The 5 Worst NBA Players and Why I Love Them

The all-time greats are no longer in the NBA.  It’s a shame but it’s true.  No, I’m not talking about Michael Jordan or Larry Bird- I’m talking about the real hardwood heroes.  The Brian Scalabrine’s, the Brian Cardinal’s, the Adam Morrison’s!  They see the court 48 minutes a game, but they see it from a fold up chair in the far left corner of the arena: I’m talking about the top 5 worst NBA players, also known as my favorite players in the NBA.

#5: Beno Udrih, PG Memphis Grizzlies

Give me a break.  Everytime I see Beno on the court I get physically excited because I know something tragic is about to happen to the poor Grizzlies.  Let’s take a look at the successful teams Udrih has been a part of in the last seven years: New York Knicks, Orlando Magic, Milwaukee Bucks, and the Sacramento Kings.  For his career he averages 8.8 points and 3.6 assists which I am now officially declaring as the “Beno Line.”  It’s kind of like the “Mendoza Line” in baseball, except this one means you’re a designated third string point guard forever.  Keep up the mediocre work.

#4: Kevin Seraphin, C Washington Wizards

A lifelong Wizard, there was no choice but to put Seraphin on the list.  My favorite players in the NBA are the ones that are pushing 7 feet tall and still struggling to reel in more than four boards per game.  Kevin Seraphin does not disappoint, coming in hot last season averaging 4.7 points and 2.4 rebounds over 53 games.  This dude is enormous, 278 pounds of pure weight on a chair.  A 48% career FG% from a seven footer who should be able to bang bodies with the best of them underneath is a surefire way to make my favorite worst players list in the first place, but the fact that he is a life long Wizard makes me feel all warm inside.  Until lately when the Wizards decided to be good, it must have been like when ugly people get married to one another-  she (the Wizards) knows he is kind of fat and doesn’t bring much to the table, but he (Seraphin) knows she doesn’t have any better prospects to go after anyways.  Match made in heaven! He earns spot number 4.

#3: Robert Sacre, C, Los Angeles Lakers

Big Shot Bob, as they call him in LA, brings the noise night in and night out.  Well, maybe more like every two or three games, but regardless.  Another seven footer, the Canadian has averaged 4.1 points and 2.9 rebounds over his 101 games for the Lakers in his career.  A typical end-of-the-bench big.  But what stands out about Sacre?  What gives him that little extra that keeps me coming back for more?  It’s the energy this guy gives out.  I wasn’t kidding about him bring the noise.  It’s when he delivers quotes like this one that he delivered in September when asked about the upcoming season that me going: “It’s time to kick butt and take names.”  Tell ’em Robert!  The thing is, I’m 99% sure all he meant by that was it’s literally time for him to help Kobe with his butt-kick stretches and grab a clip board and start keeping some stats to stay busy.

#2: Luke Ridnour, PG, Orlando Magic

Ridnour is another journeyman of the NBA’s D list.  Ridnour has taken tours of duty in Seattle, Minnesota, Milwaukee, Charlotte, and now Orlando.  There is just no way this guy even likes basketball anymore, that is just too much for one man to handle.  At 9.6 ppg and 4.6 apg, Ridnour makes it above the “Udrih Line” solidifying his spot as a backup point guard forever, and holds a special spot in my heart because I hit a half-court game winner with him once in NBA 2K9.

#1: Glen Davis, PF, LA Clippers

We’re putting stats aside for this one.  Have you ever seen Big Baby play basketball?  It is truly baffling to see his 6’7″ 290 pound frame waddle up and down the court and get buckets.  It’s unbelievable!  My favorite Doc Rivers quote of all time is From crying on the Celtics bench a few years back, to slobbering all over Nate Robinson, to getting stuffed by the rim on dunk attempts, Davis just brings joy to my soul every time he blesses the court.


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