As always, great to be back this week. In case you missed them, here’s what been making news this week in the world of pro sports:
NHL – LOSING NEVER LOOKED SO BAD
The NHL now has a new Canadian broadcast contract with Rogers worth $5.2 billion. Gary Bettman hopes the new influx of revenue will help the league do two things: increase the salary cap and increase the number of teams playing in Phoenix.
The new TV deal also means that mythological Canadian figure Don Cherry might be out of a broadcasting job. The feeling is that Rogers will probably hire someone with the one quality Cherry lacks: a solid grasp of the English language.
Though based on regular Sportsnet personality Nick Kypreos we really can’t be sure this is a job requirement.
Did you see the new third jerseys the Buffalo Sabres debuted against the Red Wings? Honestly, that color scheme is almost as horrifying as their defensive zone coverage.
Seriously, I hope whoever designed that atrocity of a jersey is fired and buried alive under Ville Leino’s contract.
Forbes magazine has once again named the Maple Leafs the NHL’s most valuable franchise. It’s amazing that they’re still considered No. 1 nearly fifty years after the last time they actually were No. 1.
In the same article, Forbes named the Columbus Blue Jackets the league’s least valuable franchise. Fans are absolutely shocked – they thought their team had moved to Winnipeg two seasons ago.
NBA – IT’S BEEN NICE KNOWING YOU …
Bad news for Bulls fans – Derrick Rose is officially done for season after tearing a ligament in his other knee. Instead of coasting to the playoffs, looks like the Bulls will be wheel chairing it this year.
I feel bad for Rose. I mean, the last time I saw the media scrutinizing someone’s knees this much, a bailiff was leading Monica Lewinsky to the witness stand.
Meanwhile, the Lakers managed to sign Kobe Bryant to a two-year extension. It’s an incentive-laden contract, with huge bonuses for each feud he has with a teammate this year.
Lots of people are having trouble describing the Nets this year. I’ll make it real simple: they’re basically the 2008 Celtics team, just minus all the winning.
Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban wants the league to consider allowing players to use HGH. When asked about his reasoning, Cuban said it’s because he trying to work out a trade for Alex Rodriguez.
James Dolan has reportedly banned Woody Allen from eating at the VIP restaurant at Madison Square Garden during Knicks games. I think it’s fitting – I mean, who better to be at the center of a New York story saw or no one cares about than Woody Allen?
NFL – BRADY BEATS MANNING, SHEDS UNDERDOG STATUS
I wrote a ton of Tom-Brady-hating-on-referees jokes in anticipation of a Broncos win. Of course, now they’re all useless, just like the Denver secondary.
Photos from a sex tape featuring Colts running back Trent Richardson have surfaced online. I’ve heard the tape isn’t any good – apparently he has trouble finding any holes for deep penetration.
RGIII has asked the Redskins coaching staff to “stop playing negative films clips” of his play in front of the team. Guess that means no more film sessions in Washington…
It was revealed this week that Percy Harvin had a tumor removed during this past offseason. That tumor: the Minnesota Vikings.
MLB – BREAKING THE RULES TO BREAK THE BANK
Players, pundits and fans are outraged at the St. Louis Cardinals’ backing Jhonny Peralta despite being a convicted user of banned substances. You know what this means – a very awkward television interview with Oprah shouldn’t be too far off.
The Washington Nationals are seeking $300 million dollars of public funds to put a roof on their stadium. City officials have enthusiastically supported this move, since a roof means fans operating overhead blimp cameras don’t have to witness any more blown saves.
The Yankees are still nowhere close to signing Robinson Cano. They’re hoping that, if it doesn’t work out, Chuck Knoblauch can bring his 1996 self to play second base next year.
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