Christmas Wishes for Major League Baseball Teams
With the holiday season upon us, here are Christmas wishes for every major league baseball team. Some need a lot of things and some don’t. Here’s a look at each team, going by division:
AL East:
Baltimore Orioles – Re-upping with slugger Chris Davis and adding a solid arm to the rotation. Maybe Scott Kazmir or Yovani Gallardo or (gulp) Mat Latos, but they will need someone to fill Wei-Yin Chen’s likely departing free-agent shoes. If Davis leaves, their offense wouldn’t be awful with Adam Jones, Manny Machado and newly acquired Mark Trumbo, but 47 homers are 47 homers, and no team wants to have to replace that.
Boston Red Sox – A nice relocation package for Hanley Ramirez. The converted outfielder was a disaster at Fenway last year, with fielding abilities that resembled a chihuahua chasing after a soda bottle. The Sox still owe him more than $67M over the next three seasons. This is a team that recently added David Price and Craig Kimbrel, making Ramirez’s deficiencies that much more glaring. They might do better to bring back Hall of Famer Jim Rice, now 62 years old.
New York Yankees – A starting pitcher that doesn’t require fans to hold their breath. Any of CC Sabathia, Michael Pineda, Nathan Eovaldi, Ivan Nova and Masahiro Tanaka can be masterful in a given game. But Pineda, Eovaldi and Nova were inconsistent in 2015, Tanaka’s elbow is always cause for concern and Sabathia’s personal calendar will read “2016” instead of “2009.”
Tampa Bay Rays – A new ballpark. They’ve long been seen as visitors in their own city, with the Yankees’ spring training complex in town and their own ballpark a dreary warehouse in St. Petersburg. Every time someone wonders if major league baseball will return to Montreal, a Rays fan starts twitching.
Toronto Blue Jays – Maalox for the other teams in the AL East. The Jays zoomed to relevance for the first time in decades last season. They then replaced the departed David Price with J.A. Happ, will have Marcus Stroman for a full season and will feature an offense with Edwin Encarnacion, Jose Bautista, Russell Martin, Ben Revere and oh yeah, MVP Josh Donaldson.
AL Central:
Chicago White Sox – A new home for Adam LaRoche, who is heading into his age-36 season after a year when he hit 12 homers with a .207 batting average. Oh, and made $13M. Also, some respect for these Pale Hose. These poor guys have to compete with the Cubs for local headlines and with the Royals and Indians for on-field success.
Cleveland Indians – A can of Midges-B-Gone for Joba Chamberlain. His memorable 2007 magic carpet ride with the Yankees ended at Progressive Field and he’s never quite recaptured that success with three other clubs, though he did manage to win a World Series ring last season while pumping up his career ERA in Kansas City.
Detroit Tigers – Their 2014 pitching staff. Justin Verlander, or a reasonable facsimile of him, remains. Max Scherzer, Rick Porcello, and Price have departed and gone on to mostly ridiculous success with other teams.
Kansas City Royals – Some large helpings of Kansas City Barbeque. This team has everything else, at least until Lorenzo Cain hits free agency.
Minnesota Twins – A few more pieces. They have some hot prospects in Byron Buxton and Miguel Sano, and good holdovers in Brian Dozier and Trevor Plouffe. They also have Ricky Nolasco. I’m not saying he’s good, just that they have him. And in Joe Mauer, they now have a .265-hitting first baseman who makes approximately $2M for every home run he hits.
AL West:
Houston Astros – A big year from Carlos Gomez. These guys have an ace in Dallas Keuchel to go with Lance McCullers, Jr., and Collin McHugh, and newly acquired Ken Giles to close out games. Their offense was pretty powerful last season, though many batters struggled to hit for average and in clutch situations. A big year from Gomez could help in both those areas.
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim – A starter in its stocking and some Fountain of Youth water for Albert Pujols. Their starters were fairly pedestrian in 2015, though Jered Weaver and/or Matt Shoemaker could bounce back. As for Pujols, he was an All-Star last season for the first time since 2010, though he finished with his worst batting average by far at .244.
Oakland Athletics – A time machine to return to the first half of the 2014 season, when they had Josh Donaldson, Yoenis Cespedes and the best record in the league. Also they really need a new ballpark. Nothing major, just a place that isn’t a concrete football bunker that has raw sewage in the dugout.
Seattle Mariners – A one-time Amnesty Clause that they could immediately apply to Robinson Cano and the bajillion dollars they still owe him to reportedly be unhappy while also being unproductive on the field.
Texas Rangers – A bounceback year for Josh Hamilton, who had possibly the worst year a player could have with a relapse, divorce, on-field struggles and a very public exile from his former team in Anaheim. Any one of those alone might have broken me, and I’m not even in the public eye.
NL East:
Atlanta Braves – Patience from their fans until 2017. These guys have reloaded and stockpiled plenty of young prospects in advance of their 2017 relocation to SunTrust Park. They might not fully blossom until 2018, but the Shelby Miller deal alone should pay big dividends. Also, a wish for Freddie Freeman to maintain his sanity as possibly the one significant bat in the line-up next season.
Miami Marlins – New owners. Enough with the squeezing out every last nickel while regularly stomping out any goodwill the team has with fans and the city of Miami. Jose Fernandez is now rumored to be the next great young player to be shipped out before he hits pay dirt.
New York Mets – A new bank account for the Wilpons that will allow them to operate with a clean slate and the full financial power and flexibility that comes with being in the country’s largest market. Their 2015 path to the playoffs – importing a lightning bolt named Cespedes while watching the Nationals implode – is not a successful long-term blueprint. If they don’t have money for offense now, imagine what happens when Jacob deGrom, Matt Harvey, Noah Syndergaard, Zack Wheeler and Steven Matz all reach free agency.
Philadelphia Phillies – After years of procrastination, they finally started rebuilding and have some great young pieces in place. My Christmas wish for them is that Ruben Amaro Jr. stays employed in Boston and doesn’t return as the team’s GM anytime soon.
Washington Nationals – A 2015 rewrite and a fulfilling of potential for Stephen Strasburg. This team had everything, including crippling dysfunction that led to a lost season. They wasted phenomenal years from Max Scherzer and Bryce Harper and are sure to get more, but if Strasburg can finally fulfill that early promise then even Dusty Baker might have trouble screwing up a pair of aces. Wait, what? Oh, never mind.
NL Central:
Chicago Cubs – A specially-granted 2017 Hall of Fame plaque for Theo Epstein, because that’s what’s coming if the Cubs pull it all off this season. There are lots of young stars for a team that won 97 games and is coming off a run to the NLCS. They even added Jason Heyward, John Lackey and Ben Zobrist. Theo’s not messing around.
Cincinnati Reds – Maalox for their fans. They didn’t move any good players off a lousy team at the trading deadline and now they can’t rebuild either, with a trade of Aroldis Chapman to the Dodgers being held up by his alleged domestic abuse and a move of Brandon Phillips to the Nationals apparently falling through. The Reds thus far have a lock on the 2015 Schlemiel Award.
Milwaukee Brewers – A trading partner for catcher Jonathan Lucroy. A slugging catcher for a team that’s trying to rebuild – who’s making a small-for-baseball salary – the Brew Crew probably should have traded him a year ago. Back then he was coming off a league-leading 53 doubles and a .301 batting average. Now he’s a year older and coming off an injury-marred season when he hit .264. Maybe they can package some cheese and beer to go with him to sweeten the deal.
Pittsburgh Pirates – A push. After two decades of futility, the Bucs have made the playoffs the past three years as a Wild Card but never could get past the Division Series. They still haven’t won a Division Title since 1992, but they won 98 games last season, and have a deep and talented roster. Maybe a Christmas Push will get them over the hump in 2016.
St. Louis Cardinals – This team doesn’t need anything for Christmas. They lost their ace Adam Wainwright last season and still won 100 games. They did recently lose Jason Heyward to the Cubs in a rare player defection from St. Louis. They also signed starter Mike Leake to be a thoroughly average pitcher for them, which means they’ll probably win 106 games next season. Yawn.
NL West:
Arizona Diamondbacks – Lots of luck. They just added Zack Greinke and Shelby Miller to anchor their pitching staff while they still have Paul Goldschmidt and A.J. Pollock to fuel the offense, but they remain in a division loaded with Dodgers and Giants. This could be a fun team or it could be the 2016 edition of the 2015 San Diego Padres.
Colorado Rockies – New altitude. Two decades in Denver and they still haven’t figured out how to construct a good pitching staff in that high altitude, and they have just three playoff appearances since their 1993 inception. Offense is never an issue for the Rockies. The problem is that it’s never a problem for the visiting teams either.
Los Angeles Dodgers – A little playoff magic. This team has many expensive parts that don’t always fit together. Three straight division titles weren’t enough to save Don Mattingly’s job as manager. They lost Zack Greinke, but a high-octane offense with Clayton Kershaw on the team makes for a solid foundation.
San Diego Padres – Another new start. Last offseason’s wholesale changes blew up and cost the Padres a bunch of prospects, not to mention dollars. They’re competing with the Dodgers, Giants and now Diamondbacks, so it’ll be more rough sailing for at least this season.
San Francisco Giants – They don’t need anything else this holiday season, not after Johnny Cueto and Jeff Samardzija joined the pitching staff. With Buster Posey behind the plate and Bruce “Three Rings” Bochy at the helm, this team has all it needs for 2016.
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