Just like Marshawn Lynch heading over to the trademark office to get his first royalty check for “I’m Just Here So I Won’t Get Fined”, it’s great to be here this week. In case you missed them, here are the stories that have been making headlines during the past seven days in the world of professional sports:
NFL Logos
The Cleveland Browns have tweaked their helmet logo, going from their original shade of orange to a slightly brighter shade of orange. That’s right: somewhere, someone got paid thousands of dollars to make something look more orange – I thought only John Boehner’s tanning consultant had that job description.
NFL player Michael Sam will appear on the upcoming season of Dancing with the Stars. Oddsmakers already have Sam as the favorite to win it all for two reasons: his obvious athletic ability, and the fact that he’s a gay men participating in a dancing competition.
ESPN is reporting that the Raiders and Chargers could share a new stadium just outside Los Angeles. The league admits that asking players to share a venue with other people is a bit of risk, seeing as some of them can’t even share an elevator with other people.
NBA Surgeries
Derrick Rose will need surgery to repair yet another knee injury. If his knees keep putting his career in jeopardy like this, people will start thinking he was an intern during the Clinton administration.
Miami Heat center Chris Bosh is under medical orders to forgo any athletic activity for the next six months. That’s right, Bosh will spend a full half-year out of the media spotlight while focusing on his future – his teammates are already being called “black Brian Williams”.
NHL Sunshine
An outdoor hockey game between the Kings and Sharks was played at Levi’s Stadium in Santa Clara this past weekend. It’s all part of California’s attempt to emulate their East Coast sports brethren by pretending to have wintery things too.
A group looking to bring an NHL team to Las Vegas now has nearly 7,000 season ticket deposits. When asked how they managed to generate such a positive response, a representative said, “As an incentive, we decided to give all those who signed up a valuable piece of Sin City: a free autographed 8×10 of Wayne Newton”.
NASCAR Pumpkins
24-year-old Joey Logano came from behind to win this year’s Daytona 500. He’s already being called the Cinderella of this year’s Sprint Cup race, which is ironic, because every night when the clock strikes twelve, his car turns back into a pumpkin.
Danica Patrick is set to become the first woman to call a NASCAR race from the broadcast booth. She’s very excited about the opportunity – after all, it’s not every day that she gets to see what a checkered flag looks like.
OLYMPIC SPORTS
According to a new study out of the UK, 52 percent of injuries sustained by professional skiers occur when they’re not actually skiing. In a related story, 100% of the injuries sustained by golfer Tiger Woods occur when Elin Nordegren isn’t skiing.
BOXING
According to promoters, if you want ringside seats to the upcoming Mayweather-Pacquiao bout, you’ll need a line of credit with the MGM Grand worth at least $250,000. Just to give you an idea of how much coin that is, take all the endorsement money that Floyd Mayweather has ever received from Rogaine and add $250,000.
SPORTS MEDIA
ESPN’s Keith Olbermann was suspended this week after he ignited a Twitter feud with Penn State fans. Things got awkward when the network told Olbermann to “hit the showers”, specifically the showers next to Jerry Sandusky’s jail cell.
AND FINALLY …
The newest member of our Fish On Sports Video Clip Hall of Fame is Andre Stringer, a guard for the Maine Red Claws of the NBA’s D-League who hit two half-court shots in the same game. Enjoy!
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