As the holiday season remains in full swing (and the NHL takes a break at possibly the most inconvenient time of the year), the mood of laughter and smiles surrounds all of us. In that same spirit of good humor, it seems only natural to recount this years funniest Twitter personalities and interactions (while filling our need for whatever hockey we can get).
Social media is becoming the most popular way to communicate thoughts and ideas to a large group of people, and the following list of parody accounts have done their absolute best to keep the puck fan in all of us laughing throughout 2014.
Best NHL Twitter Personalities 2014
5. Condescending Torts (@FatherTorts)
Coach John Tortorella boasts one of Twitters greatest parody personalities, his being run by a New York Ranger’s fan who is either extremely disgruntled or just has a great sense of humor. Tort’s parody account is nothing short of everything we would expect from the now unemployed coach, including no-holds-barred commentary throughout his back and forth stints of coaching/screwing around in the unemployment line.
“Day 22 of Unemployment: Action shot of me at the rec center not giving a single f**k pic.twitter.com/2Kdfo2vcYj” — Condescending Torts (@FatherTorts) May 22nd, 2014
“This year Sidney Crosby touched: A gold medal, the Hart, the Lindsay, the Art Ross & an ESPY. This year Claude Giroux touched: The butt” — Condescending Torts (@FatherTorts) July 18th, 2014
And of course we can’t forget about this piece of wisdom from Condescending Torts:
“Let’s get s**tfaced” — Condescending Torts (@FatherTorts) September 5th, 2014
4. Don Cherry Parody (@DonCherryParody)
The parody account of Don “Grapes” Cherry is known for its realistic and accurate personification of its tweets to mirror the actions of the co-host of Hockey Night in Canada and former NHL legend himself (Cherry skated 1 game with the Bruins 1954-55 season). Cherry is known for his authenticity, flamboyancy, and outspoken ways and this parody account pretty much hits the nail right on the head.
“YKNOW THATS THE KINDA GOAL A GUY NAMED FRED FROM SWEDEN LETS IN (THUMBS UP)” — Don Cherry Parody (@DonCherryParody) December 16th, 2014
“YKNOW I CANT WAIT TO WATCH THIS TV SHOW ABOUT THE OUTDOOR HOCKEY GAME WITH CLASSIC RIVALS LIKE CHICAGO AND…WASHINGTON? FER CRYIN OUT LOUD” — Don Cherry Parody (@DonCherryParody) December 16th, 2014
“YKNOW THE TV SAYS THERES A SHOW CALLED THE WALKING DEAD ON TANIGHT BUT I THOUGHT THE LEAFS DIDNT PLAY AGAIN UNTIL TUESDAY (THUMBS UP)” — Don Cherry Parody (@DonCherryParody) March 31st, 2014
“YKNOW WHEN YER AS BAD AS EDMONTON I GUESS TRADIN YER BEST PLAYER IS THE WAY TO GET BETTER” — Don Cherry Parody (@DonCherryParody) December 16th, 2014
3. Sidney Crosby’s Ego (@SidneyCrosbysEgo)
Sid the Kid, the star of the Pittsburgh Penguins that we all know and love, has one of the best Twitter parody personalities. Crosby hasn’t been kind enough to grace all of us with his real-life commentary and thoughts on Twitter, but this parody account firing pucks at his brick wall of an ego does the trick. Here are a few that standout.
“9 years ago today I saved this franchise and became your mom’s favorite player. #DraftDay pic.twitter.com/K49GAQuPuO” — Sidney Crosby’s Ego (@SidneyCrosbysEgo) July 30th, 2014
“Those Ikea f****s couldn’t even build a team to stop the Crosby Show” — Sidney Crosby’s Ego (@SidneyCrosbysEgo) February 23rd, 2014
“I’m the sixth fastest to 800 points while having concussions, this league is softer than my brain” — Sidney Crosby’s Ego (@SidneyCrosbysEgo) November 26th, 2014
2. Drunk Patrick Kane (@Drunk_Kane88)
When it comes to the parody account of Chicago Blackhawks’ forward Patrick Kane, whoever is running this bad boy is dropping some serious gold. Kane’s parody revolves around spreading debauchery, promoting nationalism, and asserting dominance over essentially anyone who questions his abilities on social media (or publicly for that matter), whether that be by flaunting Stanley’s or taking shots at opposing players, @Drunk_Kane88 isn’t afraid to do whatever it takes.
“If Jack Johnson spent half as much energy handling his own finances as he does yelling at refs, he may be out of the bankruptcy by 2015” — Drunk Patrick Kane (@Drunk_Kane88) December 20th, 2014
“Here ya go St. Louis. pic.twitter.com/5uq91oPQDs” — Drunk Patrick Kane (@Drunk_Kane88) October 25th, 2014
“CHELSEA CHELSEA I BELIEVE THE BLUES JUST BLEW A 2-0 SERIES LEAD” — Drunk Patrick Kane (@Drunk_Kane88) April 27th, 2014
“I mean did you REALLY think I was going to have a good game the day after CINCO DE MAYO?!” — Drunk Patrick Kane (@Drunk_Kane88) May 6th, 2014
1. Not Dany Heatley (@DanyAllStar15)
Ringing in the year of 2014 and posting up at the number one spot with the best NHL Twitter parody account is @DanyAllStar15, a mockery of Anaheim Ducks goon Dany Heatley. This account allows followers the privilege of the thoughts and commentary of “Heater” as known by the genius behind this account. Heater is known throughout Twitter for his arrogance and corruption, making perfect material for an incredible account. Let’s just let Heater’s tweets do the talking.
“yeah, playin street hockey outside Xcel with kids for charity whatever lowered my shoulder n made one eat pavement I’m a brick wall out here” — not Dany Heatley (@DanyAllStar15) May 7th, 2013
“Yeah, hopefully this year I don’t get so wasted that I try to fight little kids. Last year it was my 4 year old nephew. I was so drunk man” — not Dany Heatley (@DanyAllStar15) December 24th, 2014
“Yeah, lit up a cig in Subway and some kid was like hey I have asthma and I’m like guy I float in the neutral zone for cash sit the f**k down”– not Dany Heatley (@DanyAllStar15) July 7th, 2014
“Yeah, pumped that Rene Bourque is on the squad. We used to get hammered and steal fire extinguishers from the freshman dorms back at Wisco” — not Dany Heatley (@DanyAllStar15) November 20th, 2014
Whether we’re talking legendary announcer Don Cherry or the Pens’ Sid the Kid, Twitter is full of some hilarious NHL accounts to keep us all laughing; these are just a few of the “must-follows.” Merry Christmas everyone, hope you make it through the next day without some puck action.
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