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Cry Me a River: The Cristiano Ronaldo saga

What personality trait is shared by Zlatan Ibrahimovic and Cristiano Ronaldo? Ego, my friends, ego.

According to a recent poll carried out by Le Parisien, Ibrahimovic’s status in France is well and truly in the toilet, with almost 80% of French people polled voicing negative opinions. In the space of one year, rather surprisingly, the Swedish striker’s popularity has spiralled from 62% to 21%.

Cry me a River: the Cristiano Ronaldo Saga

The reason for the lack of Ibra love? The larger than life frontman was filmed complaining in the tunnel after PSG lost 3-2 to Bordeaux on March 15th. In the video, a bare-chested Ibrahimovic bellows: “I’ve been playing for fifteen years and I’ve never seen good refereeing in this s**t country. They don’t even deserve PSG in this country.”

Although Zlatan apologized for his comments, 77% of people polled said they weren’t convinced by his sincerity. Considering more than 1,000 people participated in the survey, you might think Ibra’s confidence took a severe battering, especially when 66% said that he has negatively impacted the image of PSG.

But this is Zlatan Ibrahimovic we are talking about: a man not exactly known for shyness or vulnerability. Following his resounding hat-trick in the recent 3-1 win over Lorient, Scandinavia’s greatest export since soft porn injected some humour into an all too humourless situation posted a photo of the signed match ball strapped into a luxurious looking seat captioned: ‘for those of you who are wondering where the ball is…’

Love him or hate him, PSG need their talisman more than ever. While the Swede may be sporting a wry smile, Cristiano Ronaldo certainly isn’t. .

Prior to Sunday’s El Clasico defeat—which saw Barcelona move four points clear at the top of La Liga—Real Madrid’s main man was in a state of flux, From opposing fans to Gareth Bale scoring the odd goal, everything seems to be frustrating the Portuguese attacker at the moment.

Bagging 25 goals in the first fourteen league games of the season, the ex-Manchester United winger looked set to have his most prolific season to date.

However, since the start of the start of January, Ronnie’s form has gone down quicker than a young Monica Lewinsky. Although he scored against Barca, CR7 entered Sunday’s Clasico with just five goals in his previous ten league outings; a rather measly ratio judging by his insanely high standards.

His failure to score in a 3-0 victory over Espanyol on January the 10th signalled the beginning of the ‘end’. Remarkably, this was his first goalless home league game for over fifteen months, and his frustration was palpable. The lowest point of this low point arrived when Ronaldo reacted with exaggerated horror when that pesky Gareth Bale opted to shoot rather than pass. The look from the Galactico golden boy said it all: “How dare you, Gareth, you selfish fool.”

Ronaldo now mirrors a grumpy old man, the type who stands in a park and roars at the sky when it begins to rain. In a totally apathetic, unapologetic manner, he shows absolutely no desire to celebrate when a colleague scores a goal.
This unattractive trait was extremely evident in Real’s recent 2-0 home win over Levante. After Ronaldo’s shot was cleared off the line, Bale, his arch nemesis, volleyed home the rebound. Like an angry atheist reacting to a Jehovah’s witness on his doorstep, the 30 year old decided that a contemptuous wave of the arm was the only reasonable response. Immediately after the game, looking thoroughly disillusioned, Ronnie was caught on camera delivering an expletive laden tirade towards supporters who were busy voicing their concerns.

Furthermore, just to underline his displeasure, Ronaldo stands by his pledge of not speaking to the media until the end of the season. This promise came after the media shed a generous amount of light on the player’s split from Irina Shayk, his long-term girlfriend.

His Ballon d’Or award was overshadowed by Copa del Rey elimination, an underwhelming display against Cordoba, a game that saw Ronaldo receive a red card for an ill-advised kick-out at opposing defender Edimar, and, upon return from suspension, a humbling, utterly demoralizing 4-0 derby against Atletico Madrid.

If that wasn’t enough to make Ronaldo feel queasy, Pele, arguably the greatest man to ever play the beautiful game, openly stated his preference for Lionel Messi. And after the Argentinian’s recent performances, who can really argue with the 74 year old, even if he did do that add for erectile dysfunction? As well as having Pele on his side, Messi also has age on his side. Three years younger than his foe, Messi is also ahead on Ballon d’Or wins: 4-2.

Ronaldo has one La Liga title and two Champions League triumphs to his name, while the less physically imposing Messi has won six La Liga titles and three Champions League medals. At just 27 years of age, Messi will undoubtedly add to his impressive collection, and this must weigh heavily on the mind of Madrid’s man-child.

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