I vividly recall how I approached beer back in my college days – quantity over quality. I believe that sentiment to be ring true for most alums out there, unless you happen to have attended Johns Hopkins, Harvard, Brown or another ivy league institution (in which case you would likely be reading Sports Business Journal rather than my little diatribe). So, as a throwback to the days when I watched my football on dusty and grimy old couches with dozens of other polluted men-folk, I made a special trip to the beer store to give another whirl to those beers that frequented my cupboards 15 odd years ago – OV, Labatt Ice and Milaukee’s Best.
I turned on the Patriots – Ravens game completely undecided who to route for – on one hand we have Tom Brady and his Patriots, who everyone loves to hate, and on the other the Baltimore Ravens, who as a Steelers fan I like about as much as when my mom used to pour hydrogine peroxide on my open wounds as a kid. What’s a guy to do but root for someone to make history so I can relay that story to my grandkids. To some extent I got just that, but all in due time.
Out of the three beers in front of me, none of which I have dared to consume since the late 90’s, I went with OV (Old Vienna), for no other reason than it was the closest to me and I’m all about moving as little as possible. I also usually like the sweeter pale lagers like this one. I cracked the cap and forced down a couple of mouthfuls. All I can say is that at least it was cold. I don’t remember what I used to pay for this stuff, but very likely it saved me some money versus more expensive (and tasty) counterparts. This was not good. I usually try and find some silver lining (which I suppose I did by saying it was cold, but that was more me than them), but in this case it wasn’t happening. Oh, wait, the label was intact when I peeled it off my cold, wet bottle and stuck it on my beer fridge – bonus points to OV for using a good adhesive!
Watching the Patriots-Ravens clash was actually quite exciting. Cheering against both teams was tough because one team’s misfortunes was to the benefit of the other, and how could I want that? Nonetheless, the game went on, my beer disappeared (I was tempted to pinch my nostrils shut so I could avoid any skunky taste – didn’t work). At least the aftertaste was somewhat inoffensive. At some point in the second quarter the OV was gone, thankfully, but that just brought about unwelcome feelings of, “Oh dear, if that was terrible, what would the other two bring me?”
Next up was Labatt Ice. I distinctly remember why I chose that one – the higher alcohol content that comes with “Ice” beers. For a young, stupid guy that is a good sell – damn you, Labatt (errr, Interbrew). Really, it’s only marginally more than most at 5.6%. That said, it wasn’t horrendous at first. I guess as the game dragged on, as did my interest in it until “the play” (more on that later), my appetite for this Ice plummeted. I think it’s one of those beers that is acceptable only when cold because as it warmed, the gut rot set in. I’m not sure I can blame this beer alone for that – I think the OV and Labatt Ice were mingling in my stomach and one decided to create anarchy and the other followed suit. Oh well, what did I expect? 15 years ago that certainly wouldn’t have stopped me, but the new refined Michael Kovacs 2.0 was screaming otherwise.
Just as the last drop of Ice was drained, and Belichick was at the “Oh my dear God, not even I can help this” stage of the game, we saw one of the most memorable dirty plays in quite a while. From my perspective, Tom Brady was scrambling, something he’s not known for, and as he slid feet first he lifted one of his feet with studs pointing up, to kick Ed Reed of the Ravens in the upper leg. Reed avoided the contact, but the intent was really clear in my opinion. After watching the replays and creating a few of my own thanks to my PVR, I was aghast at what I think was one of the dirtiest plays in recent memory, and I watch my fair share of pigskin (check out the dirty play from last year in the CFL where one DL tries to break an OL’s arm – crazy). With one of the dirtiest plays on my mind, it was time to crack one of the dirtiest beers I can remember – Milaukee’s Best.
Oh dear, this brings back so many memories. Actually, back then I can even recall thinking how awful this beer is so I was certainly not relishing this. My hope was that the other two might numb my senses enough – wrong. Truth be told I went and grabbed a lemon as a chaser just in case – yeah, I’m not afraid to admit it! The only way to drink this is F-A-S-T. Really, with only a minute or two left in the game I was playing beat the snap, forcing it down while each play was going on – once the QB snapped it, I would swig until the ball was dropped, fumbled or player was tackled. Hmmm, maybe I’m onto something with that? Does “Beer Football” exist already? Ben (our lawyer), get on that – COPYRIGHT!
Anyway, the beer was gone by the final snap, as the Ravens, the bitter rival to my Steelers would join the San Francisco 49ers in the Superbowl. Speaking of which, I’m looking for a theme for that game, so feel free to make suggestions below.
Anyway, sometimes it’s good to reminisce about old times, and other times it’s a really bad idea. This was one of the latter. I have learned my refined taste is too arrogant to look past what’s on the outside or the inside of beers, so lesson learned. You can bet next week’s edition will be vastly improved.
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