For every Andy Cole, unfortunately, there’s a Carlton Cole. The 2013/2014 EPL season has served up some fabulous play by some fabulous players, however, this campaign has also served up some farcical play by some farcical players. Let’s look at six of the biggest flops from the EPL this season.
Roberto Soldado (Tottenham Hotspur)
The definition of the word flop, Soldado was signed from Valencia, a name synonymous with sexy Spanish football, for a club-record fee of £26 million deal. With a goal return that would make Fernando Torres laugh out loud, the Spain international has been one gargantuan disappointment, especially when you appreciate just how potent he was in La Liga.
Ricky van Wolfswinkel (Norwich City)
A wolf is a predator; however, this wolf is sorely lacking any predatory instincts. Arriving from Sporting Lisbon for close to 10 million Euros, the once prolific Netherlands international has really set Carrow Road alight with all those EPL goals, all one of them.
Erik Lamela (Tottenham Hotspur)
To be honest, a few more Tottenham players could have made the list, but if the White Hart Lane faithful have been irritated by Soldado’s performances, then numerous expletives have undoubtedly been used to describe Lamela’s effectiveness this season. The Argentine possesses real ability, but the only ability he has showcased in England is his awesomeness at doing nothing. Yes, I know, he has been racked with injuries, but he’s still turned out to be a flop in his first season. The £30m AS Roma signing scored just once all season, and that goal came in the Uefa Europa League, the poor man’s Champions League. At 21 years of age, the boy still has time on his side.
Marouane Fellaini (Manchester United)
As a lifelong United fan, honestly, I don’t know where to begin. From the ridiculous hair to his non-existent positional awareness, the Belgian is nothing if not frustrating. In the closing hours of transfer deadline day, sadly, David Moyes did everything in his power to lure his Goodison Go To Guy to Old Trafford, and succeeded. The once mighty United coughed up an enormous fee of £27.5m for the man who modelled his hairstyle on a young Diana Ross.
For many, when your club makes a controversial signing, you begin to try and rationalize the acquisition. United fans did it when Veron arrived for big money, Chelsea persisted with their defence of Torres (ultimately conceding defeat by selling him on this summer), but there is no defending Fellaini. Like a man up to his neck in quicksand, the Belgian is in far too deep, a player that looks completely out of his depth.
Jozy Altidore (Sunderland)
Ineffective, useless, couldn’t score in a brothel with a credit card, all perfectly acceptable terms for describing the attacking prowess of Jozy Altidore. The peculiarity of Paolo Di Canio is only highlighted by his decision to bring the American “striker” to The Stadium of Light. Before offering Altidore a four-year contract back in July 2013, perhaps the controversial Italian should have considered his goal scoring return for Hull, Altidore’s previous employers, a club he managed to repay with just one successful strike.
Much like Freddy Adu, another overrated American, Altidore was destined for greatness, but so far, in the north east of England, it has been a very sad story. The 24-year-old “striker” rivals Wolfswinkel as the season’s most disappointing purchase.
Samuel Eto’o (Chelsea)
Yes, it is all ifs and buts, yet had Mourinho actually responded to Chelsea’s desperate need for a new front man, Chelsea would probably be crowned this season’s EPL champions. The Special One spectacularly missed out on Wayne Rooney during the summer, supposedly their only respectable target. Having failed to land Wazza, Jose opted to enlist the services of the once spectacular Samuel Eto’o. Having worked with the Cameroonian at Inter Milan, perhaps Mourinho honestly taught that the striker could still perform on the biggest stage of them all.
On the other hand, one must remember an important fact, the duo worked together well over three years ago, and with Eto’o now aged 32, even though some reports say he is older, the once mighty magician looks a shadow of the past. His reflexes and pace show signs of a player older than 32; that magnificent sprinting ability has well and truly disappeared. It doesn’t take a genius to realize that Chelsea have no option but to dip back into the transfer market this summer, with the west Londoners heavily linked with Diego Costa, a man who might just overtake Eto’o in the pecking order (typed with tongue n cheek).
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