A Pint of NFL: The Ever-Spicy Jerry Jones
There’s a little-known spicy beer called, “13th Century Grut Bier” that I thought I’d give a try. It was first crafted by German Professor, Fritz Briem. I seldom drink straight from the bottle when sampling a new beer – call me fruity, that’s fine – so I poured my bier into a very tall, cool glass. A little turn of my glass and my nostrils were filled with cinnamon, my mouth watering. My immediate feeling is the spicy aftermath of ginger and pepper. More than that, my tongue senses the lemon undertones leaving me with a sour finish. The bier is light (in between a blonde and an orange – call it a “Scarlett Johansson”). It’s light, but the impact is powerful. Not a bad start. Let’s see where this goes…
It’s certainly a tasty beer, no doubt about it, and would be very fitting in a frosted glass such as mine on a late July afternoon. But very similar to Dallas Cowboys owner, Jerry Jones, it is a little on the sour side. And given that it has been brewed since the middle ages, it’s just about as old.
Jerry was in the news lately, mostly because of what I can only deem as some inferiority complex. In the statement of the year, he told reporters, “I’ve been here when it was glory hole days and when it wasn’t. I want me some glory hole!” Mint! I read that days ago, but it’s still just so good. Where’s my mug? Sources close to me (okay, they are completely imaginary, but I trust them) say he has been trying to work that “Google thing” to figure out why people keep laughing at him, holding posters with men’s washrooms and little holes big enough for a gherkin.
One thing I hate is when I have a good beer, nicely chilled, and realize that all good things come to an end. Swish, swish, another hit of my somewhat sour, yet incredibly tasty, mug of beer and I’m back. Sitting on my porch looking at the passersby (but not in that creepy way – or so I think) with a nice mug really clears the head. I appreciate the work that went into a fine brew, as do I appreciate what sports brings to my life. Back to Jerry.
In an attempt to give another gem, good ole Jerry thought it advisable to predict his Cowboys will beat the New York Giants. Wait, not just “beat”, they will “beat their asses”. Sorry, but given the “glory hole” comment, you gotta question his intentions. Clearly he feels his light sabre isn’t quite as big as John Mara or Steve Tisch’s. Now, I’m not an NFL owner yet (working on that, one penny at a time), but I would think it inadvisable to call out the defending champions, claiming your team will blow them out of the water. Why, you ask? While it’s admirable that you want to posture yourself as being supportive of your team, it also sets you up for failure as all eyes are now on you as your team battles one of the best the NFL has to offer.
The Cowboys, which as a team are more likened to an arrogant glass of Bud, didn’t have such great fortunes last year versus the NY Football Giants – sorry, Jerry. In Week 14, the two teams met in Dallas in front of almost 100k Texans. The game was close, really close, with the New Yorkers edging the ‘Boys by a field goal.
Only a few delicious mouthfuls left – not enough for another swish, unfortunately. While the beer is bittersweet, it is also bittersweet that it’s almost finished. Bless Professor Fritz.
In the return game, played in front of 80,000 in East Rutherford, NJ, the game was over much too early. Not dissimilar to my beer. A 21-0 Manning-led halftime score pretty much did in any hopes the Cowboys had of leaving the Eastern seaboard with a “W”.
Their season was done too early, in their opinion, and now my beer is almost as well.
With their less than stellar performance in week 17, and given that New York only got better throughout the season and especially through their playoff run, whatever would possess Jones to predict the Cowboys will “beat the Giants’ asses” is beyond me. You might remember Rob Ryan predicted that Dallas would beat Phili’s asses last year – apparently he, too, is worried about his light sabre size. Are the Cowboys that much improved? Or do the Giants now suck, and I just wasn’t given the memo? Entirely possible.
In a final bit of Jones news, the owner paid a visit to Dez Bryant. As you already know, the young receiver was arrested for a class A misdemeanor for hitting his mom. Idiot. When asked about the visit, Jones told reporters, “That was one of the reasons why I haven’t talked to him because I was disappointed. That’s one of the main reasons. As a daddy, sometimes you’re not suppose to spank when you’re mad. I wanted to get the information (about the arrest) but my mind is right so we can have a good talk about this.” Aside from the whole daddy and spanking thing (first “glory hole”, then beating Giants’ asses, now daddy’s and spanking – what a week!), I think Jones was right in condemning Bryant in public. You just don’t hit a lady, especially your mamma. For shame.
At the outset of this little diatribe, I described this delicious German bier as being a little spicy and sour, yet very pleasant to drink. I’m sure you see how Jerry Jones can be described like my beer – spicy and sour. While I enjoyed my beer, can I say that I like Jerry Jones? Actually, yes.
I like Jerry Jones because of his idiosyncracies. I’m sure if I were a Cowboys fan, or even coach/player, I would want to throw my empty pint glass at his head for always meddling in my business. But as an NFL fan, he brings charisma, an out-spoken personality, and has provided some of my favourite punch lines.
So while my last moutful of bier is a bit sour, that’s not always a bad thing. It was still entertaining, and that’s what it’s all about, no? Same holds true for Jerry Jones.