Quick Slant: Rice-a-Roni, Love Children, and Moses


God, I love the NFL combine.  Not because I put so much stock into the workouts per se, but rather it’s the entertainment value from the fantastical headlines – they’re so good!  We all know how over the top it can seem at times.  In NFL Parting Shots I aim to bring to you the best headlines from around the NFL, the ones that are actually entertaining and are sure to at the very least able to put a smile on your face, in 300 words or less, and in about two minutes.  So without further ado…  NFL Parting Shots, Monday Morning Edition from the Combine…

Stock seems to be falling a little concerning Jarvis Jones concerning health matters.  The Georgia Bulldogs linebacker was once near the top of many scouts’ draft draft eligible LB’s.  Jones shots back saying his health is fine.  Yeah, ’cause no one has ever lied about an injury.  We believe ya…..Manti Te’o says he will obviously run a faster 40 on his pro day.  Obvious why?…..Lauren Silberman, the female kicker who tried out for the New York Jets, has been sidelined due to injury. *Insert punchline here*…..Deion Branch is an unrestricted free agent.  So is Moses…..Joe Flacco has recently surpassed God as the highest paid quarterback.  Somewhere Archie Manning is PISSED…..Randy Moss is reportedly not going to be back in SF this year.  It’s a good thing too, he was eating too much Rice-a-Roni…..Robert Kraft‘s head is reportedly still firmly positioned in Roger Goodell’s ass.  When asked, amongst other things that aren’t as incriminating, Kraft blushingly said of Roger, “I want him to do things just the way he’s doing them.”  Yes, that’s out of context, but appropriate…..Dan Marino‘s love child with Donna Savattere seems be resurfacing. While many are questioning its “legitimacy”, Buffalo’s Buddy Nix was heard asking if “it” could throw a seam route…..

There ya have it, the most intriguing headlines talked about today, and all wrapped up in 300 words or less.  Did I miss something?  Well, of course I did, but if it’s really that glaringly obvious, add to the comments below.

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