Sorry for no Thursday post this week. I was recovering from a week 3 concussion. The doctors say I am able to participate in some light activity on the sideline, and a recipe. So here are some picks:
BALTIMORE @ BUFFALO +3
The Buffalo Bills are like….”autoformat” in your WORD program; you try and change the line or format, and it keeps reverting back to the original. Who the hell was that “sad sack” of a team last week making Rex Stomach Staple look like Bill Belichick? E.J. Manuel and C.J. Spiller looked like dog poop.
Buffalo LT Cordy Glen is a budding ALL-PRO, and on the opposite end of the Bills spectrum, Colin Brown is performing as badly as any offensive lineman in the league right. It’s that bad. It’s John Madden’s Ethan Albright rating bad.
On the Ravens side, SB Joe Flacco is killing it on 3rd down – 62% conversion rate for 366 yds. That’s Brees-like! Bills secondary is not good and still depleted. Geno Smith – yes, Geno Smith – torched them last week.
In 3 games, Marrone has Manuel in play action 12% of the time. 12%? Huh? What the…? Deception blah blah blah……pistol blah blah blah…..freezing the damn middle blah blah blah. Memo to Doug Marrone: even a 49-year-old housewife in her terry-cloth bathrobe knows T-Sizzle wants to eat your babies this Sunday. All I can say is: Colin Brown, eat your Wheaties! The Bills offence is operating faster…..yes, faster than the Broncos and Eagles. That means Jack if you don’t open up the playbook.
Regardless, Freddy Jackson breaks out, and Bills keep this close because the Ravens are not the Super Bowl Ravens and are flat-out overrated. Bills hit “autoformat“ after partying with Jacoby Jones and other injured Raven players and their stripper friends till 3am.
Ravens by 1
PITTSBURGH @ MINNESOTA (IN LONDON) +3
In the land of (Austin Power’s accent pls.) “fish and chips and mushy peas”, the NFL is sending another daaawwwggg of a game to our friends across the pond. This is an absolute killer for you NFL Branding Types. Only 4 things stand out on this one: AP – ‘nuff said; the best pump fake in the NFL is Ben’s and he’s getting Le-Veon Bell in the backfield; and the chance we’ll see Matt Cassel in place of Christian Ponder (is like replacing a chest infection for the runs).
And, and, and finally the fact that I believe the UK is starting to get it. With their adopted son – the sad sack Jags (arriving next month for their annual affair), they have come to realize that they are in need a gameday diversion. After my piece on www.overtimeireland.com this week where I was talking food and bev with my guys Colm and DJ, and then an intro to my new my boy Malcolm at www.thegreenmanhotel.com, they’re starting to get it. The boys at The Green Man host a huge TAILGATE at every game just outside of Wembley.
It may take a few years, but when they finalize realize that there’s a better chance of finding Loch Ness than replacing the daaawwwggg games the NFL has been sending them annually, and the true fact is that the Jags are worse than the London Monarchs, they WILL embrace tailgating and homegating. Check this out.
Ben and the Pitt O-Line drug Todd Haley’s cocktail on the overnight flight, change the playbook while he’s passed out. Makes no difference. Steeler nation travels better than any NFL Team – but not to the UK. Vikings by 2.
CHICAGO @ DETROIT –3
B-bye Bears DL Henry Melton (torn ACL) who was franchised at 1yr. – 8m+. I hear ya bra, “franchise this!” It’s just as well; Suh would have instructed the Lion’s O-Line to cut block you.
By the way, all Chicago pizza joints just announced Nate Burleson Gameday Pizza Pie specials – 2 large pepperoni deep dish for 6.99 …takeout only…..must be driving a 2009 Yukon with deployed airbags.
Reggie Bush for mayor! Leshoure and a 3rd rounder for the Giant’s Nicks rumours are squashed as its revealed that City of Detroit’s file for bankruptcy was in fact caused by Megatron and Stafford contracts, where Detroit public works dept. was shutdown to afford the two contracts. Sunday, Detroit D raises some eyebrows while the Canadian ‘eh onslaught in Chicago cannot offset Cutler’s old habits. Lions by 2
CINCINATTI @ CLEVELAND +4.5
Cleveland squeaks another one out to the amazement of the Dawg Pound faithful. But instead of celebrating, the entire city of Cleveland has a Monday lunch hour protest as they see their 2014 #1 draft choices slide down the 1st round. Lombardi for NFL Exec. of the year – who’s with me? Browns by 1
INDY @ JACKSONVILLE +8.5
Colts barely handled the Raiders; then lose to the questionable 3-0 Dolphins while Luck continued to be beaten up. Then, the Colts bully the Niners, who were the neighborhood bully in the NFL for the past year. Indy’s D may be real! 9 sacks, 3 Int’s, 16 pass deflections, so do the math! I have no idea.
Jags get Gabbert back. O joy, O bliss! That’s the equivalent of having a few happier Sunday dinners without your alcoholic Uncle Bob, but he’s back to cause havoc this Sunday. Indy by 8
SEATTLE @ HOUSTON +2.5
Houston faces as deep a D as been had in the NFL in many years. If Schaub wants this franchise behind him post Monday, he better pull one out of his rear. Schaub has been nothing to a vanilla wafer, and his #1 target is a game-time decision. No way Houston should be winning this one, but they will. Pepto special, Texans by 4
ARIZONA @ TAMPA BAY -2.5
Mike Glennon in, so Josh Freeman relegated to back up, then 3rd string. Now it’s reported this morning that he will assist beer and hot dog vendors in the lower bowl, followed by being designated to “firing the canons” whenever Glennon scores. Which, by the way, won’t be that often as he has an injured tight-end and two hobbled wideouts. Patrick Peterson who had 5 snaps vs. that potent Saints D (again, did I just say that?) A had Jack Squat. Not this week. Cards finally get him in space. He produces. Arizona by 4
DALLAS @ SAN DIEGO +2
A la’ Bears Melton above – B-bye Anthony Spencer. Another “franchise this” Jerry player @ 1 yr. – $10.6 million. I feel for ya bra. Think that’s not a big loss. Say goodbye to one of the best, if not best and highest rated – 3-4 OLB’s in the league. Cowboy fans on a high, Charger folk don’t know what to think. If Cowboys run the ball, they are a contender. If they don’t, they’re average. Fortunately for them, as “in-games” as Rivers and co. has been, their meat and potatoes in that D –line is somewhat “soft as rotted fruit”. Cowboys by 6
NYG @ KC -4.5
Manning has 2 picks and a fumble by half. Dontarie Po has 4 sacks by half. Coughlin in a straightjacket by half. Team bus warming up by half. Capt. Checkdown – No Turnover Alex Smith + an underrated D does enough to get by, and make the Walrus celebrate with the Elvis Platter of BBQ thereafter. Chiefs by 5
NYJ @ TENNESSEE -3.5
All hail, the coming of Jake. Hold your pantyhose. Not so fast. Both D’s underrated, but Rex has something up his sleeve. All in all, an anemic affair. Jets by 3. Over-Under is 9
WASHINGTON @ OAKLAND +3.5
Washington continues with a sad first half, but RG Ghandi continues to get healthy. Dr. James Verbal Diarrhea Andrews, who has been repeatedly told to shut his mouth, when asked about RG Gandhi’s possible inappropriate early return to football from this type of injury, this week on a book tour, said:
“Well, that’s a difficult question and it’s probably not fair to discuss that under the circumstances,” Andrews said, “but I can tell you that generally when you think an athlete’s ready to go back, he’s still got about two months to go through the psychological aspects of it and to get his mind cleared about what’s happened to him, and to be (Clearing throat ready to really get back to his previous level. So it’s not a clear line, a clear definition to be able to make those decisions.”
(Clearing throat)…..okay there orthopedic God, are you saying ergo that Zone-blockhead Coach Shanahan has his head up his bippy?
Did you know that Matt Flynn’s last regular season and only game was against the Detroit Lions in Week 17 where he threw for 24 touchdowns and 765 yard. Well Skins fans, your D is making the Saints 2012 D look good. Be afraid. Oaktown by 1
PHILLY @ DENVER -10.5
Facts: Manning is God. He is king, there is none higher! Did you know that national media has discovered that King Peyton vacuums the living room every Wed. night after practice. Wow. Take that one to the bank. Philly and Denver combine for 492 plays. Philly keeps its close till the 4th quarter. Broncos by 7
NEW ENGLAND @ ATLANTA -2
Tom Brady Daycare continues to get better by the day. Gronk not ready, but Kembrell Thompkins is a buddy star…..which is why I drafted you……and because you couldn’t catch a cold for the first 2 weeks, I sat you in my ESPN pool….and you go out and get 2 TD’s, and I ended up losing my first game of the year by the same margin. Ass.
Matty Ice (God, I hate that name) will go toe to toe against an improving and falling into live Patriots D. Atlanta misses Jackson and O Line provides no help for RB’s. Pats by 2
MIAMI @ NEW ORLEANS -6.5
Promise I will post something Sunday over a pot of etouffee’.
“Praise The Lard” Gameday Recipe
Sorry, 1 week hiatus from BACON
Gridiron Chef “Doc”
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