On June 23rd, 1996, “Stone Cold” Steve Austin was victorious in the final of the WWE King of the Ring tournament. His win over Jake ‘The Snake’ Roberts was fairly succinct, as Austin picked up the pinfall victory in just over four minutes.
However, it was just after the match when Austin laid a verbal smackdown onto Roberts, berating his opponent with the historic line: “Austin 3:16 says I just whipped your ass.” This quip helped launch ‘Stone Cold’ to new heights, with the “Austin 3:16” phrase becoming arguably the most famous phrase in wrestling history.
Ever since, the date of March 16th has been the honorary “3:16 Day” for Steve Austin fans, with ‘the Texas Rattlesnake’ going so far as to declare the day a National Holiday on the March 16th episode of WWE Monday Night Raw in 2020.
Austin was in the main event segment of the episode and came with a list of declarations that he had drawn up to help fans enjoy “3:16 Day” to its full extent. I’m going to run through each of them and share my honest thoughts. Let’s get into it!
Happy 3:16 Day!
“3:16 Day is a day where, when someone gives you a load of crap, you can give it back to them by simply giving them a certain hand gesture with one finger.”
Fans of Steve Austin will know exactly which gesture he’s referring to here, as he employed its use frequently throughout his time in WWE. ‘Stone Cold’ is synonymous with flipping the bird, with most WWE superstars having faced it at one time or another.
He’s never taken any nonsense from his opponents or even his teammates and his successful career speaks for itself, so perhaps we could all take this rule into consideration in our own lives.
“3:16 Day is a day where you can open up a can of whoop-ass on anybody you want.”
A staple in the balanced lifestyle of any Steve Austin fan is the trademark “can of whoop-ass”. If someone’s giving you trouble, or you end up in a physical pickle, just open up a can and all your trouble should soon melt away.*
*Not guaranteed to work
“3:16 Day is a day where the speed limit is only a suggestion.”
Although speeding isn’t something that Austin is necessarily known for, what could be better than hopping onto your ATV and hitting the road? Flying down the dirt tracks, feeling the wind in your hair (sorry, Steve), and enjoying the breeze.
Hit the road and try to top out that speedometer, you’ve earned it.
“3:16 Day is a day where you don’t give a damn.”
Short, sweet, straight to the point. There’s not much to add to this one, but it’s definitely one of the best. Austin doesn’t give a damn for 365 days of the year, but if you’re looking for an excuse to cut loose, take 3:16 Day as your reason. If you like the sound of this rule, give us a “Hell Yeah!”
“3:16 Day is a day where ‘happy hour’ is 24 hours long.”
At first glance, this is a great rule. However, it might be one of the harder ones to enforce. Unless you either A) own a bar or B) are Steve Austin, it might be tough to get approval for a 24-hour “happy hour” period. If you’re reading this and would like to try it out, please report back with your findings.
“3:16 Day is a day where if you burp, it’s considered poetry.”
The age-old adage of “better out than in” comes into play here. Austin has given his backing to belching, so let it out! If you’ve sunk a few “Steveweisers” to celebrate, let the gas go and be proud of it. If anyone complains, just refer to Rule #1 and respond with a single-finger salute.
“3:16 Day is a day when your boss works for you.”
How many of us have had jobs where we’d love nothing more than to flip the chain of command on its head? Today is your chance, as your boss should spend the day working for you.
Make them carry out any tasks you don’t enjoy, have them do the heavy lifting, and make the most of this day. Of course, Austin might be the only man to ever get away with hitting a Stunner on his boss, but I’m sure you can get your boss to work for you today.
(Disclaimer: this writer definitely does not support this rule…)
“3:16 Day is a day where you can have a beer instead of your morning coffee.”
Trade in the morning brew for a morning brewski. Swap out the java for a jar. Today, instead of having a typical cup of coffee, enjoy a cold beer at breakfast. Don’t let anyone give you any disapproving looks, because you’ve earned it. Maybe have one beer. (What?) Two beers. (What?) Three beers…
If you’re lucky, in true Steve Austin spirit, you could even have someone you live with toss you a beer in the morning. Either way, crack open a cold one to start your day. If you’re reading this later in the day and haven’t had a beer yet… what are you waiting for?
“3:16 Day is a day where four-letter words are always acceptable.”
There are a few words that immediately jump to mind, and I can’t imagine Steve is referring to any polite ones. I can think of a handful of words that ‘Stone Cold’ might recommend. Specifically, some begin with c, f, p, and s, to name a few.
Live your life as if it’s the attitude era and dust off some of your favorite curse words for the day!
“3:16 Day is a day where you can whip anyone’s ass and get away with it, and that’s the bottom line.”
Put simply, today is a day for reminding those around you exactly who’s boss. In true ‘Stone Cold’ form, you aren’t going to take any nonsense from anybody today. This final rule is a nice way of rounding up the previous nine and should serve as your decision-making measuring stick for the entire day.
Let’s take the day to be thankful for ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin and try to stick to as many of these rules as possible. And that’s the bottom line, because… well, you know the rest. Happy 3:16 Day, folks!
Check out the full segment on WWE’s YouTube channel:
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