MINDLESS – INSENSITIVE – EMBARRASING – AMORAL – UNCIVILIZED – LOWEST FORM OF HUMANITY –
US NFL FANS
THE FAT
Us, the sick obsessive fanatics preoccupied with a TV sport that is nothing more than organized savagery run by a white-collar cartel.
And that cartel is packed with juxtapositions, and devoid of moral accountability, trusted leadership, public relations savvy, empathy for average fans, sympathy for its forefathers and past builders, and heart – figuratively and literally for human kind.
Together, we make football? Huh?
No, together we treat NFL football as nothing more than an alternative universe! And that universe is nothing more than a media product where I can cuss and throw bricks at a 50” Sony because substitute teaching-like elderly official can screw up the spot of football on 3rd down because he has a stigma in one eye, while I keep in mind my universe is a $10 billion economy unto its own. The randomness of incompetence weekly befuddles me.
If I made football, I’d at gunpoint, direct the cartel to grab a shovel and start digging a hole to build a $2 billion hospital for the hundreds of CTE victims and their families who were left out of the last settlement.
If I made football, I’d eliminate the month of October pink public relations mockery, and replace it with October black and blue. Money would go to victims of physical abuse, and w/o the pink charades, another stipend directly to breast cancer research.
If I made football, I’d mandate $20 parking, $3 footlongs, $4 cans of beer, and $5 Jr. Junior Manning Jerseys so I wouldn’t have to milk the kids’ education account to attend a game once a year.
If I made football, I’d allow anyone to light up Monkey Claw on the sidelines, in the lower bowl, upper bowl and luxury boxes. To digest this mockery of this organized oxy-moron on a weekly basis. Football owes us at least that.
If I made football, I walk into the Vatican like offices, evict and hand deliver the incompetent reprehensible pathological liars to the thousand of Occupy Park Ave. hungry NFL militants.
And, if I made football, I would retain leadership that is for one – LEADERSHIP. And that leadership would project values that have a positive effect on every corner of society, beyond the head-banging.
THE SKINNY
Yes we stand together – the NFL FOOTBALL ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER SOCIETY (No offence to any families with ADD kids).
A society of junkies that has consumed en masse, while holding hands, the following:
The debacle of Bountygate;
The rug-sweeping absurdity of Spygate;
The Fail Mary hilarity of a Referee lockout;
The maligned Mild Traumatic Brain Injury Committee & nauseating financial settlement;
And of course, the latest – Ray Gate and Adrian Gate
So, I am finally at my wits end. If I have to digest one more media hyped brand tarnishing debacle like I just witnessed this week, I swear to God I will acquire a military-grade rifle, 12 buddies in a military vehicle, 2 dozen grenades, and ………………………………………………..oh crap! Sorry I forgot to give you this week’s best bets.
So without further adieu:
Last week, I kept my picks hidden in the bathroom reading material, but honestly I did both cover and win outright on 11 of 16 games. The only shutout on my sheets was the Vikes/Rams. Would have been steak-housing it all week on the Vegas strip.
Week 2
Buzz Kill @ The Dressed-up Ralph
Miami @ Buffalo – Pick’em –
Sunday will be the most celebratory day in Buffalo since Flutie Flakes were consumed for breakfast. A healthy Jim Kelly leads an undefeated (had to say it at least once in my life) Bills squad out of the tunnel, into a renovated stadium, filled with the highest avg. after market ticket in the NFL this week. Kiss that ass Jon Jon Bovi!
Note: ME – The ONLY sports guy in AMERICA who texted his NFL Writer type friends last Sunday AM, and said:
Happy X-Mas morning! Bills win outright! Who’s your Daddy Cutler!
Annually, The Ralph is not usually a happy place for the Dolphins on Squish The Fish $10 T Shirt on the Bud Light soaking inebriated teen week in Orchard Park.
But Manuel wets the bed in the 4th; Wake gets enough sacks to keep it close. Sorry, just can’t trust E.J. – sorry EJ.
Miami by 1 in a 4TH quarter buzz kill.
+++++++++++++++++++++
A Snowy College Season Outdoors, and Now No Adrian
New Brady -5.5 @ Minny
Yo Adrian? Whattup wit dat? Without you, Tom beats his old protégé by 2 TD’s. Last week’s Vikings killing of Rams – who’s all-universe defence went AWOL, was absurd to say the least.
Pats are still overrated; and Tom Terrific was 1 of 10 downfield – 20+ yds last week.
But Vikes sans Peterson is like last week’s gumbo w/o a good hotsauce.
NE by 14
+++++++++++++++++++++
Who was Dat? Where Dat?
Who Was Dat – 6.5 @ Johnny Foosball
Last year, Saints D forced the most 3 and outs in the NFL. Also were 2nd overall vs. the pass, and have added some padding in 2014. But last week’s stinker game, I had Steve Spagnola nightmare sweats all week.
For the Brownies to win, Hoyer will have to reprise the Matt Ryan Houdini like escapability performance last week.
And it will have to be compounded by Rob Ryan head-scratching mullet move of keeping Jarius Byrd at 25 yds off the line of scrimmage, so much so, Byrd spent more time in the lower bowl with the beer hawkers than he did in the deep zone.
Bad feeling – Brown’s cover somehow.
Saints by 2
+++++++++++++++++++++
HARDY HAR HAR
Detroit + 3 @ Carolina
Greg Hardy (2 “already convicted” counts of abuse) played, and had 4 tackles, a sack. And was in the Tampa backfield all day last week. The Panther D – felony assaulters aside – remains great! That greatness better get to Stafford.
Alternatively, the SUH crew of pass rushers will target, and need a putting a severe woopin’ on Cam’s ribs.
Lions looked good on Monday on both sides of the ball. So what! Giants are inept, and now the very worst team in the NFL right now.
Regardless, no one can cover Megatron. Good enough for me.
Lions cover and win outright by 3
++++++++++++++++++++
RG Moses Led ‘Skins Continues To Daze
Native American Mascot Team -6 vs. Jaguars
The ‘Skins are losers of 8 in a row now dating back to last season. Last week, JJ Watt’s – worth every penny status on a “Clowney Who Now” defence – single handedly beat the ‘Skins last week. SINGLE HANDEDLY!
How the Native American Mascot Team is favored by 6 (opened at 7) is beyond me.
I like Gus Bradley alot. Its part – I think he’s underrated. and part – I think I feel sorry for him and players who have more than 3 years tenure in this franchise.
Undrafted Allen Hurns won’t have 2 TD’s, but will produce enough. And Gerhardt has a good day – good enough to fire up some Viking Gerhardt regret in a week…or a month…without Adrian.
Jags by 1
++++++++++++++++++++++++
Concluding the Fat & Skinny Week 2 Post, I ask: Are we at our NFL Fandom tipping point?
How much more “Watergate-like” chaos will it take to make us look away?
Will 72.4% of NFL Fans, and 80% of NFL media partners continue scrutinize the shield on a weekly basis, and then forget all about it come Saturday each week? Just reviewing CBS’s Thursday night rating in Baltimore, I believe so.
The greatest sport on planet earth is under tremendous fire.
Because of how much of a weekly-mid-life diversion it is to me , I believe I can too.
The League of Denial has become the NFL Nation of Denial! Enjoy it. Then deny you did!
Gridiron Chef
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