I’m sure you will all agree when I say that there are some team names more uh, “threatening”, than others. Miami Heat, Oklahoma City Thunder, Toronto Raptors, hell, even the Charlotte Bobcats. If I didn’t know a thing about the NBA, I’d be more inclined to support a team with a name that sounds powerful and dominant.
Fortunately for me, I do know a thing or two about basketball. So I know that no matter how dangerous a real Bobcat might be, the basketball team couldn’t terrify a team of fifth-graders. With the announcement of the New Orleans Hornets having their name changed to the Pelicans (*laugh now*) next season, I am going to take a look at the top five most ridiculous team names in the history of the NBA.
The 5 Worst NBA Teams
#5. Los Angeles Lakers
First of all, don’t get me wrong. Despite a terrible season, I am still a die-hard fan. But the Lakers? Seriously? For those who don’t know, the Lakers originally began out in Minnesota. Minnesota is known for its nickname as the ‘Land Of Ten Thousand Lakes’, so this is where the name ‘Lakers’ was forged. When the Lakers moved to Los Angeles before the 1960 season, the team decided to keep the name out of respect for their roots in Minnesota. Is it just me, or is naming a team after a whole bunch of lakes kind of lame? Add to this the fact that they are named for the nickname of a state nearly 2000 miles away, and you’ve got a terrible name.
#4. New York Knicks
Did you know ‘knickerbockers’ are pants rolled up just below the knee worn by Dutch settlers in the 1600’s? Do you really care now that you know? New Yorkers, do you care that your team is named after a type of bloody pants? When New York was granted an NBA franchise in 1946, a cartoon drawing of Father Knickerbocker was a prominent symbol of the city and inspired founder, Ned Irish, decided to name the team the New York Knickerbockers. With the way modern day thugs in New York dress, maybe they could re-nickname the team the ‘New York Pant-saggers’. It’s equally as ludicrous.
#3. Providence Steamrollers
One of the original eleven NBA teams, the Steamrollers, were from Providence, Rhode Island. As far as history goes, that is probably the only positive thing to mention about the Steamrollers who ironically were steamrolled in each of the team’s three seasons. In the second season, they won six games and lost forty two, the worst record of all time to this day. The franchise posted a 46-122 record in its three seasons; you do the math. Besides being ridiculously ironic name, the Steamrollers just sounds ridiculous when it rolls off the tongue.
#2. Orlando Magic
I get it, ha ha ha. Disney World is in Orlando, very funny. But seriously, considering the team couldn’t produce a magic performance to save itself, does anybody else think of card tricks, vanishing and sawing yourself in half when magic is mentioned; the last thing I think of is Basketball. Infact, it was a seven year old girl who inspired the Magic name. Pat Williams’ seven year old daughter said to him after visiting Orlando said ‘I like this place. It’s like magic’. In reality, it’s probably better than the other two options of Tropics or Juice and I’m sure little kids love growing up saying ‘I want to play for the Magic’. But it’s a little uh, pathetic for a basketball team.
#1. New Orleans Pelicans
No surprises here, the “Pelicans” takes the cake for the NBA’s worst franchise name. Firstly, has anybody else noticed the wide wing spanned Pelican in the logo resembles Anthony Davis’ eye brows? Don’t get me wrong, there is great reasoning behind the name change. The Pelican is a symbol of the Gulf Coast region and definitely represents Louisiana’s values, but it’s just a horrible team name. And is anybody else sick of the red, blue and white coloured teams? We’re at about 5/30 currently. In reality, New Orleans basketball is a joke right now, and it’s a hell of a lot funnier now.
