There are few things in American life more confusing than sorting out the names, abbreviations, and nicknames of this great nation’s college football teams. As a service to its readers, LWOS is taking it upon itself to provide guidance to college football fans everywhere. The overlap leads to a great deal of conflict, sometimes between people who are otherwise very close. It’s time for this eternal friction to be eradicated, once and for all.
There were some (confidential) guidelines to the exercise that served to guide this effort, but there are only two hard-and-fast rules. In the spirit of transparency (take note, Commissioner Goodell), those rules are:
- All name convention decisions are at the sole discretion of the LWOS CFB staff and its department head.
- In the event of questions, challenges, or disagreements, please refer to Rule #1.
What’s In A CFB Nickname?
USC
University of Southern California, located 4.7 miles south-southwest of downtown Los Angeles. The singularity of USC’s nickname is offset entirely by the multiplicity of its fight songs, of which there are 37 versions, each more cloying than the last. That said, USC is not the University of South Carolina, which can be abbreviated as SCar, SoCar, or Carolina. Seriously, Gamecocks, stop trying to make the USC thing happen. It’s aggravating, and it only adds to the confusion.
Carolina
University of South Carolina, located in Columbia, South Carolina. This moniker goes to the Cackalacky to the south by virtue of the fact that it had fancy uniforms created for many of its sports teams that simply say “Carolina” across the chest. Since it lost the “Carolina uniform” arms race, the University of North Carolina cannot call itself Carolina. It can, however, have UNC and “Tarheels” all to itself.
OSU
The Ohio State University, located in Columbus, Ohio. The Buckeyes can also refer to their school as tOSU, because of that oh-so-pretentious “The” that it insists on attaching to the front of its formal school name. Yes, that is annoying, but so are visors on coaches, yet still they persist (I’m not naming names, Steve Spurrier). Oklahoma State should not use OSU, as it confuses residents of the Buckeye state, and the rest of us as well. Oklahoma State may use OkSt, Okie State, or “That Big-12 School in Oklahoma that is not Oklahoma.” At least you have T. Boone Pickens to buy lots of big, shiny athletic buildings. Isn’t that comforting enough? Seriously, Cowboys, stop trying to make the OSU thing happen. It’s aggravating, and…wait. That’s redundant. Seriously, though, stop it.
While we’re here, Oregon State, this also applies to you. You are Oregon State, or OreSt, or…no, that’s about it, other than “that PAC-12 school in Oregon that is not Oregon.” I know it hurts, but that’s life when Phil Knight is an Alumnus of the other big public school in your state.
UCLA
The University of California at Los Angeles, located waaay farther away from Los Angeles than USC is. UCLA also plays its home football games in Pasadena, which is approximately halfway between the UCLA campus and Las Vegas.
Cal
University of California, located in Berkeley, California. This is seriously the nicest thing I can think of to say about Cal. Well, other than…no, that’s not very nice. Never mind; I’ll leave it at that.
UC
University of Cincinnati, located in Cincinnati, Ohio.
CU
University of Colorado, located in Boulder, Colorado. Yeah, I know; it is very strange. This convention predates marijuana legalization, so I have no explanation for it.
NU
University of Nebraska, located in Lincoln, Nebraska. Hmmm. That must be a Big-12 thing. Wait. Isn’t Colorado in the PAC-12 now? Isn’t Nebraska now in the B1G? Anyway, this may be a point of contention for Northwestern University. Well, Wildcats, win something. Then get back to us.
ND
University of Notre Dame, located in South Bend, Indiana. Sorry, North Dakota, but The Fighting Irish have their own network contract with NBC. You really didn’t stand a chance here.
Ohio
Ohio University, located in Athens, Ohio.
Dawgs
University of Georgia, located in Athens, Georgia. This is not to be confused with Athens, Ohio, nor with Athens, Greece. Which US-based Athens is “better”? Call it a toss-up; each is a great place to have a party.
OU
University of Oklahoma, located in Norman, Oklahoma. Sigh.
UO
University of Oregon, located in Eugene, Oregon. You have no competition for your name, Quack Attack, but would you please tone down those phosphorescent uniforms? Oh, and feel free to Google “phosphorescent” if you don’t know what it means.
UMd
University of Maryland, located in College Park, Maryland. Thanks to its Under Armour Sugar Daddy, the Terrapins now wear more uniform combinations than the aforementioned Ducks. As if this were something to be proud of.
U of M (or UMich)
University of Michigan, located in Ann Arbor, Michigan.
MSU (or “Sparty”)
Michigan State University, located in East Lansing, Michigan. Sorry, Mississippi State. Win something, then get back to us.
Miami of Ohio
Miami University, located in Oxford, Ohio.
Miami
University of Miami, located in Coral Gables, Florida.
The U
University of Miami, located in Coral Gables, Florida.
UU
University of Utah, located in Salt Lake City, Utah. Ask Michigan about the Utes. Too soon? Too bad.
U of W (or “Bucky”)
University of Wisconsin, located in Madison, Wisconsin.
UW
University of Washington, located in Seattle, Washington.
UDub
University of Washington, located in Seattle, Washington. Yes, Washington gets two abbreviations from the LWOS staff. That will have to do, for now, as a PAC-12 North ‘chip won’t be happening anytime soon.
UT
University of Texas, located in Austin, Texas. UT should not be used in association with any other entity. I’m sorry, University of Tennessee. You may use “Tenn”, or “Lady Vols” during basketball season. Peyton Manning graduated almost 20 years ago. You haven’t had a serious claim to these initials for at least a decade now. It’s time to move on.
BU
Baylor University, located in Waco, Texas. Sorry, Boston University. You are a fine school, but please refer to the Texas-Tennessee conversation above. And, you never even had Peyton. Sorry again, but we state nothing but facts here.
AU
Auburn University, located in Auburn, Alabama. It’s not the end of the earth, but you can see it from there.
UA
University of Arkansas, located in Fayetteville, Arkansas.
Arizona (or, ‘Zona)
University of Arizona, located in Tucson, Arizona.
Bama
University of Alabama, located in Tuscaloosa, Alabama.
Roll Tide
University of Alabama, located in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. Alabama gets two names because of its multiple recent football national championships. Also, other than Dreamland BBQ what else does Tuscaloosa have? Don’t be snarky here; they need this.
Stanford
Stanford University, located in Silicon Valley, CA. The school’s mascot is a field of red (Cardinal–the color, not the bird). The band’s mascot is a dancing tree. No, it doesn’t really make sense. Do as Nerd Nation does; try not to think about it too hard.
Samford
Samford University, located in Birmingham, Alabama. Samford plays FCS football. Also, please do not confuse a Samford student for a Stanford student. This makes Samford students very upset.
Stamford
An affluent suburb of New York City, located in Southwestern Connecticut. This fine town is related to neither Stanford nor Samford. Please do not mention Stamford to students at either Stanford or Samford. It makes them very upset.
FSU
Florida State University, located in Tallahassee, Florida. I’m sorry Fresno State; I have nothing for you. You can’t even have CSUF, as that belongs to California State University at Fullerton. Fresno State will just have to be Fresno State.
UF
University of Florida, located in Gainesville, Florida.
FU
Furman University, located in Greenville, South Carolina. What’s that? Well, what did you think that meant?
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