Minor spoilers of horror movies below. And if you haven’t seen Jaws, go watch it now.
Popeyes Bahamas Bowl: Saw
Lockheed Martin Armed Forces Bowl: The Sixth Sense
I picked two bowls so I’m picking two flicks.
Central Michigan and Houston gave us two of the all-time great bowl finishes. CMU came up short in an all out blitzkrieg of a comeback in The Bahamas against Western Kentucky.
The Chippewas got within one point after scoring 34 in the fourth quarter. Going for broke, they missed the two-point conversion try, and the Hilltoppers escaped with a 49-48 win.
Houston saw their comeback bid succeed after getting 29 in the fourth, including a two-point conversion to seal a 35-34 win against Pittsburgh. Greg Ward Jr. hit Deontay Greenberry on a 25-yard touchdown pass and the ensuing conversion to nab the win.
These above classics made their name with their endings. Just when you think you’ve got it figured out… BOOYAH! (RIP Stuart Scott)
These movies zig when you think they’ll zag and that’s just what these two games gave us. You barely had time for a popcorn break in the second half of these barn burners.
Both games and both movies are all about the payoff. They plant the seeds of a conventional tale, then yank the rug out from under you, leaving you with a great memory of where you were when you saw the end, and how you felt when it happened.
Belk Bowl: Cujo
While Nick Chubb was representing a Georgia Bulldog rather than a rabid St. Bernard, the Louisville defense was attacked rush after rush by a violent runner who rarely went down with first contact.
Chubb ran wild all over the Cardinals like a Rottweiler after a slab of steak.
Having the good fortune to attend this one in person, his 82-yarder going from my left to right was one of most exciting plays I’ve seen in seven Charlotte bowl games.
Louisville was the Dee Wallace to Chubb’s Cujo in this one. Rather than being trapped in a car with a ravenous dog seeking its way in to maul them, the Cardinals were stuck in a pro stadium on a cold southern night.
Knowing full well what was coming (especially when Georgia starter Hutson Mason went out late in the second quarter) Louisville still had no answer for Chubb.
Thirty-three carries, 266 yards, and two touchdowns later Chubb had a Belk Bowl and UGA bowl record under his belt. It was a heck of a way to cap a season for a kid who was Todd Gurley’s backup in September.
Advocare V100 Texas Bowl: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Too easy, yes.
Appropriate, yes.
I’m going original TCM, 1974 style. Not the 2003 amped up gore fest. This one’s like it’s filmic counterpart. It’s largely bloodless, but something just feels off. It’s gritty, grimy, and tough to look at. And you know darn well who’s gonna bite it in the end.
Both beat downs occur in the Lone Star State, with the gang from said state being stymied to the tune of 59 total yards.
Texas got on the board with about 4:00 to go in the first half. 17-7 is a respectable, surmountable deficit. If only Texas could’ve gotten out of single digits. The Hogs scored just 24 ticks before the half to put it out of reach. The final of 31-7 didn’t do this one justice. It was never in doubt; Texas just couldn’t move the ball.
Arkansas shut out two good SEC opponents this year in LSU and Ole Miss. Texas never quite put the pieces together for Charlie Strong this season, finishing 6-7.
Foster Farms Bowl: Cannibal Holocaust
In Cannibal Holocaust, there is an actual turtle killed on screen. Italian exploitation horror films were notorious and reviled for this practice in the 70’s.
The found footage film centers on documentarians that set out to a remote rain forest in the hopes of making a film about the native people. Turns out, the natives are all cannibals and things quickly go south for our American friends.
The university of Maryland set out on a jet plane and traveled cross-country to Stanford’s home territory, Silicon Valley.
While the Terrapin himself was not slaughtered, the team representing the mighty reptile were all but flayed by half time. David Shaw called off the dogs in the third quarter, and Maryland snuck in a beautiful kickoff return (the first allowed by the Card since ’08). If not for the latter and a touchdown run by senior quarterback C.J. Brown, this would’ve been an even worse blowout.
Pundits put their faith in Stanford and the Farm Boys didn’t let them down. The Terps survived, unlike their celluloid counterparts, but will have to stomach a poor showing during the offseason.
Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl: Martyrs
Nope, didn’t go for the obvious Jaws choice. The Land Sharks were destroyed like the titular shark in the movie, but at least Bruce got some licks in before his demise. Texas Christian poached these sharks before they knew what hit ‘em.
Martyrs is a French horror film made in 2008. Quite possibly one of the most difficult films to stomach given its central premise. The less said the better. Bluntly: it’s traumatic. I can’t bear to write the events that transpire in this one, it’s that uncomfortable.
I guarantee not half as uncomfortable as the Rebels faithful from Ole Miss felt in the stands against the TCU Horned Frogs.
As one-sided as a big time bowl can get, TCU went to work on Ole Miss like Marsellus Wallace in Pulp Fiction.
Dr. Bo Wallace needs to go back to grad school after throwing it all over the field to the guys in purple for three picks.
Ole Miss gave it one last gasp try on a fourth down in TCU territory and came up empty. Rather than put up a goose egg, they kicked a field goal to crawl within 39 of the Frogs with 7:18 remaining.
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