaroo. CM Punk sadly outshines all of the other wrestler voices by showing some personality and energy. Even John Cenastone sounds like Cena recorded it in his sleep after his 485th Make-A-Wish. Punk Rock doesn’t have to beat up the pet because giving it noogies and mocking it does the trick. Barney Rubble doesn’t take well to the abuse and fights CM Punk Rock. Punk Rock jobs to Barney, who is about the size of Punk Rock’s head. Who said Vince doesn’t give pushes to midgets?
Eventually this gives Fred Flintstone the idea to BIRTH PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING. But it isn’t wrestling. No, it’s the birth of Sports Entertainment! He recruits John Cenastone, who helps him recruit Rey MysteriOpal, who wears a business suit and body splashes printers. With the beginning of the movie including Fred in a traffic jam and now Rey abuses a printer, I’m starting to think this script was inspired by Office Space. Cenastone then finds the Undertaker in a grave yard, who moans and groans and sounds like a bad Undertaker impression but is actually voiced by the Undertaker. With a crew together and Barney being his ace superstar (proving that Roman Reigns isn’t the least over main event superstar in WWE history, if you include pre-historic history), Fred tries to do sports entertainment. It’s a mess but it works well enough. Fred can pay for the vacation and Barney’s too. I should mention that at one point, Cenastone gives a flyer to the show to Daniel Bryrock, which they then do the “Duck Season/Rabbit Season” joke with “YES!” and “NO!” with zero payoff. WWE Creative is all over this movie.
Since the show was a success, Fred Flintstone decides he’s too good for the quarry and quits his job, ready to take his fantastic idea to the top. Wilma doesn’t approve because the only good use for women in this movie is to either nag or kiss. In other words, WWE Creative took great care and interest in ensuring that the women in the film were presented as accurately as possible to how they present the WWE Divas. Unfortunately, his top star Barney doesn’t want to be involved despite Fred booking a main event spectacular in the rematch between CM Punk Rock and Barney Rubble. Somehow everyone in Bedrock wants to see this rematch of a fight that took place at a Water Buffalo carnival. Fred leaves Barney in the dust (or rubble. Oh god I’m infected!) to run the show himself.
Unfortunately, Fred’s roster disapproves of leaving Barney behind (if only the WWE showed this level of loyalty to their fellow peers) and CM Punk Rock rips on the fact Barney is a no show to the rematch. Fred decides to sacrifice himself to the altar of the Best in the Prehistoric World and fight Punk Rock and Marble Henry himself. For some inexplicable reason, the Boulder Twins are in Punk Rock and Henry’s corner. Fred gets beat up until Cenastone, MysteriOpal and Undertaker come in for the save. What was once a two on one handicap match has now turned into a four on two handicap match with the babyfaces outnumbering the heels. Barney and Hoppy then come into the fun as well to turn this handicap match into a gang beatdown on Punk Rock and Henry. Wilma and Betty decide to show up because the Boulder Twins kiss Fred Flintstone. I thought we might actually get Wilma and Betty kicking the Boulder Twins ass, which would have been exciting. Instead they just intimidate them. I guess the Boulder Twins need to be protected. Marble Henry gets the worst of the beatings, eating a tombstone from the Undertaker before being whipped around by Bam Bam. Sorry, not Terry Gordy. Or Bigelow. Would it have killed them to give Bam Bam some flames? Anyway, CM Punk gets his face humped by Barney to the point of bruising. He then gets whipped into Vince McMagma’s “Raw” food stand.
In the end, despite creating Wrestlemania in the prehistoric age, it’s all too much for Fred. He ends up giving the idea to Mr. McMagma, who promises to turn it into the greatest spectacle in sports entertainment 80 million years from now. It’s good to see the Flintstones represent the fact that Vince McMahon did not create the big wrestling show, stole most of his wrestlers from another promoter and failed at being a salesman before being in the wrestling business. Accuracy is important. The film ends with the Flintstone and Rubble family getting their vacation and Fred getting his quarry job back. I don’t get my time back.
Understand I tried to watch this in the perspective of making a good product, not for me but for children and their parents to enjoy together. So many of the jokes are recycled from the golden age of animation instead of having any life or modernity to them. Not only are they old jokes, but they are dragged with long delays. The action isn’t exciting in either an old animation kind of way or to represent the WWE so kids who love the WWE won’t care much for it. The voice of Barney is worse than Stephen Baldwin’s impression in the Viva Rock Vegas live sequel to the Flintstones movie. Aside from CM Punk Rock, none of the WWE Superstars show any energy to their voice acting so the kids won’t even be that excited to see even business suit Rey Mysterio. To make matters worse, they don’t provide you any inside jokes on the history of the Flintstones or the WWE, so neither audience is really going to get anything out of it. It’s a product for parents who know the WWE and know the Flintstones and have children who are at such a young age they can’t develop what they like or do not like yet. I feel like I’m pushing it to say this is for even seven year old children. Seven year olds watch Adventure Time. Adventure Time this is not.
So is the film a failure? Absolutely. Yet that doesn’t mean the resurrection of Hanna Barbera cartoons combined with WWE cannot work. I’ve said for years that the perfect project for WWE Films would be to do a re-creation of It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World, featuring WWE superstars of the past and present as the drivers trying to maybe the WWE Championship. There was an animated homage to It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World by Hanna Barbera called Wacky Races, one of the few properties that actually holds up to the test of time and is still enjoyable to watch today. A WWE version of Wacky Races would actually be a great use of their talent and a way to revive an old property without having to rely on old tropes. It’s just a great concept. Listen to me WWE! Oh wait, you listen to nobody. You’re stuck in the prehistoric age.
The Flintstones & WWE: Stone Age Smackdown! will be released by Warner Home Video and WWE Home Video on March 10, 2015 on Blu Ray and DVD. Available now on iTunes.
Thank you for reading. Please take a moment to follow me on Twitter – @AaronWrotkowski. Support LWOS by following us on Twitter – @LastWordOnSport and @LWOSWrestling – and “liking” our Facebook page.
Interested in writing for LWOS? We are looking for enthusiastic, talented writers to join our wrestling writing team. Visit our “Write for Us” page for very easy details in how you can get started today!
Have you tuned into Last Word On Sports Radio? LWOS is pleased to bring you 24/7 sports radio to your PC, laptop, tablet or smartphone. This includes LWOS Pro Wrestling’s own Main Event Radio! What are you waiting for? GO!
