The NFL is a smorgasbord of awesome storylines. Some are analytical, others are critical, and some are just down right stupid. It’s the stupid ones I live for – they make my day. Welcome to Quick Slant. I created this column as my way of sharing with you the headlines from around the NFL that I feel are most interesting. I try to offer my own take on the story in as few words as possible – some of us have a wife, kids and a job and don’t have time to read 5000+ word novels! So, without further ado, I give you today’s version of Quick Slant:
It looks like Carson Palmer might not make his expected $13 million in base salary this year – THANK GOD! What in the hell would be wrong with this world if he did? Sure, 4000 yards last year, but c’mon! In related news, Tyrelle Pryor has been seen stabbing a voodoo doll at Raider meetings……Apparently there is a homosexual player in the NFL almost ready to “come out”. I’m not going to speculate as to who it is, but it better be a damn good entrance after all this speculation!……Jeff Demps says track is priority, not the Patriots. Awww, how cute, someone following their dreams.. Wake up! Track isn’t going to pay the bills, and you won’t have Tom Brady leading the charge forever. No matter who comes afterward is going to seem like whoever took over after Montana (damn, that was Young. Bad example – you know where I was going with that)……James Harrison‘s agent says he’s open to returning to Pittsburgh. Wait, what?……Kellen Winslow has stated that three teams have expressed interest in him, one of which is the Cleveland Browns. Interesting to note that the Browns just signed TE Kellen Davis. Seriously, two tight ends named Kellen, both pursued by the Browns? Someone in Cleveland’s front office is clearly confused……Let’s just count Osi Umenyiora a Dirty Bird. The Falcons are expected to announce his signing sometime soon, probably before the cock crows thrice……I’ll leave you on a “here we go again” note. Chad Johnson wants to play again in the NFL after getting a reduced sentence for last year’s domestic violence charge. Apparently he took some anger management classes, blah blah blah, and talked to some doctor, yada yada, and because of that his mind is ready to play (apparently he’s using “the force” to play?). For the love of sweet baby Jesus, someone invite him on Celebrity Apprentice 34, The Voice, or The Ultimate Fighter – somewhere that he can be amongst his own.
That does it for today. Check back tomorrow and I’ll have sifted through the day’s headlines and give you what you need to know.
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