We all have our own Christmas wish-list and pro football is no different. In the spirit of the holidays we bring you the following letters to Santa which each CFL team should send to the North Pole this Christmas season.
CFL Christmas Wishlist For all 9 Teams
Montreal Alouettes most in need
Dear Santa, we are a needy bunch! Please send us a quarterback to excite our fan base. Johnny Manziel would be a nice bit of sizzle to pique Montreal’s interest. But more importantly, give our new head coach Mike Sherman the humility to hire a staff familiar with the three-down game to teach him the difference from American football.
Give coach Sherman the strength he needs to follow the blue-print of past NFL-turned-Alouette head coaches Marv Levy and Marc Trestman. Help Sherman steer clear of the arrogance which sank Bart Andrus when he used not one but TWO import kickers on his Argo roster at the same time all the while name-dropping from his(Andrus’) own NFL experience en route to a 3-15 disaster in Toronto.
But most of all, give our Alouettes the strength to move on from the past and quit hanging on to what our veterans did ten years ago and start thinking about what new blood could do for us over the next ten years instead. We don’t have to become the youngest team in the league overnight, but getting away from being the oldest team in the league stacked with expensive, washed-up has-beens would be a really nice start.
Ottawa Redblacks don’t need much
Hey Santa, just a short list from us in the nation’s capital this year. I mean after all, you’ve been hellish good to us throughout our entire existence and in particular the last two years. How else can we explain two home playoff games, a first-place finish and a Grey Cup championship despite posting back-to-back losing records in a really weak eastern division along the way?
Thanks for all the help you’ve given us in screwing the better teams out west and just give us a commitment to the run in the new year to take the pressure off Trevor Harris to let him settle into being the elite quarterback we all know he can be. Merry Christmas Santa!
Toronto Argonauts had Christmas Early
Santa, you gave us a great 2017 that couldn’t possibly be topped this Christmas. Trestman, Popp and a Grey Cup win was more than we ever could’ve asked for. But then you went even further and talked Rogers Communications to buy in too and make us a part of Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment.
All we want from you this holiday season is to ensure that Rogers starts covering our great league regularly again and for Ricky Ray to decide that his receding hairline is no cause to retire but in fact a reason to keep playing in order to keep him feeling young.
Hamilton Tiger-Cats want something for Callaros and Manziel
Oskee wee wee to you Santa Claus! And thanks for giving us June Jones along with a winning record for the back half of 2017. For next year we would like to avoid being swallowed up into the fiasco of Johnny Football and not bring him to camp just for the sake of bringing him to camp.
Give coach June the strength to see through the temptation of grabbing attention from down south since he’s really not getting another NCAA or NFL job anyways. Please trade or outright release Johnny Manziel before he destroys the chemistry this team built with Jeremiah Masoli late last year.
And by the way, if you wouldn’t mind, find us a sucker willing to take Zach Collaros off our hands and deliver a draft pick or neg list player in return.
Winnipeg Blue Bombers wish for better talent on defense
Dear Santa, we’re not going to whine about the playoff format to you like General Manager Kyle Walters did. Just for that, we’ll put him on your naughty list for failing to find better talent to fill the depth on a defense stuck with Sam Hurl starting at linebacker just to satisfy the import ratio.
We’d like to put head coach Mike O’Shea along his co-ordinators Paul LaPolice and Richie Hall onto your nice list for doing an admirable job under such onerous working conditions. And with that, please put Richie into the Saskatchewan Roughriders Plaza of Honour since the geniuses running that outfit have apparently failed to recognize his many contributions to that organization.
Saskatchewan Roughriders beg for James Franklin
Dear Santa Claus, Chris Jones will fly up to the North Pole on our Roughrider corporate expense account to run your reindeer sleigh if that’s what it takes to convince you to block James Franklin from signing with the Argos or anyone else. We won’t ask you for anything else Santa if you just grant us this one wish.
Edmonton Eskimos want Jason Maas to smile
Hey Santa, we’re not mad at you for saddling us with the worst rash of injuries in the league this past year. We’re not even mad at you for letting Jason Maas kick that field goal late in the western final when we all knew he should’ve gone for it on 3rd down.
We in the Evil Empire understand that none of us are perfect and neither is our beloved head coach. So, for this year we’ll just settle for coach Maas not smashing any headsets, avoid chewing out his sideline assistants live on national TV and for god’s sake just crack a smile or two once and for all. It’s football for pete’s sake, not life and death. Have some fun and merry Christmas!
Calgary Stampeders in need of a more festive locker room
Santa Claus, you’ve given us so much good fortune over the last few years and yet we just can’t seem to finish the deal no matter how much we have. We’ve been the team that fun forgot and we take ourselves far too seriously.
Bo Levi does a nice job lightening up the room but he needs some help around him. We need a jokester Santa. Someone to prank us and keep us laughing and having fun all year long. Someone to take the edge off when adversity hits and cancel out the finger pointing from the Marquay McDaniel’s and Jerome Messam’s of the world.
And one more thing! A personality for Head Coach Dave Dickenson wouldn’t hurt either.
BC Lions due for a new owner/fresh vision
We’ll be okay on the field as long we have Wally Buono running the sideline. He’ll figure things out eventually. He always does. Our problem is that we need an owner with a vision to connect with the west coast.
The atmosphere is becoming more and more stale at BC Place by the year and just like his time running the Argos in Toronto, it appears David Braley is a stable owner willing to fund the team and have it run properly on the field, but unwilling to invest into connecting with everyday people or re-engage the fan base.
Our Lions usually have a great thing going on the field. We just need a visionary a la the late, great Bob Ackles to showcase this wonderful product with the Asian community to make our Lions much more relevant once again in the great city of Vancouver.
Special thanks to Santa Claus and all of our readers for reviewing our CFL Christmas wish list for this year. A merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!