7-1…7-1…7-1. Germans were lethal in Estadio Mineiroa as they drubbed Tahiti, sorry, Brazil to win 7-1 to leave the home crowd shattered. Brazilians had kept high expectations on their players to beat the Germans but Big Phil and his boys were ready with a plan – they took inspiration from Arsene Wenger.
Famous astrologer Piers Morgan, as usual, with his Vedic knowledge or maybe some kind of dark magic had predicted that Brazil would come out victorious against Germany. I have no idea where he is hiding at the moment, but his devotees who bet on Brazil are searching for the CNN’s ex-employee.
Every UK football writer backing Germany? Confirms my view…Brazil to win. You’re going down, Le Pitbull @Joey7Barton
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) July 8, 2014
Brazil started brilliantly by attacking from the very first minute. Germany continued pressing, as they had done against France. Brazil had opened its scoring against Chile and Columbia from corners – that too very early in the game. They say that “Karma is b***h” and it was proven once again tonight in Belo Horizonte, as millions of horrified Brazilians watched Germany take an early lead from a corner kick.
Meanwhile, the Brazilian FA (CBF) is in contact with a lawyer as they are preparing to sue Gatorade, the effect of the drink lasted for only 9 minutes on the 11 Brazilians on the field. Well, there are millions of Brazilians who are planning a riot – and let us hope that this move of CBF will not prompt Gatorade to improve their quality. If they do, then only Giorgio Tsoukalos and his so called “human friendly aliens” can save Brazil.
Anyways, then Germany went to score four more in quick successions. The Brazilians looked like a group of traders selling goals. David Luiz, their marketing head was busy telling the Germans about the various offers provided – I think buy 1 get 3 free was the one which Manuel Neuer, who was bargaining with Luiz, decided to buy.
As soon as Toni Kroos scored Germany’s third goal of the night, NASA reported something unusual happening to Brazil’s geography. After the game it was found that Amazon’s source had shifted from Nevado Mismi in Andes Mountains to Belo Horizonte in South-eastern Brazil. Football tactician Jonathan Wilson took to metaphorical terms to describe Estadio Mineiroa as a cauldron of tears. Poor fans, they had no idea about the deal between Luiz and Neuer.
Found one more!
Well done Piers Morgan #Expert pic.twitter.com/qL4XWzYX9v
— Football Live Scores (@F00tyHighlights) July 8, 2014
Disaster Control Organization has warned the countries in the western coast of Africa about a tsunami – back off guys!
From minute thirty to minute ninety Brazil were busy launching missiles at Manuel Neuer for outwitting them. Thanks to his IRON-GLOVE (gifted by Iron-Man when he was in Germany fighting Loki.), Neuer was successful keeping the angry Brazilians at bay.
Brazil were lacking confidence – seriously. We can excuse them when it comes to attacking – they did their best. What makes me worry is Brazil’s defending – they LET SAMI KHEDIRA SCORE!!! Miroslov Klose, a legend -ok, Toni Kroos, Thomas Muller and Andre Schurrle, great players -ok. But HOW KHEDIRA? I had this prejudiced idea that Arsenal were the only team with such a shaky defense, and from today I am changing it.
People of Belo Horizonte were singing the name of their local hero, Fred. He was so distracted that he could not concentrate on the game. The poor fellow was substituted in the 69th minute. This was as a tactical move from Big Phil as he wanted his star player to be fit for the third place play-off. (Messi wanted to play against Neymar’s Brazil and Neymar wanted to play against Messi’s Argentina. Maybe they will face to fight for the third place.)
Then Oscar pulled one back for Brazil in the 89th minute. The crowd roared as if the referee had changed the rule to “who scores last wins”.
Even Christ, The Redeemer was unhappy with Brazil’s performance.
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