This league never ceases to amaze me! There’s never a dull moment, and there’s always something peculiar or funny-uh-oh to divert you from the regular world. Which sucks right now, by the way. “Shut down this” pal.
I had two concussions this week. The first: It took me 2 days after the Romo brain fart to get over the first, and another 4 days and doctor’s orders to come back from the PBS “League of Denial” on Tuesday night.
Findings:
I believe they concluded in the PBS documentary, that…. “football can cause brain injuries.” And in fact, “just sitting on the couch” on Sunday can do the same.
Science shows that just watching a spasmodic cornucopia of NFL on Sunday, while maintaining a steady stream of libations and red meat, you’re ok! But if while doing that without a helmet, your spouse decides to come down the stairs and tears you a new ass for watching too much, and eating too much, and drinking too much, she has in effect triggered a form of Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy (CTE). Scientifically, this form of CTE is called CHRONIC TRAUMATIC MEASPOUSEISAB****ERY.
Pack @ Ravens +2.5
The only glaring fact about this one is the Pack continue to be a dynamic efficient offensive Bentley, paired with a weekly repair bill FIAT. We continue to have little idea on what the Ravens are.
What they don’t have is any semblance of consistency with the O-Line. What they do have is one of the top D-Lines, and extremely efficient 3rd down efficiency. The deal is: whoever rushes the passer better…. and I mean not just sacks….I mean pressures, knock downs etc etc…. win the game. Alternatively, he who keeps the QB pretty jerseys cleanest wins.
Average Super Bowl champs vs. Overrated Packers with a Great QB.
Ravens by 1
Cinci @ Buffalo +6
Nothing to say here that hasn’t already been posted on the office wall of the 1-800-BuffaloSuicidePrevention office. Geno Atkins – unstoppable. Personally, I like the guy, but Bills Guard Colin Brown could very well be the worst player at any position in the NFL through the first 5 games. Attention, Eric Wood, help a brother out. You don’t want to get your QB murdered. Wait, what QB? Oh, yeah, Thad Lewis. Thad “pls hand the ball to CJ & Freddy” Lewis. Never mind!
“Anomaly” Alonso & co. (Gilmore season debut is a game time decision… by my buddies in the lot near Gate 5 drinking the Crown and coke) with the help of a bi-polar D-Line does enough to make Bengal fans, again, doubt their QB.
Bills by 1
Lions @ Browns +2.5
Straight up, AGAIN! Calvin is the only non-QB that can move a line in Vegas. He’s a game time decision. Combined with what we think is a legit Lions D, even if they dress him, and they prop him up with a stick in the X spot, his presence alone is enough for the Lions to cover. Browns, though, are better they already are presumed to be on D.
Browns by 3
Rams @ Texans -7
Matt oh Matt oh Matt oh Matt! When your last name becomes a NOUN…. as in your QB threw a “SCHAUB” in the 4th quarter and we lost… you are famous! Your D is still unsung and the Rams may be the biggest surprise loser in the league. Psssssst, listen up: Bradord’s #’s, record, QB rating ARE LOWER than now evicted BUC JOSH FREEMAN. Nuff said!
Now is the time for Texans to “get off the shneide”. Regardless that Andre Johnson is a game time decision, and his nemesis Finnegan of the Rams is out. So, use check downs and hand the ball off. Let JJ & co. do the damage. And don’t “SCHAUB” yourself.
Texans by 6
Oakland @ KC – 7
KC has gone from zit-faced small boobed Suzy girlfriend, to long legged, white teeth and tanned Donna girlfriend in only 6 months. Oakland is surprising some, but is, at present story-less, and no test for KC.
Captain Checkdown Honda Accord Alex Smith has recently led Chief Fans into discovering that long-legged Donna hates pets and old people. Mr. Reliable is losing his gloss, but still god enough to handle the Raiders. No surprise here.
KC by 13
Carolina @ Minny -1
Because of the tragedy to AP, it’s hard to provide any analysis on this. Like many, my heart broke when I heard the news. I don’t know what to think of AP potentially playing. But we have seen similar circumstances i.e. Favre’s father; Torrey Smith’s brother, and sports can be the great diversion. AP, our prayers are with ya man!
Carolina, I don’t know. They get decimated in the secondary vs. the Bills; then where Eli is supposed to turn the Giants ship around due to that, they shut out the Giants. Don’t know what they have, or what to think. But I do know that they do not have the heart of the Vikings and their #1 MVP.
Vikings by 7
Steelers @ Jets Pick’em
Although the Jets D are real, top to bottom, and Sheldon Richardson and Muhammad Wilkerson and as good as they get on the D Line to this point in the NFL season, don’t blink. CB heart and soul Cromartie is a game time decision, and CB Milner is out. Coming off an emotional win is NOT enough. Ben will scramble his way out of trouble; Sander & co. take advantage of short-staffed secondary, and get some help from their rookie runner. Troy Polamalu is a nightmare for Geno.
Steelers by 6
Philly @ TB + 3
Because of scary viruses that may cancel the game, and National Enquirer stories of both teams, and the fact is that neither are part of the playoff conversation, I am going to save my harsh words and use them on my wife and kids.
Backup QB in Philly beats former Backup in Tampa.
Philly by 1
Jacksonville @ Denver – 26.5
A “Schaub” = a pick six, BUT a “Gabbert” is 3 and out. Gabbert is out. Thank God for that – Canadian eh!
Starting to pontificate about this game is like a comedian on stage who rants on for 10 minutes about Lindsay Lohan and her drunken debathery, then pausing for the crowd to laugh mildly, segueing to: “And you think that’s bad, what about those Jags playing in Denver this weekend?”. He rolls his eyes, and the crowd loses it.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha, ho ho ho ho, he he he he! 2013 futility at its best. I have no idea what the Jags can hang their hat on, other than their porn-like-mustache owner, but….
Any given Sunday…. all players came out of the same draft and colleges…. Manning’s biorhythms may affect the game…. with the largest spread in NFL history being motivation, Jags may overachieve because of self-worth and pride.
Broncos get Champ Bailey back, but their D was flat out “torched” last week. Again, blah blah blah Broncos are unstoppable blah blah blah…. talk to me in January. Reminder: Gus Bradley is former Seahawk D Coord. If he can keep it within 3 TD’s, it’s a moral victory.
Denver by 20
Titans @ Seahawks -13
Without Bobby Wagner, Seahawks are still loaded and deep. One glaring problem that could keep it interesting and could offset Titans backup Ryan FitzTurnover. Titans D-line could demolish and horrible Seahawks O-Line and Wilson could be running again for his life. Seahawks O-Line is to the Seahawks what bad breath is to a runway model.
Seattle by 9
Saints @ Pats -1
The man with the consecutive game-with-a-TD record plays at the other guy who almost broke that record, but was – last week – held w/o a TD. Sean Payton is begging the Who Dat Nation not to drink the Kool-Aid. But, the fact is: the Saints are better in every sense of the way, and talent. And Jimmy Graham being unstoppable right now, and was shunned out of the TOP 100 NFL PLAYERS of last year, and is always compared to Gronkowski in every way, and is pissed and motivated. Saints can’t or won’t run like they need to on the road. But they are as efficient as ever in short passing (say ‘ay-lo to my lidder friend” Darren Sproles) game, and have been a FAIRLY stout D under Ryan, although very young.
Brady is as tough to beat at Clean-Shave Field as any QB at any home field. Gronk is unlikely, and no Vince “Condominium” nor Tommy Kelly in the middle. There is every reason in the NFL logic for the Saints to embarrass the undermanned Pats. But….. Tom is mad, and his day school will be in session. Drew is too good to not keep this close, but Saints due for a let down
Pats by 1
Arizona @ Niners – 10.5
This line is a joke. ‘Zona is better, yes “better” in most quality stats this season than the big bully Niners. Their D can sting you. Kaepernick’s sophomore jinx is malignant, and he is a shadow of his 2012 self. Yet, the Niners can ride their Bowman led D and running game to a “W”. But 10.5 points?
How about Niners by 7
RG Napoleon @ Cowboys -5
Last week vs. the greatest unstoppable team ever in the history of the world,
Romo vs. – 25/36, 500+ yds., 5 tds, 1 G-DAMN INT.
This is a different week. And you add some randomness to the fold, and the motivation for RG Second Coming and his teams’ need to get back into the race, and you have a close division game.
Cowboys run Murray 20x and passing yards continue to mount. Skins passing D is in a sad state. Enough for ‘boys to squeak one out.
Cowboys by 3
Indy Colts @ Chargers +1
Indy leads league in QUALITY STATS which means their success is real….I guess, mmmm….sort of. I am still not sold. The Colts better get their new RB on the rails. I am getting sick of him in every NFL Fantasy commercial wearing a Brown’s jersey. Rivers can be good (lame statement), but I believe in the end is only lipstick on a pig.
Indy by 7
This Weeks Recipe…. Back to the Bacon, with Smoked Bacon Tomato Crisp
